


your daisy

by fallfrovmgrace



Category: Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: F/F, an au inspired by my favorite taylor song which is obviously don't blame me, it's basically taylor and karlie falling in love in a boarding school and it's all very religious, so it will be probably filled with angst and secret moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-10-10 19:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 47,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17432324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallfrovmgrace/pseuds/fallfrovmgrace
Summary: The story of how two young girls meet at the wrong place, at the wrong time, but fall in love nevertheless despite all the odds being against them.





	1. preface

_Set in a boarding school, S. Clement, in the year 1313._

 

 

_Taylor and Karlie are two students that meet each other one autumn afternoon. This school consists of a building in two floors with arcades surrounding a courtyard. Here, the nuns that own and lead the place, teach their pupils, who are only females, latin, music, grammar, and religion. Any sexual relationship with another student is extremely forbidden. In the morning, scholars must wake up at half past seven in order to attend their latin and grammar lessons. Later, at lunch time, all the pupils will eat together in the dining hall. They must say an "Our Father" and an "Hail Mary" before they have a meal._

 

_In the afternoon, the scholars and the nuns will reunite together and go to the small chapel inside the boarding school so as to pray together and sing the Church songs, which are in latin. The songs will match with the sound of an organ, played by one scholar._

 

_After the prayer, the students get a small amount of free time to play, to study or to read at the library before they have dinner at half past seven._

 

_Then, at half past ten and no longer than that, all the pupils must be in their own dorm so as to get some sleep. If a nun catches someone wander around the boarding school, the pupil will have to deal with serious consequences._


	2. Chapter 1

_Hail Mary_ _,_ _full of Grace, the Lord is with thee_

 

_Blessed are thou among women_  
_and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus._  
_Holy Mary_ _,_ _Mother of God,_ _pray for us sinners_  
_now and at the hour of our death_

 

_Amen_

 

She closed her eyes as the angelic voices of the choir standing proudly beside the altar faded gradually. The faint sound of a bell sounded into the distance, and quiet chatter began to fill the small chapel as all the girls started to exit the holy building. 

  
"Taylor? Are you coming or not?"

The voice of sister Catherine, one of the most kind and gentle nun of the boarding school, called out her name, making her open her eyes. When she turned around to face her, a sunshiny grin took over the nun's visage. The ashen veil framed her innocent and young features as her big eyes stared at the pupil before her.

"I think I'm going to play the organ a little bit," she replied.

The sister nodded firmly before disappearing outside the chapel. Taylor gazed at the spot the nun was previously standing on, before turning around and walk nonchalantly towards the modest piano. Its black color gave her a sense of calmness only the instrument was able to transmit to her, and sat on the bench slowly, wanting to enjoy her free time of the day to the fullest.

She eyed the black and white keys of the organ before gently placing her fingertips over them. She was working on an original piece from a long time, but she decided to warm up instead and began to play an iconic piece by Buxtehude. The dark notes of _Passacaglia_ echoed throughout the chapel's walls, filling the silence with a sense of loneliness and melancholy. She played it in D Minor, getting easily lost in the music. Everything around her faded away, and she felt like it was just her and the organ. She knew this piece by heart, since it was one of the first she's learned when she was six years old, and it made her think of her father.

He taught her _Passacaglia_ before her mother died of an incurable disease. It broke her heart, knowing she couldn't see her mother one last time, but knowing that her father began hating her after her death broke her heart even more. He said it was her fault that she got sick. It was her fault if she died and nobody could have done anything to prevent it. It was all her fault. And her father has always been manipulative, therefore after weeks and weeks of him blaming her, Taylor started to believe him. Maybe it was true, she thought. Maybe it really was her fault.

When her father began to be sick of her, he sent her in the best boarding school of the country. He chose S. Clement; when she first arrived here, at the age of thirteen, the nun that lead the school had welcomed her with a fake smile and open arms. Her father didn't even kiss her cheek or envelope her in a hug as they prepared to say farewell. Taylor had watched him go, the nun's grip around her wrist firm as she had dragged her inside. That was the last time she had seen her father; it was five years ago.

Suddenly, she stopped playing the organ, a small frown dominating her features as bad thoughts about her family flashed at the forefront of her mind. She doesn't want to think about them; the first two years without her parents had been hard, especially without her mother. Making new friends had resulted too complicated for her, and the sisters at the school had tried their best to help her. Now, she had a few friends, but they were not as special as the friends she had outside this damn school.

A light sigh escaped her full pink lips as she placed her hands beside her hips, slightly bending her shoulders forward. She didn't even realize that, after she had finished playing _Passacaglia,_ she had started playing her own original piece. She had yet to give a name to it, but she was sure it shouldn't be played on an organ; it has to be played on a piano. She's thinking of lyrics that could fit her song, too, but just as she tilts her head upwards so as to ponder over words that could be matched with her song, an unfamiliar but suave voice filled the silence of the chapel.

"That was beautiful."

Taylor lightly jolted, not expecting a visitor to her playing session, and she was not prepared for the beautiful girl standing a few feet behind her as she turned around to face the mysterious voice.

A gorgeous, lanky girl stood before her, the most gentle smile she's ever seen turning her thin lips slightly upwards. Taylor's mouth parts faintly as she gapes at her. When no response came out of her mouth, the stranger chuckled lightly before moving closer to the blonde. Taylor followed her every move until she was standing almost beside the bench she was sitting on. Remembering she needed to speak to at least be civil, Taylor said quietly. "Oh, uh, thank you for saying that,"

The unknown scholar smiled down at her. The blonde had to squint her eyes a little because she's never seen someone so beautiful in her life. It was like looking at an angel or staring directly into the sun.

"Oh, I'm so stupid," the stranger laughed before extending her arm out so as to shake her hand with Taylor's. "My name's Karlie,"

"Hi," Taylor squeezed the offered hand and couldn't help but notice how warm and soft the girl was. "I'm Taylor,"

The scholar smiled warmly at her before looking down at the bench that was separating them. "Can I sit down?" she asked, pointing her index finger towards the pew.

"Yeah, sure," Taylor stuttered, awkwardly moving a little to create some space for the other student. She wasn't the type of girl who gets flustered easily, however the shy part of her  started to show as soon as Karlie gently sat down beside her. "Why are you here?"

She realized it might have sounded the wrong way as soon as some of the light inside Karlie's eyes vanished gradually.

"I'm sorry. I'm an awkward person and when I get flustered I always say the wrong things," Taylor apologized, moving her hand frantically in front of the piano.

"Hey, do not worry," Karlie smiled. "Everybody has their own flaws. Nobody is perfect,"

Taylor nodded gratefully, her eyes resting upon the black and white keys of the organ. Karlie asked her if she could play once again the famous piece by Buxhetude and Taylor complied with a smile. "Did you learn by yourself?" the taller scholar asked, a curious glint lightening up her soft features.

Taylor was still flustered by the girl's immense beauty as she replied. "No, my father taught me," the tone she used was one of disappointment, and if Karlie noticed she didn't say anything about it, which the blonde was grateful for. Just when Taylor was about to ask the girl to talk more about herself, a nun interrupted their moment by calling the smaller scholar's name.

"Miss Swift?"

Taylor's head perked up. "Yes, sister?"

"You have to attend your latin lesson before dinner,"

"Oh, right," she mumbled. Years ago she had promised her father that she would have attended extra lessons. She got up from the stool, accidentally brushing her leg against Karlie's. A small blush colored her puffy cheeks as the other scholar stared at her expectantly. "I guess I will see you around?"

The green eyed girl smiled softly. "You bet."


	3. Chapter 2

The inspiration rains down upon her brain on a cloudy day. The grey, dark and soft clouds floating above the school are threatening, and cover most of the sun's hot rays. Taylor was perched against one of the marble columns, which enclosed the delicate green grass of the courtyard. Her hands were holding her old leather journal, words and notes and poems scribbled on its yellowish pages. Her stare was lost in the infinite distance of the covered sky.

The pen her mother gifted her with years ago was between her index and middle finger, tracing mindlessly across the bottom of the blank paper. Some pupils were outside, the rest were inside, too scared to face the cold temperatures of autumn.

Taylor finally looked down at the book staring back at her, begging her to be filled with her wonderful words and lyrics. She pursed her lips into a small frown, dragging the palm of her left hand up and down her crossed legs in order to flatten her wrinkled blue uniform.

"Darling, what are you doing out here? Aren't you cold?"

Tilting her chin upwards, she came face to face with the worried gaze of sister Catherine. She let a kind smile grace her soft features, trying to soothe the nun's concerns. "I'm not cold, sister. It's lovely out here," she replied gently. "You can take a seat, if you want,"

"No, sweetheart. I have things to do, I just wanted to check on you," Catherine said softly, placing her hand onto Taylor's. When the sister was about to turn around and go back inside the school, however, a lightning illuminated both of their faces. A loud thunder followed seconds later, before it started raining heavily. "Guess we'll both get back inside," the nun joked with an amused smile, even though her whole body language told the blonde that she needed to hurry and follow her.

Taylor stood up hurriedly, her book falling onto the ground when a deafening thunder echoed throughout the atmosphere. However, before she could crouch and pick it up, long fingers wrapped around the journal before hers did. When she looked up, jade green eyes illuminated by the white lightning were all that she saw. She hadn't heard footsteps running her way, so she was rather surprised when someone else had done her the favor to pick her book up from the soil ground.

"Karlie?" the name slipped out of her mouth before sister Catherine yelled over the rain's noise.

"Come on, girls, we need to go inside, it's raining cats and dogs!" she urged, already on the doorstep. Simultaneously, the two young girls nodded before hurrying inside. Pupils were looking outside the window, their hands pressed against the clear glass, their eyes widened. Chatter begins to overpower the noise of the storm outside as Taylor stood beside the tall lanky girl.

"Is your journal ruined?"

The blonde looked up at the question, serious green eyes staring down at her smaller figure. Taylor blushed profusely. "Um, no, it's not. Thank you for picking it up for me," her voice was wavering onto the atmosphere as it reached the other girl's ears.

"Don't worry. I thought you looked frightened by that thunder so I wanted to do you a favor," Karlie replied with a soft smile. Taylor nodded, averting her eyes from the intense gaze of those jade green eyes. Even though Taylor was not looking, she knew that Karlie's stare was still on her. A silence settles between them, as they both look at the storm unfolding outside of their school, some uninterested scholars walking away to do better things, such as reading and studying.

"So. Are you new here?" Karlie spoke up, turning her body slightly so it would face the other blonde. "I've never seen you around,"

"No, I'm not," Taylor replied kindly, her hands tied behind her back as she directed her whole attention to the taller girl. "I've been here for five years, actually. I'm 19."

Karlie's eyes widened. "Five years are a lot. Don't you miss your family, though? I've been here for three years and I miss my sister so much,"

The smaller girl's aura darkened terribly at the mention of her family. Not wanting to open up too much, she shrugged and avoided the question effortlessly. Karlie seemed to understand that it was a sensitive subject, and decided to shut her mouth for the rest of their time together. Taylor felt guilty; the other girl was just trying to start a conversation, to knew her better, after all, but did Taylor really wanted to make new friends? In the end, all the people she loved or cared about always ended up leaving her. She was tired of feeling hurt, of feeling that aching emptiness inside her chest everytime someone left her. The wound that decorated the left part of her heart, which was her mother's death, was still healing after all this time. She wasn't sure if it could heal properly, one day.

"Um, I have to go. It was nice talking to you, Taylor,"

There's disappointment in her voice, and the guilt inside of her grew even more, to such an extent that she called out the other girl's name frantically. "Karlie, wait!" she exclaimed, embarassed when a few pupils around them looked their way curiously.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Taylor struggled for words. "You don't have to worry. I understand if your family is a sensitive subject to talk about, you don't need to tell me about them. We're not even friends," Karlie said, the bittersweet tone present in her voice.

"I want to,"

"You want what?"

_Will you ever start making real sentences?_ "I want to be your friend," she replied. "I mean, if you want to, of course," she added swiftly, when all she got from the other girl was a deafening silence.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes. Let's be friends," Karlie smiled. Taylor's lips parted slightly into a wide and bright smile. She never expected to hear such a positive response from the taller girl. "I have to go now. I hope to see you at dinner," she said, before waving and turning around to exit the hallway.

When she returned to her dorm that evening, she laid on her bed and wrote about a dark little paradise, excited to meet her new friend for dinner.


	4. Chapter 3

She looked around anxiously as she struggled to find an empty seat to sit at. Her eyes scanned the entire dining hall, finding an unoccupied chair at the table situated in the middle aisle. Hunching her shoulders, she padded towards her destination while she held her own hands anxiously, some girls watching her go as she passed beside them. She didn't spot her new friend yet, and somehow that managed to put a small frown on her face. 

She sat beside a slightly smaller student than her, the girl's brown hair cascading over her shoulders flawlessly. When she noticed Taylor's presence beside her, she smiled politely and then turned back to the girl sitting opposite her, resuming their conversation about God knows what.  The blonde's cheeks turned a light shade of pink, not knowing how to act around other students despite being here for so long. 

She looked down at her empty plate, not knowing when the sisters would pass along the aisles and distribute their dinner. Taylor wasn't hungry, but she had looked forward to this moment since this afternoon, since that talk with that mysterious girl, Karlie. She has not a lot of friends here and the possibility of finally having someone to talk to apart from the nuns was a relief for the blue eyed girl. 

She looked down at her grey uniform, her ivory sleeves covering her thin, crossed arms. She was about to dive into her thoughts, when suddenly she looked up and finally saw the tall girl walk through the entrance of the dining hall. Her grey fitted kirtle complemented her body perfectly, making her look a lot taller than usual. A small and polite smile was gracing her angelic features, and for the first time Taylor stopped to just admire the girl's striking beauty. Karlie hadn't noticed her yet, walking through the crowd of students to find an empty seat, just like what Taylor has done merely minutes ago. The blonde is disappointed to witness her new friend sit at a few aisles away from hers, because that could mean only one thing; she surely wasn't going to speak to someone during dinner.

Just as Taylor looked down at her own empty plate, the frown that was on her face moments ago reappeared. She had been so happy to see Karlie, but the latter hadn't noticed her, and there was no way they would have sat near one another, because all the seats around Taylor were occupied by students.

Taylor sighed, thanking with a fake smile the sister that gave her dinner, and started eating her food with a gloomy look overtaking her face.   
  


\---------------------------------------------  
  


The latin lesson she was sitting at was beyond boring. 

A tall girl was having an oral exam, but of course she wasn't as ready as the sister wanted her to be, so most of her questions were left lingering within the deadly silence of the classroom. Taylor looked at the person being tested and waited for her to say the obvious answer. Then, when an answer had been given to the inquiry, the blonde sighed internally when the response was obviously wrong. The nun closed her eyes for a second, before shaking her head and telling the pupil to go and sit down at her desk since she wasn't prepared for this oral exam. Just when she announced the assignments for the next day, another sister walked in and told everyone that it was lunch time. 

Taylor gathered her books and put them in the shelves at the end of the classroom, before leaving the chamber to head towards the dining hall. The large and spacious corridor flooded with girls, but one in particular caught Taylor's attention as their eyes met. 

The familiar and warm color of Karlie's green eyes made the blonde hold her breath as the tall girl approached her happily. "Hello," she greeted, her voice soft and soothing. "I didn't see you last night," there was a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"I did, though," Taylor replied. "I saw you enter the dining hall but you didn't see me already seated a few aisles down yours,"

"I'm sorry," Karlie quickly apologized. "Why didn't you come and say hi? I don't bite, you know," she joked lightly. Taylor shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking down at her feet while a blush colored her cheeks.

"I didn't want to disturb you," she answered embarrassed.

"We're friends, you do not need to worry about disturbing me," Karlie smiled reassuringly. "Come, we can have lunch together now,"

The taller girl nodded her head towards the opposite end of the corridor, inviting the blonde to follow her. The two girls made their way through the mass of girls, quickly entering the dining hall and searching for two empty seats that were possibly near each other.

"Tell me a little about yourself," Karlie said quietly, slightly leaning forward in order to be heard by the other blonde who was sitting across her. The long table filled with light chatter and quiet chuckles, as the nuns began distributing lunch at each aisle.

"There is not much to say," Taylor replied nervously. Why was she so timid around other people and why was it so difficult to act normally around others? She fiddled with her fingers atop the table, not meeting the brunette's soft yet firm gaze. "I've been here for five years and I really like reading,"

Karlie lifted her brows in amusement, smiling slightly when she said, "Come on, this can't be it. When I saw you for the first time, I knew you were more interesting than this. I think you're a mysterious girl,"

Taylor's eyes widened. "Am not, actually. I am a really shy person who actually has not many friends, so here's the answer to your question," she said quietly but with a small chuckle coming out of her plush lips.

"I am your friend, so now you have one," Karlie affirmed hopefully. "I just..." she stopped when the sisters served them their lunch. "You seem really interesting. I want to know you better, Taylor, if that is okay. I do not have many friends, either,"

"How come? You seem really friendly with others,"

Karlie laughed wholeheartedly and took it as a compliment. "Thank you," she said, before beginning to eat her meal. They ate in silence, occasionally asking the other some questions that popped up in their minds, but other than that, nothing happened. Taylor had the worst feeling when, after lunch, they had to part ways since the blonde needed to play the organ for the prayers that day.

She played the piano perfectly, the voices of the choir floated along the notes of her instrument. She had caught Karlie's eyes various times during the praying session, and had to focus more than usual when she had almost slipped and pressed the wrong key. Nobody noticed the slight mistake, but she was sure that one of the nuns did, and she was probably going to receive a whole speech about that later.

The session finished and Taylor stood up to place her score in her shelf. When she returned, however, she found a small piece of paper laying atop the black keys of the piano. She looked around herself, but found no one. She was alone in this tiny church.

Taylor picked it up with trembling hands, a nervousness settling at the bottom of her stomach as she read the message that was written on the paper.

_Meet me at the library. I need to show you something._

 

_-K_

 


	5. Chapter 4

The library was a dark place.

The dim and faint lighting of the candles hanging from the high ceiling combined with the stone faced nuns walking around mindlessly made her a little uneasy, as she walked through the high shelves full of books. The air was cold, and floating around there was the smell of oakwood and fresh paper.

When Taylor reached the top of the library, standing across the entrance of _Locu Silentii,_ the room of silence, she spotted her friend beside the huge wooden door, pretending to be interested in reading a book. As soon as she spotted the smaller blonde, she smiled and waved at the girl, who shyly returned the gesture and started making her way towards her. Karlie put the book on the table nearby, completely turning around as Taylor approached her. "Hey, you made it,"

The brunette's eyes were strangely sparkling under the dim lighting as the blonde smiled faintly. She looked around herself, before saying, "You wanted to show me something?"

Karlie nodded and suddenly grabbed her hand before dragging her through the long corridors of the library. Taylor followed, briefly eyeing their joined hands between their bodies, as the tall young girl led her to a slightly smaller door. It was rather secluded from the rest of the place, the door being at the far end of a dark hallway. Out of fear, Taylor tightened her hold around Karlie's fingers and upon the gesture, the other girl glanced back at her with a sweet smile, telling her, "Do not have fear, I will not murder you," 

Her voice was teasing and as light as a feather and Taylor smiled lightly at the remark. "It's just a little too dark, that's all," she replied, feeling her cheeks heat up. They reached the door and stood in front of it, as Karlie took the key out of the back pocket of her pants; their hands still linked. It was weird to hold another person's hand, but it was great. The feeling of warmth surrounding her fingers as all around them a cool air still lingered. 

As Karlie unlocked the room, she explained, "I'm in charge of cleaning the storage room and I'm the only one who can come here since there's only one key and, well, I have it," she nervously chuckled as the door opened. "It's not really big, but sometimes I come here when I want to really distance myself from the real world. Sometimes it gets too much," 

The chamber was little. Very little. The ceiling almost touched their heads and there was the smell of ancient and dust hanging around. However, apart from that, Taylor still found it nice. She voiced her thoughts and Karlie turned around, surprised.

"You like it?"

"Yeah, it's really nice. I would love to have a place like this one where I can come whenever."

Karlie's lips twitched upwards and she averted her eyes as a blush colored her cheeks. "Well, we can always come here together, if you want,"

"You don't mind?"

"No," the taller girl shook her head. "Not one bit," she stated, staring directly at the blonde for a little longer than necessary. Taylor held her gaze until she heard a faint bell ring in the distance.

"We should go," she said in a breathy whisper, taking a step back and starting to turn towards the door. She watched her friend unlock the door and open it with grace, and as they made their way back to the dining hall to have dinner, Taylor felt like her heart was running an endless marathon. Her hands were shaking and she was weak in the knees. It was a strange sensation, to say the least, because she has never felt like this, as if she was about to have a heart attack because of her state of helplessness.

They reached the hall, which was starting to fill up with all the laughing pupils as they chatted quietly while looking for a seat. The two girls found two empty places right at the end of the long table situated in the central nave. They sat across each other, and she didn't know if she was imagining things, but Taylor felt like there was some type of lingering tension between them. Karlie looked down the table as she placed her elbows on the table, attentively watching as the nuns started to give food to their scholars. She seemed tense but at the same time calm, and Taylor stared at her profile, contemplating whether she should speak or stay silent.

Finally, a smiling sister gave them their food, and as Taylor began eating her own food, Karlie played with hers on her white plate.

"You shall eat," the smaller blonde said quietly, not looking up from her dinner.

"I'm not hungry," Karlie replied with a distant voice. She seemed lost in her thoughts, and Taylor watched her repetitive actions as she pushed her food around her plate with her fork.

"You will be when you will go to sleep tonight if you don't eat now," Taylor stated.

Karlie met her gaze with a worried one and the smaller blonde didn't understand why she looked so concerned until she spoke up. "Why do I feel like we've been friends for ages when we've just met," she mumbled quietly.

Taylor quietly chewed her food, looking at Karlie with a neutral gaze. "I feel the same way," she replied, placing her fork beside her now empty plate. Karlie smiled at that, and finally started eating. The blonde let out a small sigh of relief.

They talked about everything and nothing until a nun announced that it was time to go to bed. They walked side by side, and just when exiting the hall, before they parted ways, Karlie did something that Taylor did not expect. She had to go right and the taller girl had to go left.

But right before they went their separate ways, Karlie's fingers brushed against Taylor's for one second, the touch light and gentle, and when the smaller blonde looked up at her friend with a surprised and confused look, the taller girl just smiled at her.

A smile that had invaded even her dreams that night.


	6. Chapter 5

The church was silent.

The soft sound of the rain outside filled her ears, her shoulders hunched as she kept her eyes closed. Melodies were swirling around her head and she tried to make them come alive by pressing her fingers against the black and ivory keys of the piano. When her digit touched the wrong note once again, she let out an annoyed sigh and placed her hands against the leather black piano stool. _Why can't I focus? Why can't I put into words how I feel?_ The past few days have been confusing for the young blonde girl, feeling as if she was committing a grave sin without actually doing anything.

_"Something,"_ she sang. _"happened for the first time in the darkest little paradise,"_

Her voice was soft and lingered on the quietness of the small chapel as she struggled to find the right lyrics that would go perfectly with the next part of her composition. She sighed, giving up since she's been trying for hours now. Her free time was about to finish, and she shuddered at the thought that she would probably have to see her friend at dinner.

_Why am I so afraid to see her again?_ It's been three days since they've last spoken to each other. Taylor blamed her latin and piano lessons, but she knew that it wasn't just that. She knew that, deep down, there was something more that held her back from seeing the taller girl with those beautiful, breathtaking eyes. _God,_ the blonde thought as she shook her head and placed her fingers upon the keys once again, _what is happening inside my head?_

Her soave voice filled the small space surrounding the instrument, although as soon as she finished the few verses she has written for this composition, another voice reached her ears.

"Are you avoiding me?"

Taylor straightened her back, turning around quickly just to come face to face with the only girl that has been haunting her mind. An invisible frown was gracing Karlie's features, as she stood with her arms crossed over her chest a few feet away from the smaller blonde. Taylor opened her mouth to speak, "What?"

"Are you avoiding me?" Karlie repeated, stepping closer to her, now standing beside the blonde girl.

Taylor shook her head, having no strength to let out the single word that would deny Karlie's fear. The taller girl pursed her lips and nodded, her face softening as she took a seat beside the blue eyed girl. Taylor's breath was shallow and deep, Karlie's proximity doing things to her body. She directed her attention towards the black and white keys of the piano, swallowing when Karlie said, "What you've just played was simply amazing."

The blonde suppressed a smile as a blush covered her cheeks. She looked up, meeting Karlie's intense but calming green stare. "Thank you,"

"Can you play it again?"

The smaller blonde frowned. "It's not finished," she replied quietly.

"Please," she breathed. Karlie's voice echoed inside her brain as she once again played her composition, singing the few verses that accompanied the first notes. For the entire time, she felt the taller girl's eyes on her face, and she tried so hard not to fail under such scrutiny. With shaking fingers, she finished her piece, and silence hugged them both as Taylor wasn't fearless enough to turn around and gauge her friend's reaction. Her hands rested upon her lap and she looked down at her fiddling fingers.

"What happened?"

Taylor did not expect such a strange and confusing question, and that made her look up at Karlie. "What do you mean?"

"You write your own lyrics, right?" Taylor nodded. "What happened for the first time in _that darkest little paradise_?" Karlie emphasized the last words. Her eyes were attentive and boring a hole within Taylor's soul.

"I, uh," the blonde stuttered, a shiver running along her spine as Karlie's gaze became too much. "I don't know, it just sounded good with the melody, I guess,"

Karlie's brows furrowed. "Oh,"

Taylor watched as disappointment colored Karlie's cheeks with a faint shade of pink and red. "I'm sorry," she sighed, looking away from her friend's worried face.

"For what?"

"I did not want you to think that I was avoiding you. It's just..." she paused, not knowing what to say next. "Nothing,"

"You can tell me," Karlie assured her by squeezing her shoulder. "I'm your friend."

_That's the problem,_ a voice inside Taylor's brain said quietly, sending a shiver down the blonde's spine. Why was that the problem? She asked herself that while looking up at Karlie's features.  "It's just that I have all these melodies inside my head and I can't quiete put them into words," she explained ashamed.

"You're a genius, the right words will come to you at the right moment," Karlie replied with that sweet and soothing voice of hers. Taylor nodded and turned her head towards the altar. She stared at the image of Virgin Mary holding her son between her arms, and felt a pang of guilt spread throughout her whole body.

"Karlie?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you,"

Karlie smiled softly and did not say anything. As the blonde gazed at her innocent green eyes, the blurred words within her brain started to unveil themselves while the bell outside rang relentlessly. Her friend got up and she watched her walk out of the chapel, losing herself within the crowd of scholars.

As she once again looked down at the keys of the piano, she mumbled the words,

_"In the darkest little paradise,_

_Shaking,_

_Pacing,_

_I just need you."_


	7. Chapter 6

_My father was crying_.   
_I found him inside the stable, petting my horse while hushed tears run down his wrinkled cheeks._ _"Father?" I called. He wiped his big hands against his face, getting rid of the tears before turning to me. His skin was as pale as the horse's coat, his eyes empty and bloodshot._

_"Don't come near me, child," he said, his voice as cold as the winter outside._ _I held my hands in fear, my baby blue tunic brushing against the straw on the ground as I took a step backward._

_"Father," I called out. "Why are you crying, Father?"_

_"You are to blame," he said quietly, his back still facing me. "You are to blame for your Mother's death,"_

_I gasped loudly, a thunder shattering the silence in half. I couldn't talk nor move. What did he just say? Did I hear correctly? Was my Mother really dead? He turned, his fists hanging loosely by his sides, and stepped closer to me, the only sound being the rain and the straw crunching beneath his boots. "Pestilence took her away from me and it's only your fault," he cried angrily. I tried to protest, but his hand flew and landed on my cheek. It hurt, and I held my face with my hands, tears escaping from my closed eyes._

_"I'm sorry, Father," I apologized but he didn't listen._

_"You're going to sleep here tonight. I don't want to see you," he stated. Before I could run outside, he pushed me to the ground and left, closing the stable's wooden doors with a large log. I cried out, slamming my body against the doors, trying to open them in vain._

_My Father had left me alone._

"Miss Swift?"

The nun's soft voice jolted her awake. She blinked several times, looking up at the sister who was staring at her worriedly, a hand placed against her shoulder; she had fallen asleep against the piano. "I'm sorry, sister," she quietly mumbled, rubbing her fingers against her tired eyes. She hadn't slept the night before, and she blamed the confusing thoughts about a certain green eyed girl for that.

"You seem shaken. Is there something wrong, darling?" sister Catherine said, sitting down beside her on the leather stool. Taylor briefly shook her head, not wanting to talk about her realistic dream. "I suggest you pray for a bit, Taylor. I noticed you've been a little distant in the last few days. God can help you find the light in your path again, if there's some darkness to it."

The blonde internally sighed, but showed the nun an appreciative smile, nodding before standing up and sitting at a pew on the left aisle. Sister Catherine followed her, but did not join her. "If you need any help, you know where to find me," she stated with a gentle grin. Taylor nodded and kneeled, connecting her own hands and intertwining her fingers. She closed her eyes, finding peace in letting her mind wander wherever it wanted to go. The silence was peaceful, and although the position wasn't the most comfortable, she enjoyed being _really_ alone.

She didn't see Karlie yesterday, but they had agreed to have dinner together nevertheless. She was rather excited at the prospect of spending time with the tall young woman, but still, a part of her told her that she was doing something against her faith. Something dangerous, sinful, although she didn't know what it was. Was it her unclear state of mind? Her thoughts about Karlie? She's always said that her lyrics resembled herself whenever she didn't know how she felt, but the song she was currently working on talked about a sinful love.

A love that wasn't supposed to grow, wasn't  supposed to happen nor exist. 

⛪

 

"Have you finished your song yet?" 

 

Taylor looked up from her plate of food, looking at the other pupils before answering quietly, "No, I'm still working on it," 

 

Karlie hummed. "Those are really beautiful lyrics, though," 

 

"Thanks," Taylor replied with a blush. "When I was little I would sing whenever I wanted and my Father hated it," 

 

"You have the voice of an angel, how could someone hate it?" Karlie asked, genuinely confused and surprised. Taylor blushed even more at that, an electric shiver runnind down her spine and reaching the tip of her feet's fingers. She shuddered at the sensation, averting her eyes when Karlie's green ones became unbearable to look at. She swallowed thickly and smiled at her friend, not wanting to alert anyone of her unstable state of mind and hammering heart. 

 

She felt words mark her brain, as Karlie leaned over the table to whisper, "Do you want to do something?" the glint in her eyes was dangerous, but Taylor agreed nonetheless. "Meet me at the storage room when the moon will filter through your window," she stated quietly, only for them to hear. 

 

Taylor didn't have the chance to reply, because then the bell rang and the room was filled with the commotion of every scholar getting up and exiting the dining hall. She went back to her respective room, Karlie's name still echoing throughout her mind, rendering it impossible to at least not overthink. Her gaze shifted to the window, and her stomach clenched uncomfortably. 

 

Midnight couldn't come soon enough. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really short, but hope you guys like it! Tell me what you think, next chapter is coming real soon!


	8. Chapter 7

There is something unsettling about wandering around the nunnery in the middle of the night. The hallways are lit by candles hanging from the ceiling, but there is still an eerie darkness that makes the blonde uneasy. She navigated through the corridor made of cobblestone, the moonlight occasionally hidden by the majestic Ionic columns. The only sound filling the night were her light breath and the gentle noise of her shoes hitting the pebbles.

She was scared. Her hands were shaking as her blue eyes darted a glance at her right and then at her left, always afraid that one of the sisters could catch her and punish her. Her legs were trembling, as if she had just run a marathon, when in reality she was moving as slow as a snail. 

She sighed a breath of relief when she spotted the wooden door of the storage room, but hesitated once standing before it. She raised her hand and, after taking a deep and steadying breath, she softly knocked, her knuckles touching the hard material lightly. She waited what seemed like hours, when finally the brunette on the other side opened the door quietly. Taylor smiled tentatively, admiring how this girl could trust her so much when Karlie couldn't possibly have known who had knocked at her room.  The taller girl welcomed her in and closed the door safely once they were both inside. 

The blonde turned around, looking up at Karlie expectantly. "I didn't expect you to come," Karlie admitted shyly, a strange glint within the depths of her green irises. Taylor lost herself for a moment, hating the palpitating sensation of her fast heart beating against her ribcage. Why did Karlie have this effect on her? 

"I wanted to come," she found herself reply. An indefinible emotion run through the taller girl's eyes, making Taylor shiver just in the slightest way. "And you wanted to do something, right? I'm curious," she tried to smile, but her lips trembled slightly as Karlie kept gazing at her with those intense eyes of hers. 

"The sisters don't give us enough free time and I—," Karlie hesitated, a nervous smile slicing her face in half. She met Taylor's warm stare, and with a shallow laugh said, "Let's sit down. There should be a blanket around here."

Karlie placed the warm flimsy fabric against the stony ground. "Let's sit down," she stated, crossing her legs once they were seated side by side, their shoulders briefly touching. An electric jolt run through Taylor's body as she watched her friend struggle with her next words. 

"What were you saying?"

"I was saying that—the sisters don't give us enough free time, and I just want to know you better even though I feel like we've known each other for years, but I already told you that," Karlie chuckled. Taylor found her nervousness rather adorable, but as an unknown warmth tried to settle down in her stomach, she swatted those unnecessary thoughts away. 

"What do you want to know about me?"

"Why are you here?" the question caught her off guard, and Karlie must have sensed her hesitation as she immediately added, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—,"

"No, it's—it's okay," she fiddled with her hands. Images of her mother smiling, of her own family being surrounded by nothing but happiness even in their poor conditions, flashed at the forefront of her mind, before everything crumbled into million pieces. Her mind began clouding with the sound of her father's accusing voice, reminding her once again that it was all her fault. She heard the sound of the rain clattering against the stable's roof, she still smelled the faint scent of straw and horses. It was the last memory of home that she had, and she was disappointed that it wasn't a really happy one. "My father brought me here," she stated. "He obliged me because he thought I was the reason why my mother had died."

"Oh, I—I'm sorry, I understand if you don't want to talk about this," Karlie replied immediately, an apologetic look marring her face.

"I'm over that now," Taylor assured her. _At least I like to think so._ "What about you? Why are you here?"

"I wasn't obliged, but I have three sisters, and I'm the youngest, and my family wasn't really wealthy, so my mother sent me here. She knew that here they could take care of me while she couldn't, but she had even said that, after a year or two, she would have come back and pay me a visit, but she never did. I guess she's forgotten about me," Karlie chuckled humorlessly, her fingertips playing with the end of the grey cloth of her uniform.

"Don't say that, Kar," the nickname slipped out of Taylor's mouth before she could stop it, and Karlie's head immediately turned around, meeting the blonde's gaze readily. _Where did that come from?_ "Your mother hasn't forgotten about you. You're her daughter."

"I don't know," she muttered. "I haven't thought about my family in a long time."

"Why's that?"

Karlie shrugged, going back to fiddling with the hem of her uniform. Taylor stared at her for a moment, thinking of ways to lift her mood since there was clearly a black cloud of sorrow hanging over her head, a frown turning her lips downwards. "Do you miss them? Your family?"

The brunette raised her shoulders in an indifferent shrug. "I—no, I don't. There was a time where I missed being out of here, though," she stated with a melancholic smile. She seemed hesitant when she added, "but now I like it here."

It was as clear as the moon outside the underlying meaning to her statement, more so when Karlie looked up at her confidently. Taylor blushed, feeling an unknown but welcome warmth make its into the pit of her stomach and staying there quietly. "I like it, too," the blonde found herself say back.

Karlie lowered her head, a tiny beautiful smile lighting up her features, and Taylor was glad to see a delightful emotion cross her face, since mere minutes before her mind had been in a dark place due to her thoughts regarding her family.

The blonde decided to boldly lean her head on her shoulder, exhaling deeply when she felt Karlie's chin press against the top of her head. It all felt so natural, so right, and yet, it felt so sinful, so wrongful. Taylor watched it happen; Karlie's slim fingers shakily trailed up her own lap before coming to a halt and resting beside the blonde's closed fist. The brunette then placed her hand over hers, not squeezing it, not moving it. Her palm was soft above her knuckles and her breath hitched in her throat when Karlie subtly interlaced her pinky with her index finger.

Taylor felt millions of emotions go through her mind as she stared at the simplicity of their intertwined fingers. She shouldn't feel a tingling run through her whole body. She shouldn't feel her skin burn right where Karlie was touching her. It was all wrong, but she couldn't help but never want to extricate their hands, as if they were meant to fit together like puzzle pieces.

"We should probably go to sleep," Karlie was the one to break the silence, slowly and hesitantly pulling her hand away from Taylor's. She was the first to get up, helping the blonde out by pulling her hands upwards. "I really enjoyed talking to you tonight,"

"Me too," Taylor confessed, still holding onto her hands. With the moonlight coming from behind Karlie, her hair looked like a halo, framing her face and making her resemble an angel sent from heaven. They stared at each other for a little bit too long, and Karlie was the one to clear her throat shyly and open the door quietly.

"I'll see you tomorrow," the taller girl said in a whisper. Taylor nodded and watched her walk away as they parted ways, one going left and the other going right.

It felt as if something had shifted inside of her, and she was sure that something had definitely  changed that night between her and Karlie. She didn't know what, but the exhilarating emotion of curiosity was enough to keep her up all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think and if you like where this is going/this story in general. Your opinions mean a lot to me! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, I love you guys


	9. Chapter 8

Words were being carved into the thin and yellowish paper of her journal when sister Catherine had approached her with a careful frown. Sitting against a marble column, Taylor looked up at the nun, noticing her shy stare dart from the blonde's face to the green grass of the courtyard. It was a beautiful sunny day, the air warm enough to convince Taylor to sit outside and continue writing her still nameless song. She has made progress in the past few days, and a blush had formed on her cheeks when she had admitted that it was because of the brunette. Karlie inspired her, in more ways than one, but she couldn't let her friend know. Not when the fact that Karlie being the muse for one of her songs confused Taylor to no end.

"Hello, sister Catherine," the blonde greeted her. She liked to call the kind woman one of her friends, because her relationship with the nun was different from the others. Sister Catherine listened to her, spoke to her even when not necessary, spent time with her when noticing that she's alone. Taylor liked the petite and young nun, and she couldn't help but smile at the sight of sister Catherine sitting down across her. The woman's dainty hands came to rest on her own lap as she anxiously gazed at the pupil.

"Taylor, how are you?" she asked gently.

The blonde grinned. "I'm fine. It's a beautiful day today, isn't it?"

"Yes. Yes, it is," sister Catherine agreed. "What are you doing?"

Taylor shyly looked down at the ink staining the pages of her journal with thoughts that have never escaped from the abyss of her mind. She blushed, quietly replying, "Oh, um, I'm just scribbling on my journal. Nothing special,"

She stared at the words that had slightly scared her when they had appeared for the first time at the forefront of her brain; _don't blame me, love made me crazy._ She wasn't sure where the word _love_ had come from, but somehow, when she had written it the previous night, after her meeting with Karlie, that statement alone resembled all the feelings that she has been repressing for all this time.

Sister Catherine nodded, and then, after looking around and checking that nobody was near, she leant in and whispered, "Taylor, I need you to tell me where you were last night,"

_This_ scared the pupil. Taylor's frantic blue eyes shot upwards, meeting the other woman's doubtful ones. She tried to recover from her obvious panic, quickly averting her eyes and muttering, "I was in my room. Sleeping."

But the nun didn't look convinced. Skepticism was still clouding her chestnut eyes when she said, "Are you sure?"

Taylor was left speechless. She bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood, and shook her head in an affirmative manner. "I'm sure, sister Catherine,"

The nun sighed, the disappointment that was hiding behind the doubts now coming out from her irises. "Taylor, you are perfectly aware that lying is a sin. God doesn't like liars. He wants you to be honest," she affirmed, and when receiving no answer from Taylor's end, she added, "Where were you last night? What were you doing outside of your room when you should have been sleeping?"

Taylor quickly made up a lie. Just because she was caught breaking a rule didn't mean she had to drag Karlie in this. "I woke up from a terrible dream and desperately needed some fresh air. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Although the nun still didn't believe her, sister Catherine nodded understandingly. "I suggest you pray the next time it happens. With God's help you'll be able to scare off the demons that are haunting your sleep."

Taylor almost rolled her eyes at that, but nodded nevertheless and watched as the nun stood up. "Sister Catherine?" The young woman turned around and waited for Taylor to keep on going. The blonde hesitantly asked, "Will you tell this to the prioress?"

She held her breath, gripping her pen tightly.

"No, I won't," she replied. "But you need to promise me that you won't do that again."

_I don't know if I can promise you that._ "I won't. I promise."

With that, sister Catherine went back inside and left Taylor alone.   
  


⛪

 

Taylor saw Karlie again two days later, during the afternoon Mass. She caught a glimpse of her brunette tresses in the middle of the ceremony, the piece of paper where the liturgy was written trembling between her dainty hands. Standing among all the students, as they all recited the prayers slowly and monotonously, Karlie looked to her side just in time to meet Taylor's insecure stare. The blonde blushed, quickly lowering her gaze to the words written on the paper, her words momentarily faltering. She took a deep breath, trying to focus on the prayer instead of the green eyes that were still trained on her. 

 

She ignored the other girl, successfully completing three prayers consecutively. Then, it was time for her to go, walk down the middle aisle of the small church and sit down on a black leather bench so as to play the organ. The instrument, situated near the altar and facing the crowd of girls, gave Taylor the opportunity to shyly glance at Karlie who, surprisingly, met her gaze readily, as if she was already looking at her. 

 

Not pressing down on the wrong keys for the rest of the Mass had surprised her, because she was sure that Karlie had stared at her all the time. Whenever she had glanced in her direction, she would see green eyes instead of her face focused on the prayer. It always made her feel so reckless, as if she were standing on a cliff's edge and jumping would mean making the best and worst mistake of her life. However, something was still holding her back. Every cell, every bone in her body was telling her, _yelling_ at her to just take a step forward and jump into the depths of sin.

Her finger touched the last white key, the note echoed throughout the walls of the church, and the Mass finally ended. Taylor took a deep breath, and watched all the other girls exit the holy place as she still sat on the black bench. She searched for Karlie's face in the crowd, and when spotting her coming towards her, the blonde stiffened.

"I'm still impressed with your skills. I've never seen someone play the piano with such passion," the brunette stated as soon as she was standing beside the other girl. Taylor stood up, smiling.

"Thank you for saying that," she replied. "But I don't think I'm that good,"

"You _are_ good. You're fantastic, actually," the way Karlie's eyes shone under the faint light coming from the large windows made Taylor shiver. They looked so sincere, so honest and just so serious that the blonde had to look away in order to properly hide her blushing cheeks.

"You're too kind,"

"And you underestimate yourself a little too much," Karlie commented with a sly grin. Taylor looked up at her and heard the sound of a new melody within the walls of her intricate mind. It was soft, mysterious, resembling the danger that surrounded their relationship. Along that melody, new words became clearer with each second she stared into Karlie's green eyes. The eerie silence that was inside the church was suffocating and she waited for the brunette to speak, to say something, but neither of them opened their mouth to let out a sound. The blonde held Karlie's intense gaze and when feeling her breath graze the side of her face, she realized their close proximity.

"I—um, I have a Latin class now," she mumbled, clearing her throat while also taking a step back. Karlie seemed to exhale shakily as she nodded, placing a trembling hand against the top of the piano.

"Do you—can I see you tonight? At the storage room?"

The blonde frantically looked around, not wanting someone to overhear their conversation. What if sister Catherine caught her again? What if another sister caught her? Sister Catherine had been kind enough to tell her that she wouldn't warn the prioress about Taylor breaking the rules, but Taylor had also promised her she wouldn't wander at night again, not when it was forbidden by the boarding school. However, Taylor _wanted_ to see Karlie. She wanted to feel the fast beating of her heart as she closed the door of her room behind her, as she tried not to make a sound. She wanted to spend time with her, look into her eyes and just be near the other girl.

"Yes," she simply replied, not thinking about it twice. She hated the sound of her voice; weak and breathless.

Karlie looked just as winded as she nodded. "Come whenever you want. I'll be there,"

And with that, the brunette left the church and Taylor watched her go.

 

 


	10. Chapter 9

Sister Catherine was the one who reminded her of her birthday. The days started to shorten, the nights became longer and darker, and autumn disappeared behind winter. It was the end of the second week of December, and Taylor was working on her song, laying on her bed with her back against the wooden headboard, when someone quietly knocked at the door of her room. The blonde quickly hid her journal underneath the ivory sheets, looking up just as the visitor revealed themselves. She greeted the nun with a warm grin. "Hello, sister Catherine,"

"Hi, Taylor," the woman said. "What are you doing here all alone the day of your birthday?"

Taylor's eyes widened at the statement. The last couple of weeks she's found herself losing the track of time, often finding herself thinking about Karlie and their late night meetings at the storage room. Their friendship had become an important part in both of the girls' lives, but still, Taylor felt like there was something more underneath the thick layers of their relationship. All the touches they've exchanged, the prolonged stares, the words they've said to each other. The blonde felt vulnerable in the best way possible when in Karlie's company, and she felt like she could truly be herself with her, something that she's realized she hasn't done with anyone else.

"I'm just focusing on my song, that's all," she replied.

"When will I hear that song of yours?" sister Catherine teased her.

Taylor chuckled nervously and shrugged shyly. "I don't know, I have to finish it first."

In reality, she didn't want to let the nun hear about her deepest secrets. Within the journal that's hiding beneath her left thigh, there are words that she's never said to anyone, not even Karlie. There's a confession that she shouldn't be making in the first place, and she believed that if she didn't say it out loud, then nobody, not even God, will know about her sinful mind.

"Would you like to come with me?" sister Catherine asked with a gentle and loving smile.

Taylor hesitated. She didn't feel like going out at all. Her birthday reminded her of all the unforgettable moments she's spent with her mother, but now that she was gone, now that she couldn't see her anymore, she didn't want to celebrate it. She hasn't celebrated it in years. "I don't know," she mumbled.

"Come on, darling," the nun prodded. "Sister Agnes wants to wish you a happy birthday and there's even a girl who wants to celebrate it with you,"

That attracted her attention. "A girl?"

"Yes," sister Catherine smiled. "She says she's your friend,"

Taylor blushed. _Karlie knows about my birthday. That's just great._ "I—I, um, alright," she stuttered, smiling nervously before getting up, straightening the silky fabric of her grey uniform. The air outside was cold compared to the warm atmosphere inside Taylor's room, and she immediately shivered, hugging her chest with both of her arms as she followed sister Catherine through the long corridors. They reached a separate room where pupils would reunite to talk in groups. It was spacious and incredibly cozy, and there, in the middle of the chamber, stood Karlie, three other girls she didn't know personally, and the prioress, sister Agnes.

"Happy birthday!" they all exclaimed together. Taylor immediately blushed, feeling the heat in her body increase as she noticed Karlie's intense gaze on her body. She saw her green eyes observe her outfit as if she were a piece of art, and when their eyes met, she couldn't help but smile genuinely.

"How are you, darling?" sister Agnes asked, placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing it gently. The prioress was an intimidating woman, her features marked by wrinkles of the sleepless nights she had spent praying. Her eyes were unreadable as they watched the student intently, her dark hair hidden underneath the white veil.

"I'm really good, sister, thank you for asking," Taylor replied, her eyes darting from the nun's to Karlie's. Before she could get near her friend, the three other girls in the room greeted her enthusiastically and briefly wished her a happy birthday. She spoke with them for a little while, noticing Karlie talk with sister Catherine. Their eyes met from time to time, too many times for two normal friends, but Taylor was accepting that their friendship wasn't like the others.

"It was good talking to you, Taylor," one of the three girls said to her, touching her arm gently. The blonde nodded and smiled, blaming herself for not remembering their names since she was too busy thinking about and looking at Karlie on the other side of the room.

"It was nice talking to you, too,"

A friendly smile, a side hug, and the three girls were finally gone. She watched them go, unaware of the brunette girl padding towards her.

"I heard that it was your birthday," a familiar and soft voice spoke, sending shivers down her spine. Taylor quickly turned around, her breath hitching at the base of her throat as she met warm and sparkling green eyes. "Happy birthday, Taylor,"

"Thank you, Karlie," she replied.

"Would you like to go outside and just—just walk with me?" the brunette shyly asked, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

Taylor giggled at the adorable sight in front of her. "Yes, I would like that."

They said their farewells to the two sisters, who watched the girls exit the chamber with bright smiles and sparkling eyes. They walked through the long hallways, finally reaching the courtyard surrounded by majestic and almighty arcades. It being a Sunday, they had the whole afternoon to themselves, and Taylor felt her heart flutter. Spending more than one hour with Karlie? She considered it a privilege, something that made her actually happy. Although celebrating her birthday wasn't her cup of tea, Karlie made her appreciate this day more. Apparently, even though she hadn't been a faithful girl in the last couple of weeks, God was fortunately by her side, as the sun burned brighter than the flame within her heart. They stopped underneath one of the arcades, pressing their backs against the ivory columns as they stood one in front of the other. The brunette smiled first, the blush on her cheeks still prominent as she gazed timidly at Taylor's blue irises.

"I don't actually celebrate my birthday," the blonde finally admitted, looking out at the lawn covered with a few flowers. One in particular caught her eye, but she averted her gaze and turned back towards her.

"Why?"

Taylor shrugged. "It just brings back bad memories,"

"I'm sorry," there was no pity, only sadness and worry in her green eyes. "I would try to make it better by giving you a gift, but since we're stuck here—,"

"Oh, no, don't worry! I don't want gifts," the blonde hurriedly interrupted her. "You being here with me is already a gift for me,"

Karlie stared blankly at her for a moment before casually lowering her head. _Did I say something inappropriate? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. It was probably too far._ Taylor sighed. She hated feeling this way; powerless and weak under the pressure of her mysterious but strong feelings. They made her heart beat rapidly, her palms sweat, her mind wander and they made her overthink all the words that would escape from her mouth. The only time she didn't feel intimidated by these feelings was when actually writing them on paper. Make them come clean and show them to the light.

"If you want to go back to your room because you don't feel like celebrating that's completely nor—,"

"No! I want to spend time with you!" Taylor interrupted her once again. She internally cringed, her voice sounding too desperate, too loud. _Could you keep your thoughts to yourself, please?_ However, the embarrassment almost vanished as soon as Karlie's cheeks turned pink and the corner of her lips turned upwards in a delighted smile.

"I've never met someone like you," Karlie admitted quietly, detaching her body from the column and stepping towards the other girl. Taylor blushed. "I've never met someone who wants to actually spend time with me,"

"You're basically telling me you've never had a friend?"

"Yes,"

Taylor chuckled. "Well, I can relate to that because me neither. It's kind of great to have someone like you," the blonde whispered.

And here it was, another one of those moments, where they simply stayed still and stared at each other. The blonde's hands were shaking slightly behind her back as the shade of her green eyes turned into something darker.

"Do you want to walk a little?"

They walked for an hour, going back and forth the small courtyard as they talked and talked, never running out of topics. Karlie told her about her past, the things the blonde wasn't aware of yet, and Taylor did the same. She told her about her mother and recalled the smell of fresh bread whenever she came back home after a day of school. Karlie remembered the first time her own mother had made homemade loaf, a smile on her face as she thought about the succulent taste of the soft inside of the golden bread. The brunette had gasped when finding out about Taylor's equestrian skills, since she had always wanted to learn how to ride a horse. "Maybe I'll teach you one day," Taylor had stated without thinking. The two had gazed at one another, a hopeful promise lingering between them. Living here would become a lifestyle and they were destined to become nuns, sooner or later. At the age of twenty one, the prioress would eventually send them to their respective monastery, because life with God was their destiny, one that they hadn't chosen for themselves. The mood had considerably darkened at that, but fortunately their time was broken in half as soon as the bell had rung.

Taylor turned and started making her way back, with the intention of heading to the dining hall, but halted when noticing Karlie standing still in her spot. "Are you coming with me or not? The sisters will get mad if we are late to dinner, Kar,"

The brunette seemed distant as her eyes scanned the ground. "Don't worry. Go, I'll catch up with you in a minute,"

Taylor furrowed her brows. Not wanting to be late, she nodded and hesitantly walked away, her steps echoing throughout the hallways as she disappeared. Little did she know, Karlie had lied when she had told her she didn't have a present for her.   
  
  



	11. Chapter 10

Karlie was strange during dinner.

She was constantly looking at Taylor, watching her attentively as the blonde chewed her food. The burning sensation within her stomach didn't help either as her observant stares only fueled the fire inside of her. It was almost time to go back to their rooms when the blonde finally decided to bring it up. "Karlie? Is something bothering you?"

The brunette seemed surprised by the sudden question. However, her eyes looked around them as she leant in across the table and whispered, "Can you meet me at the storage room tonight?"

Taylor blushed, feeling her heart clench at the sight of her green irises so up close. Not trusting her own voice, the blonde quickly nodded and a grateful smile lit up Karlie's face. "Same hour, then,"

The bell then rang, and without another word, the brunette stood up and disappeared between the mass of girls heading towards the exit. Taylor went back to her room.

She found her leather journal still tucked underneath the white sheets, where she had left it that afternoon, and since she knew she had to stay up all night and be ready when the moon would filter through her window, Taylor sat down on her bed and picked the small notebook. She opened it with a sigh, staring down at the ink that resembled her feelings.

_Don't blame me, love made me crazy_

 

_If it doesn't you aren't doing it right_

  
It was the chorus of her song. A song that she now called _don't blame me,_ because she never intended on falling in love with a girl. It was extremely forbidden by the Bible, but as long as she didn't act upon those feelings, she knew she was safe. God wouldn't be disappointed in her and the nuns would never find out about her thoughts about the taller girl. However, she wished things were different. She wished she could hold Karlie's hand, put her head on her shoulder, wrap her arms around her and hold her tight at night. As far as her mind didn't wander too much, she wouldn't be sinning. However, she couldn't help but think about how it would feel like to kiss her, to entangle her hands through her soft brunette hair, to feel Karlie's hands on her body. But she never dared to imagine more than that. She could not. She had to get rid of these feelings as soon as possible, but how could she, when Karlie was right in front of her? When she kept spending time with her despite her ever growing feelings of desire, of longing, of pining and of _love_? That's why, in her song, she had written that love made her crazy. Because that's what it was causing her. It was making her go mad, it frustrated her to no end. For her, it was incredibly unfair to have the one thing you love and yearn the most right in front of you, but having no access to them, no power to reach them and be with them the way you truly want to.

_How could you let this happen?_ , she thought, as finally the moonlight touched her ankles. She gingerly stood, looking down at her grey kirtle, which covered the ivory wool chemise as it kept her warm. Her trembling fingers kneaded through her wavy blonde tresses. Taylor took a deep breath, shut her journal and put it inside her drawer, and finally exited the room. Outside it was strangely quiet, but she was used to it by now. The soft sound of her silky shoes padding along the cobblestone echoed throughout the hallway. The corridor where the storage room was situated was darker than usual, and Taylor noticed one of the hanging torches was extinguished. The blonde took a deep breath, her knuckles hitting lightly the wooden door of the storage room.

Seconds later, she was face to face with the brunette, and neither of them smiled as Karlie let her in, closing the door once she was inside safely. "I'm glad you came," her friend started, sounding nervous.

"I wanted to spend the last few hours of my birthday with you," Taylor smiled, and she nearly pinched herself because _God,_ she shouldn't say things like these. She shouldn't appreciate the delighted and gentle light within Karlie's eyes as they stood one in front of the other.

"About that—," the brunette walked past her and picked something up from the nearest shelf. The small candle hanging by the low ceiling illuminated the object between Karlie's — _where her fingers shaking?_ — hands. "I wanted to give you this,"

And then, suddenly, unexpectedly, a flower is being handed to her. A small, slightly limp, yellow daisy. The stem was still a little wet, but its petals were just so pliant under Taylor's fingertips, as they traced over each one of them languidly. The blonde admired the tiny flower with bated breath, aware of Karlie's anxious and expectant stare trained on her. "Karlie, this is—," she shook her head, unable to find the words to describe just how much she appreciated the kind gesture. Had her friend noticed her staring at this particular flower that afternoon? Was she so obvious? "Thank you,"

"It's the least I could do," Karlie smiled warmly. Her grin was little, restrained, and Taylor matched it. She glanced down at the flower before looking up at her again. "Perhaps—," Karlie took a step forward. "—it would look better on your hair," she suggested. The brunette gently took the yellow daisy from Taylor's hand, their fingers brushing, as she advanced once again. Their proximity was prominent, as their height difference stood out the most. Taylor looked up at her friend, who was too busy and too focused on tucking the tiny flower in the space between her left ear and temple to properly notice the blonde's longing stare. When Karlie finally succeeded on her mission, the daisy almost vanishing in between the shorter girl's golden hair, she gazed down at her friend with a tentative smile.

"Thank you,"

The brunette's smile widened. "You're—you are really beautiful, Taylor," she sounded breathless, and Taylor wished she didn't glance down at her thin lips, because from there, it was all downhill. Karlie didn't move away from her, still standing a few centimeters from her as she gazed into Taylor's blue irises. They waited and waited, not knowing why neither of them was making a move.

Karlie raised her hand and brushed the back of her hand against her cheek. "If you're not going to do it, then I will,"

It was a whisper, a forewarning, but still, the blonde wasn't prepared at all for the soft yet demanding lips suddenly meeting hers in a forbidden and stolen kiss. Taylor gasped, her eyes closing shut as Karlie's mouth pressed against hers. She's never kissed someone; she's never experienced the feeling of breathlessness along with the dizziness while her lungs were practically screaming for air as their noses bumped. Her hands hung limply by her sides, because, oh _God,_ this was wrong. This was so wrong. They were kissing, Karlie _was_ kissing her, and she was actually kissing back. It seemed to last a lifetime, but Taylor finally gathered the courage to practically pull away from her intoxicating lips. She didn't intend to, but her hands pushed at Karlie's shoulders, basically shoving her away from her as they stared at each other, dumbfounded. Taylor felt her lips tingling, as if they were electrified.

Their labored breaths filled the silence between them, as Karlie finally broke the sudden tension with a quiet whisper, "I can't be the only one feeling this way," she shook her head. "Tell me you feel this, too,"

She tried to take Taylor's hand, but the blonde rejected her, taking a step back. The words coming out of her own lips surprised her, as the shorter girl whispered back, "I wish you'd be wrong," there was something missing from her statement, a truth, a confession, but Taylor let the silence take over.

That being said, she casted a last glance at her friend, who suddenly looked distraught and hurt by her words. However, she couldn't do this, no matter how much she wanted this, it was forbidden. She couldn't disappoint everyone in her life. And with that thought in mind, she quickly turned around, the yellow daisy still tucked between her blonde hair as she exited the storage room, leaving Karlie behind. 

 

⛪

  
The church bells chimed loudly, filling the eerie silence that surrounded her. Her knees on the ground and her hands joined, she closed her eyes, her lips moving in the shape of prayers. She heard the sound of girls laughing, of nuns talking and of birds chirping. Everyone around her was so joyful, so ecstatic that Christmas was finally around the corner.

Taylor hasn't seen nor talked to her friend in days. Days that seemed to go on forever without her presence. Ever since that night at the storage room, where their lips had met for the first time in the darkness of the night, the blonde has been praying as if her life depended on it. Luckily, the sisters didn't suspect anything; pupils spending their time praying was common nowadays, with the holidays nearing them. Taylor was sure that God had abandoned her at this point, turning His back to her pleads as she was asking for His forgiveness. Now that she has acted upon her feelings, there was no denying it; she had sinned. She was sinning when she had started loving that girl and she was sinning when she had kissed her back four nights ago. Taylor was ashamed of herself, because she had promised God and herself that she wouldn't have done such thing in her life. But technically, the kiss wasn't her fault. Karlie had started it, Karlie had kissed her. It was the other girl's fault. But then, Taylor had started loving her, Taylor had kissed her back. Therefore it was technically both girls' fault. She recalled Karlie's words; _I can't be the only one feeling this way._ Was she admitting that she had feelings for her, too? Was Karlie struggling with her state of mind as well? The thought of the brunette having the same train of thoughts as her was comforting in a strange way, because that would mean she wasn't alone in this. She wasn't the only one feeling conflicted, dirty even. What were they going to do? Act as if nothing had happened? Stop seeing each other and end their friendship because of their _mutual_ feelings?

Taylor sighed, halting her prayers and looking up at the picture of God hanging on the wall above the altar. His eyes weren't comforting; the blonde felt as though He was judging her, with disappointment all over His face. She had failed Him, and it was all her fault.

"Forgive me God, for I have sinned," she whispered, staring at Him. She expected to feel some sort of ease, of relief, however she felt nothing but complete guilt. She sighed, "God, why do you show me heaven if you're going to take it away from me?"

Comparing Karlie to heaven was risky, but she did it anyway. Karlie _was_ like heaven. Taylor was sure her face didn't belong to earth. Her eyes were just so green, so hypnotizing, so sparkling. And her lips were just so soft against hers, Taylor couldn't help but want to feel them again.

When receiving nothing but a deafening silence, Taylor stood up from her kneeling position and moved to the middle aisle. She watched His picture again, now feeling disgusting and unworthy of His love.

"Taylor?"

She turned. It was a nun she didn't recognize. "Yes?"

"Dinner is ready."

She had been so immersed in her mind that she hadn't even heard the bell ringing. Taylor nodded quickly, casting a last glance at God before turning and leaving the church, feeling dirtier than before.


	12. Chapter 11

_The hand touching her breast felt like the ghost of a burning passion, as the other trailed up her arm and found its way between her long blonde tresses, tugging it gently. Her back against the wall, she felt her own hands slide against the silky fabric of the other girl's grey kirtle. Karlie was kissing her sloppily, having no experience behind her, but Taylor felt like she was on cloud nine. The slight pressure of her body against hers was heaven and the blonde found herself wanting more out of this. An almost inaudible sound that resembled a moan mixed with a gasp escaped from her mouth, Karlie silencing it with her thin lips._

_The storage room was dark and silent, apart from the slight moonlight filtering through the small window and the sound of their lips rhythmically colliding. Taylor's hands fiddled with the buttons of Karlie's kirtle, as the other girl slipped a hand past her own waistline, her fingers grazing slightly the skin below her hips. Taylor shuddered, her body involuntarily rocking against the other girl's. Karlie groaned, gripping her thigh possessively as her mouth found its way onto her sensitive neck. Her other hand ungracefully opened the blonde's wool chemise, exposing the skin below her collarbones. Taylor heard herself moan, a sound that's never emitted in her entire life, but before she could dwell on it, her friend's mouth latched on her nipple, an unknown sensation slicing her body in half. The blonde fruitlessly grabbed the wall above her head, biting her bottom lip so as to not make any loud noise as her free hand tugged Karlie's hair._

_And then, unexpectedly, a crippling pleasure scratched her, Karlie's nimble fingers touching her between her legs. Taylor moaned, unable to contain herself as she closed her eyes and threw her head back, the brunette's other hand kneading her chest. It was too much for her body; Karlie's mouth and hand on her breast, the other in between—_

Taylor suddenly woke up, the images vividly flashing at the forefront of her mind. She still felt the weight of the brunette's body against hers, her hands touching her skin and her mouth kissing her chest. The blonde scratched her forehead, her digits going through her messy hair as she realized that it had been just a dream. A very _specific_ and way too inappropriate dream.

"God, why are you doing this to _me_?" she muttered to herself. She rubbed her eyes, now realizing just how fast her heart was beating and how uncomfortable the place between her legs actually felt. She sat on the bed, the lower part of her body still covered by the ivory sheets. Although outside it was probably freezing, here she felt like she was burning in Hell. _After what Karlie and I did both in real life and in my dream, I think I deserve it._ She revealed her ocean blue eyes, glancing down at the hands on top of her lap. She didn't dare close her eyelids again, because that would mean she would have to face the images of Karlie coming from her dream.

However, she felt the need to fix the problem that was currently bothering her, and suddenly, as if there was another force within her body, she gingerly moved her hands below the blankets and towards her waistline. She raised the lower part of her kirtle over her hips and looked down at her own body. She's never done something like this, but she didn't have time to feel embarrassed nor disgusted with herself, as her fingers subtly slipped past her undergarment and touched the place that Karlie had stroked in her dream.

Taylor gasped, her digits brushing against a wet surface. The blonde closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wooden headboard. Although the sensation wasn't the same as to what she had felt in her dream, it was just as exhilarating and pleasurable. She started moving her fingers against her own anatomy, her chest heaving slightly and her breath labored. Taylor gripped her bed, imagining it was Karlie's fingers rather than hers, and that thought alone was enough to make her tremble with sinful pleasure. The blonde quietly moaned and slightly arched her back, her digits stilling between her legs. She heard the faint sound of a bell ringing in the distance, the shrilling noise bringing her back to earth as she lazily opened her eyes. Taylor pulled her hand out from beneath the sheets and rubbed it against the blanket so as to get rid of the uncomfortable stickiness. She felt her cheeks redden as a sheen line of sweat marked her forehead, her heart still beating abnormally fast. Knowing she had to go to the lessons and that the nuns would be suspicious if she'd be late, she fixed her kirtle and got out of bed.

Only when her feet touched the ground, did she realize how much her legs were actually trembling. Taylor took a deep breath, quickly passing a hand through her blonde tresses, before exiting her room and heading towards class.

 

⛪

 

Taylor had the chance to talk to her friend twice, but both times felt too stubborn and too adamant to actually walk the small distance that had separated them. The first time had been two days after her inappropriate dream, while she had been rehearsing the songs for the Christmas Mass that was in four days. She had been playing the piano, her voice quietly surrounding her as her fingers had danced along the black and white keys. She had been alone, she had been so sure of it, until she had casually looked over at the entrance of the church and saw her, standing there with her hands clasped. Karlie had been staring at her, a bittersweet and sorrowful look gracing her features. They had gazed at each other for what seemed like an eternity, the brunette basically pleading the blonde with her eyes to just come over and talk to her. However, Taylor had stubbornly and harshly pressed down the keys, the haunting sound of the organ filling the church as she had turned her attention back towards the instrument. When she had glanced back a few seconds later, Karlie wasn't there anymore. 

  
The second time had been on Christmas Eve, when she had entered the library with the intent on studying Latin. She had sat down at an empty table, opening her book and gently placing it on the wooden surface. The almighty chamber had been deadly silent that had been able to hear her own calm and steady breathing. That was, of course, until the huge doors had opened and closed and a tall frame had made its way through the high shelves, walking towards the space where tables were situated at. Taylor had been so engrossed in the Latin version she was translating that she hadn't noticed her friend until she had sat down on the table across hers. The blonde had raised her attention, just for a moment, to let her eyes rest, but she had quickly averted her gaze as soon as she had met Karlie's expectant stare. She didn't know if it had been a coincidence, for them to be in the same place at the same time, but Taylor had quickly hidden her blushing cheeks by bending her head even more, so that her friend could only see her blonde mane. She had been sure she had heard a disappointed sigh coming from the brunette, but now that she thought about it, it could have been her imagination playing games with her head.

Taylor sighed, looking at the reflection on the mirror that was staring back at her. Tonight was Christmas night and she was supposed to play the organ for most of the Mass. The blonde slowly fastened the buttons of her ivory kirtle. Pupils wore white during Christmas because of religious reasons, but Taylor couldn't wait to see Karlie in a white uniform; she was sure that she would look like an angel, with her brunette hair sprawled across her back covered with the white silky fabric of the kirtle. The girl quickly shook her head; tonight _was not_ the night to think about her friend like that. Although she wasn't sure if she could Karlie her friend, since they haven't talked to each other since that dark night. She liked to think that this was just an obstacle in the journey that was their friendship, something that together they could move on from.

With that optimistic thought in mind, she took one last steading breath and exited her dorm, walking quietly towards the church adjacent to the courtyard. The holy place was already filled with girls and silent. She made the sign of the cross, briefly kneeling to the ground before heading towards the instrument. Sister Catherine greeted her with a smile, standing beside the organ as she handed her the music sheets. It was obvious that they had been waiting for her, and after a quiet sigh, she started the first song of the Mass. Soon, the voices of the pupils and of the nuns run smoothly along the notes echoing around the church, and Taylor faintly smiled at the angelic sound. She loved moments like these; where everyone was in harmony, their voices complementing the sound of the organ perfectly.

The blonde had been so caught up in her performance that she didn't notice Karlie until it was time for the Eucharist. Her hands slid along the keys as she watched the brunette stand in front of the prioress, the nun placing the holy bread in between Karlie's opened lips. The tall girl quietly said an _Amen_ as she went back to her place. It was obvious that she had avoided looking in Taylor's direction, as her eyes had been trained on the marble ground while heading back to her bench. Taylor finished the song and sister Agnes was kind enough to walk over to her and place the Eucharist in the blonde's mouth. She said a silent prayer, and during the moment of silence that followed, Taylor made the mistake to quickly glance towards Karlie, surprised to be looking into warm and longing green eyes. The blonde blushed slightly as the Mass proceeded, their stares meeting from time to time.

Taylor had been right; Karlie looked like an angel. Even more when the brunette had finally gathered the courage to walk up to her. The blonde was caught off guard when she stood up from the black leather jacket and bumped into the taller girl. She opened her mouth to let out words, however nothing came out from it. Karlie looked confident, standing broad shouldered in front of her as she gazed down at the shorter girl. Taylor heard the other girls exit the church as the Christmas Mass had finally finished with the last note she had played a few moments ago. It was already past one in the morning, but she didn't feel tired now that her friend was standing a few centimeters away from her.

"Kar—,"

"No, just hear me out," the brunette interrupted her, placing a single finger on her parted lips. Taylor swallowed thickly, feeling her heartbeat quicken at the feeling of her fingertip on the sensitive skin of her mouth. "We need to talk about what happened. About what you said before running out of the room,"

The blonde simply gazed at her, unable to form coherent sentences. She was sure they looked suspicious, with Karlie standing closely to her with her finger resting gently on her upper lip. She had a feeling that sister Catherine was watching them, but was glad to find out that it was not true. She took a step back from the tall girl, taking a deep breath after discovering that she was breathless; just standing beside Karlie made her whole body tremble with pining, with a longing that wasn't there before their first kiss.

"Karlie, I—,"

"No," the brunette interrupted her. "Don't speak. Just—I'll be in the storage room until the sun rises. You'll find me there,"

The invitation was tempting, but something was still holding her back from completely letting go. Taylor stared at Karlie, not agreeing nor disagreeing as she watched the brunette back away from her and exit the church. It was when she looked at the picture of God that the fog in her mind cleared and left space to golden words;

_"For you, I would cross the line_

_I would waste my time_

_I would lose my mind"_


	13. Chapter 12

What she was about to do was absolutely insane; she was aware of that.

The decision of accepting Karlie's proposal made her anxious in the best way possible, as her feet dragged her through the long dark hallways towards the small storage room. Her mother had always told her to be reasonable, to always be aware of the consequences that would follow her actions. However, right now, the rational part of her being was far gone; it slipped away from her body with every step she took towards the storage room, her lips slightly parted and her hands clasped together. Her pace was quick, oblivious to the risk she was taking as her shoes glided along the cobblestone. It was as if she didn't care about the possibility of running into a nun; it was as if she cared about nothing at all, not even about the fact that she was going against the rules and committing sinful behavior. She already felt the burning tongues of flames of Hell grazing her feet, as if it was a warning from God, telling her that she would end up there if she didn't stop whatever her and Karlie were doing. But, _God_ , whenever she thought about putting an end to whatever her relationship with the brunette was, whenever she thought about regretting it all, the images of _that_ kiss came flooding back inside her brain, drowning all the remorse, all the concerns.

That single kiss was worth all of the pain, all of the consequences they would face, if it meant that more kisses like that one would be in their future. _Karlie_ was worth it. She knew it from the very first time she had started feeling these emotions for her, it was just that denial was keeping her away from the brunette. She would relive their first kiss again and again, if only she could turn back time. When Karlie had pressed her lips against hers, she had been _so_ shocked that she hadn't even enjoyed it. She blamed herself for not properly remembering the taste of Karlie's thin lips, and this made her accelerate her pace even more, as she finally turned around the corner and was finally walking down the last corridor that separated her from her friend. Taylor reached the wooden door, taking a deep breath, repeating to herself, _this is worth it,_ before grabbing the doorknob and pushing it open. Knocking hadn't been the first thought she had in mind a few seconds ago, but as soon as she saw the brunette's frightened and mild surprised expression, she immediately regretted it. She wanted to apologize, for having been so reckless and for having scared her, but the words died in her throat; Karlie was still wearing the white kirtle from the holy celebration, and that could mean that she had gone straight to the storage room when she had exited the church. Taylor doesn't know what that fact meant, but she locked the door behind her back nevertheless, her stare always trained on her friend. The taller girl completely faced her, just two meters separating their bodies as they stared into each other's soul.

Taylor took a step forward, decreasing the distance between them as she swallowed thickly. The more she moved closer, the more she felt her body go on fire. "I feel it, too," the words were inaudible, but the silence had been so deafening that Karlie heard them anyway. The brunette kept quiet, her mouth forming a slight pout as she watched the blonde shift closer. Taylor wanted to touch her, to feel the silky fabric of her clothing slide against her fingertips; and so, she did just that. She reached forward and placed her hands against her collarbones, her hands closing into fists and holding onto the white satin. That action brought the brunette girl even closer, their height difference evident as Karlie had to duck her head in order to look at Taylor in the eyes. The blonde wanted to say more just to fill the tense silence, but what she did next was completely out of her control; Taylor leaned in quickly, puckering her lips and overlapping them with her friend's. They lacked experience, but even though the blonde didn't know what she was doing, she pushed her body against Karlie's, their noses bumping gently and awkwardly. They stayed like that for a few seconds, their eyes closed shut, their lips sealed.

The brunette was the first to pull away, her breath hitting Taylor's still closed eyes. The blonde felt her friend's fingers stroke her hips; was it an attempt to bring her closer, even though there was no more distance between their bodies?

"We're sick," the shorter girl found herself whisper. When she unveiled her eyes to the other girl, she was not surprised to see Karlie still so close to her face.

"If my love for you were a disease, then I want it to eat up every single piece of my being," Karlie whispered back.

_Love._ So they _were_ talking about the same thing. Her friend's confession somehow made Taylor feel better, it put her at ease, and it made her feel less alone. She couldn't help but crave another taste of her lips, so she stood on her toes and kissed her again; gently, with longing. Their lips fit like puzzle pieces, Taylor's plump and full lips putting enough pressure against Karlie's thinner ones. When the blonde pulled away from their third kiss, Karlie immediately missed the warmth of her face being so close to hers, and finally placed her hands on her hips and brought her closer. Their fronts collided, and the feeling of the brunette's modest breasts against hers made Taylor shiver, her mind wandering back to her dream. _Will I ever live something like that?_ She shouldn't want it, but Taylor _yearned_ for her touch. She felt every single cell in her body screaming, begging her to just touch every single part of Karlie's lithe body. _But_ there was _still_ something holding her back.

"Karlie, we're—this is wrong. We're being _disrespectful_ to God. We shouldn't even _want_ whatever is going on between us,"

"Taylor—,"

"No," the blonde interrupted, and once again panic made her retreat. "We can't do this. We must stop. That kiss never happened," she said firmly, but her voice wavered with uncertainty, a burning pining laying behind her scared blue eyes. She wanted to get away, the immense urge to run out of this room setting her whole body on fire as she tried to break free from Karlie's steely hold on her waist.

"Taylor, wait," Karlie seemed to understand her intentions, and not wanting to repeat the night that had happened days ago, she tightened the grip on her hips and pulled her even more against her chest. The thin fabric of their kirtle wasn't enough thick, because Taylor felt _everything_ ; from the brunette's hard abdomen, to the small nub of her breasts.

It was all too much, and closing her eyes she pushed her fists against the brunette's chest, wanting to pull away completely. "Please," she pleaded in a whisper. "Let me go,"

"No," Karlie replied firmly, keeping her in place. "Not until you tell me you don't want this," she added. The brunette gauged her reaction, and when seeing nothing but expectant eyes looking up at her, she continued, "Tell me that you don't want me as much as _I_ want _you_. Tell me that you want me to _stop_ , and I'll let you go,"

The answer was simple; she could tell Karlie that she didn't want to do this and walk away, or she could simply confirm her suspicions; that she wanted this, too. That she craved her as much as Karlie did. Taylor absolutely didn't want her to stop, if anything, she wanted her to just kiss her and _never_ let her go.

Therefore, she found her answer right within the depths of Karlie's green eyes; of _course_ she wanted her. Of course she didn't want her to stop. And of course she _loved_ her, too.

With determination, she listened to her heart for once, and left behind the rational part of her brain, as she basically threw herself in the brunette's arms and _kissed_ her. It was different from their other kisses; this one was filled with longing, with passion, with love, and lastly, with hope. It told Karlie that Taylor was as much frightened as she was, but she didn't want to back away now. Not when the feeling of Karlie's lips against hers were like some kind of drug she couldn't help but constantly long for.

The blonde tightly wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck, involuntarily letting out a faint whimper at the feeling of their chests tightly pressed against one another. Karlie enveloped her in her own arms, hugging her close while they devoured each other's mouth. Since they were not experienced, never having kissed somebody before, their noses bumped lightly at the most inconvenient of times, Taylor's lips sometimes landing onto her chin instead of her mouth. It were all the little imperfections that led them against the wall, the blonde's hands lost within Karlie's soft tresses while the brunette had her own hands against the uneven edges of the cobblestone wall.

Their kisses soon turned sloppy, their mouths opening and leaving space to their shy tongues as they engaged in a gentle war. Quiet gasps echoed around the room, their lips never separating, not even for air.

And, _God,_ Taylor thought, _if sinning means feeling like you're in heaven, then I want to spend the rest of my life sinning just like this._

 

⛪

 

It was a beautiful day. The sun was hanging high in the blue sky, the smile never leaving her face as she sits against a tree, her leather journal laying on her lap. Taylor stared at the moving white clouds, which sometimes covered the ball of fire and let a slight dark loom over the courtyard. A few students were playing happily a few feet away from her, their laughs filling the atmosphere along with the chirping birds. The year 1314 had just begun, and the blonde felt like this was going to be a great year; that was, if nobody would find out about her and the brunette.

  
_Karlie._ The smile on her face only grew wider at the thought of the taller girl; they've basically been inseparable ever since they've accepted that their feelings weren't going anywhere anytime soon. That Christmas night, where they had spent the majority of the night showing each other what they meant to the other through the urgent movement of their lips, still flashed at the forefront of her mind. Taylor still remembers the singularity of her touch, the euphoria that Karlie's lips against hers provided her. The happenings of that night were like a dream sequence inside her brain; surreal and a little bit fuzzy at the edges. She still thought that it had never happened, but then Karlie would smile at her and everything would suddenly make sense. She had met her by serendipity; she had never met in her life someone as nurturing and sweet as her. She considered herself lucky, because now that Karlie was hers, and she was Karlie's, nobody could ever take her away from her. She wouldn't let that happen.

Taylor sighed dreamily, glancing down at the words carved on the slightly wrinkled page. _Don't blame me, love made me crazy / if it doesn't you aren't doing it right / Lord, save me my drug is my baby / I'll be using for the rest of my life._ She was finally content with the chorus of her song, feeling like it was complete now that she had added those two verses.

When she looked up, the smile on her face turned into an almost painful grin that reached her sparkling blue eyes. There she was, walking towards her, her head slightly lowered so as to hide a blush; Karlie. She was wearing the usual grey uniform, her long brunette hair assembled in a beautiful waterfall braid as it shone under the bright rays of the sun. Silently, the taller girl reached Taylor and sat beside her, greeting her with a small smile, a blush already forming on her sharp cheekbones.

"Hello," the blonde said quietly, her eyes involuntarily glancing down at her thin lips. _Not here,_ she warned herself.

"Hi," Karlie looked at the journal. "What are you doing?"

"Still writing that song,"

"When will I hear that again?"

Taylor giggled. "When it'll be finished. Now it's just imperfect,"

"From what I remember, that was the most beautiful song I've ever heard,"

The blonde chuckled and averted her gaze. "Stop, you will make me blush."

"Then I will not. You are cute when you're embarrassed," she complimented her.

Taylor couldn't stop smiling, slowly closing the notebook and putting it aside. "Why are you so charming? Have you always been like that?"

Karlie smiled proudly, breathing in. "Only with beautiful girls."

The shorter girl pushed her shoulder, earning a heavenly laugh from the brunette. "You're so annoying,"

Karlie feigned hurt, as she parted her lips and placed her hand against her chest. "You offend me,"

They shared a laugh, their pinkies brushing briefly between their thighs. Taylor wished she could hold her hand, but then she spotted a sister talking with other students and immediately retracted her hand, placing it on her lap.

"Can I see you tonight?" Karlie quietly asked, leaning in closer.

Taylor swallowed and managed a nervous smile. "We've seen each other last night, we can't risk it again tonight," she replied, trying to sound as nonchalance as possible, but when seeing actual disappointment in Karlie's eyes, she quickly added, "Tomorrow night. I promise,"

The taller girl swiftly nodded and attentively looked around. When confirming that nobody was nearby them, she leaned in and whispered against the blonde's ear, "I really want to _kiss_ you right now,"

The seductive and slightly needy words were enough to make Taylor shift in her seating position, as Karlie pulled away and looked down at her with lustful eyes. She noticed the other girl glancing down at her slightly parted lips, but Taylor couldn't risk being suspicious; they were outside, where everybody was watching.

She swallowed, an uncomfortable ache between her legs making her clasp her own hands tightly. "Tomorrow," she promised; Karlie nodded.

And then, the bell rang, and dinner time came quicker than expected. That night, when Taylor went back to her dorm to sleep, only one worry was floating around her brain; how long will she resist before she completely concedes herself to Karlie?

 

⛪

 

Taylor was thinking about the previous night when sister Catherine had approached her. 

  
As promised, the blonde met up with the brunette at the storage room. She still blushed, recalling how Karlie had practically pushed her against the cold wall made of cobblestone and kissed her senselessly. When she had told the blonde she was tired of standing up, Karlie had sat on the uncomfortable ground of the chamber and beckoned her to sit on her lap. The situation had started to get steamier, with Taylor's legs on either side of the brunette's legs and all of her weight placed on her thighs. The position had made the shorter girl blush, as she had to strangely duck her head in order to stare into Karlie's eyes rather than look up, given their height difference. Taylor had gingerly placed her hands onto her broad shoulders, leaning in and kissing her tenderly. She had been surprised when the taller girl had circled her waist with her long and muscular arms, pulling her even more closer. Her thighs had brushed against the thin fabric of her undergarment, and Taylor had blushed even more when a moan had escaped from her parted lips, a sound that she's never heard nor made. However, as much as the situation had been rather arousing, it unfortunately led to nothing.

"Taylor, did you hear me?"

The blonde startled, sister Catherine's voice taking her by surprise while her cheeks reddened. The nun raised her eyebrows, waiting for her to answer. "Um, no, I'm sorry,"

The woman frowned at her carelessness and looked up at the cloudy sky. Taylor was sitting on the concrete block that united each column to the others. Nobody but her was outside today, as the chilly air had scared everyone away; most of the students must be in the library. The nun sat down across her with a sigh, straightening her black tunic before placing her dainty hands on her lap.

"Are you okay?"

The blonde smiled. "Of course, I'm okay. Thank you for asking,"

Sister Catherine nodded. "You always seem so distant from the other girls," she observed. "But I'm glad you've found a friend. Karlie, right? She seems like a very sweet girl."

Taylor tensed at the mention of her _lover_. She offered her a tight lipped smile, not replying to her statement, afraid she'll be suspicious.

The nun watched her attentively for a moment, before speaking once again, "I have to tell you something,". Taylor waited with bated breath, sure she was about to hear that she and Karlie haven't been as subtle as they believed. Sure she was about to hear that the nuns had found out about their little and sinful secret. However, what sister Catherine said next, rendered her speechless.

"Your Father is here to see you."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update is here! i'm literally so in love with this story, i hope you are too!! anyways, i don't think that there is a lot left, but if you would like to see something in this universe, request!! i accept all of your ideas! lastly, thank you so much for always supporting me and my stories, i know i say this a lot and it's probably annoying, but it means a lot to me ♡


	14. Chapter 13

When she saw him for the first time after six years, her Father was unrecognizable; from his wrinkled forehead and weary, apathetic blue eyes, to his thin, cracked lips and grey tousled short hair. Sister Catherine had led her to the large hall where students met their visitors; a place she's never visited until now. The ceiling was high and decorated with rib vaults. Inside the room, square tables stood ominously in the middle of it. In one of them, Taylor's Father sat quietly, his back hunched and his hands joined. Flanked by a young nun, he looked up just as Taylor and sister Catherine approached him. His features immediately lit up with an emotion she's never seen on his face; happiness.

"Oh, thank God, Taylor, you're here," he said, getting up so as to hug his daughter. The blonde stiffened, but fortunately the sister standing beside him stopped him.

"Sir, you shall not have any physical contact with the student," she warned him. Sister Catherine informed her she could go, that she would take care of the situation, and Taylor watched her go before the nun beside her urged her to take a seat across her Father. The blonde gingerly and unwillingly sat down on the wooden chair, not meeting the man's eager stare.

"I will be a few feet away, if you need me," the nun stated, finally walking away from them and leaving them alone. Taylor felt her heart rate quicken when glancing briefly at the man she used to proudly call her father.

"What are you doing here?" she didn't mean to sound so rude, but her voice came out rather harsh and curt. She saw him shift nervously, pulling at the roots of his hair as he sighed desperately.

"I wanted to see you."

"After you've left me waiting for six years?"

She swallowed thickly, starting to get annoyed and angry at her Father. She didn't want to be here, sitting in front of him and hear his poor excuse of an apology. Taylor wanted to be elsewhere, possibly in a place where Karlie was, where the taller girl could console her like nobody could.

"I'm sorry,"

"I don't want to hear it,"

"You must treat me with respect. I'm still your Father," he tried to sound mad, his voice trembling slightly.

"You were," Taylor objected, sounding mildly sad as she lowered her head. "Now, not anymore," she added in a whisper.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, but before the blonde could open her mouth, he continued, "I wanted you to know how deeply sorry I truly am. In a year and a half you'll set off to a monastery, and I'll never see you again. Therefore I wanted to apologize; it's not your fault if your Mother died. It's not your fault if she got terribly sick. It's not your fault, and I'm sorry if I made you believe that it was,"

Taylor gritted her teeth and clenched her jaw, surprised to find herself getting emotional over his words. She averted her eyes, not wanting to show him how much his apologies have affected her as he studied her delicate profile. The blonde kept quiet, stubborn; she didn't want to forgive him so easily, not when he had spent _years_ and _years_ blaming her for his wife's death.

"You look _so much_ like her," he affirmed quietly, a melancholic smile gracing his old features. She turned and met his sad gaze, showing him how much emotions were swirling within her blue eyes. "You have her nose, her blonde hair, and her beautiful blue eyes," he kept on saying. "I'm sure you are as kind and sweet as she was,"

Her mouth shut, she let a single tear slide down her pink cheek. Taylor noticed his hesitation; he obviously had wanted to reach out, but the nun's warning had probably echoed around his mind. They looked at each other, the man probably wanting to hear that he's been forgiven. Taylor, on the other hand, was struggling; he had put her through _so much_ when she was just a young girl. He had _blamed_ her for something that was simply out of her control, and six years ago, the night before he had brought her here and decided what her future would look like, he had told her he _hated_ her. His voice had been so cruel, so low that at the time, she had felt shivers run down her spine. And Taylor had believed him, then. _He_ hated her, and because of the blonde his wife was long gone. Father had never told her exactly why her mother had suddenly vanished into thin air, because whenever she asked this simple question, she would get a glare from him, followed by screaming and a slap on her cheek. But now, six years later, she wanted to know. The curiosity was just too much, and the last time she had asked about her mother she was twelve years old, and young, and innocent. Now, she was nineteen years old, she has grown up, and above all she was _mature._

So, with a trembling voice, she asked quietly, "Why did Mother die? If it wasn't _truly_ my fault, why isn't she alive right now?"

Father ducked his head, ashamed to meet his daughter's steely gaze. "She had the influenza. Three days with that disease and then she was gone," he was heartbroken, and when Taylor didn't reply right away, his feelings got the best of him. The man covered his scrunched up face as he let out a silent cry, his shoulders shaking by the force of his sobs. The blonde, not able to bear the sight of her sorrowful father, averted her gaze and clenched her jaw. Her hands turned into fists, her heart tightening as she was overcome with emotions; she missed her mother. She missed her deeply, and now that she knew it wasn't her fault, she let herself cry. A few tears cut through her cheeks as she inhaled deeply, swallowing a painful sob.

Her father reached out for her with one hand, the other still on his face, and she was surprised when his chapped fingers gripped her dainty hand tightly. She didn't pull away; figuring Father needed somebody to hold onto, to lean on. She has always loved him, even when she despised him the most, she still loved him with her whole heart, because he was her father. The man that was crying the death of his wife wasn't just any man, he was _her_ father. Therefore she squeezed his hand, hoping to provide him some type of comfort.

"I'm sorry for bringing you here," he cried, unveiling his tear stained face to his daughter. "I decided your future without even asking."

"Do not worry," she replied. She took a deep breath, "I'm fine, here," she said. The sparkling in her blue eyes was convincing enough, and for the first time today, Father _smiled._ He smiled at her as if what she had just said was the most beautiful thing in the world; with wrinkles beneath his eyes and a tooth missing from his mouth, rendering the smile even more perfect. When Taylor looked behind her shoulder, she saw sister Catherine quietly watching them, a sympathetic expression decorating her features. As much as she wanted to keep him company, she had a Latin lesson to attend. "I have to go, now," she said. And surprising even herself, she whispered, "I forgive you, _Father_ ,"

Taylor squeezed his hand.

"I love you, Taylor," he said just as softly, kissing her knuckles before letting her go. She didn't have the strength to say the same thing back to him, and without uttering another word, she turned around and exited the hall.

 

⛪

 

Taylor felt like suffocating. 

  
The oxygen inside her room seemed unable to reach her lungs, as her chest heaved and her lips parted. She sat on the edge of her bed, her fingers gripping the white sheets beneath her. The blonde tried to close her eyes, attempting desperately to erase the image of her father from her mind but to no avail. His beaming smile and his honest confession of love was imprinted in her brain; they left an indelible mark on her heart.

She rocked her body back and forth, her arms gently going around her chest as she kept breathing heavily. The noise of her shallow breaths sounded in the small and dark chamber, the only light coming from the faint candle by her wooden night stand. The moon outside was watching the entire boarding school sleep, just one of the pupils being incapable of falling into a deep state of unconsciousness. Taylor had shamelessly skipped supper, but none of the nuns had looked for her; perhaps nobody had noticed her absence. The blonde wasn't even hungry, the incredibly tight rope tied around her stomach preventing her from feeling like she was starving, given the fact that lunch had been the last meal she had eaten.

But food wasn't the problem; it wasn't what she needed at the moment. What she needed, instead, was Karlie, and her loving touch and warm green eyes. Unfortunately, not showing up at dinner meant that she missed her opportunity in seeing her lover, and now she was left empty handed. Taylor craved her feather touch, her butterfly kisses and her sunshine grin. She felt herself going crazy, a quiet whimper escaping from her parted lips as she threw her head back, the breathlessness getting worse, the images of her father becoming more vivid. She said a silent prayer, her mouth forming the holy words as she tried to connect with God. However, like a broken strand, she was unable to reach Him, as if He was distancing himself away from her sinful hands. Taylor wanted to throw out the tension that had her feeling this way, wanted to feel some kind of ease out of this pure pain within her body.

And, as if God had actually listened to her wishes, the faint sound of a knock at the door met her ears. The blonde looked up, stared at the doorknob for a second, before she lunged forward, opening it carefully. She expected a nun — who would scold her for skipping supper — but instead, her good looking, handsome and mysterious lover was on the other side of the door. An anxious and worried frown rested upon her impeccable visage, and without exchanging a word, Taylor let her in. The blonde closed the door and safely locked it, not wanting to run the risk of being discovered by the sisters. Karlie analyzed her, before comfortably sitting down on the same spot Taylor had been sitting on a few moments ago. With a quick glance to her side, the brunette beckoned her to sit down beside her. Taylor hesitantly walked the distance that divided them and plopped down beside her. Her lover stared at her for a few moments, her green eyes observing all the distinct features of her face, before a hand reached out and pushed a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Taylor glanced down at her thin and luxurious lips, but refrained when actual words came out of them.

"Why weren't you there during supper?"

The blonde swallowed and looked away. "My father visited me today."

Karlie gasped, her mouth parting. Taylor looked so vulnerable, with her shoulders slightly hunched and a frown gracing her visage. "How—how are you feeling?"

"I—," she wanted to say horrible, but her words died in her throat as soon as she gazed into her green eyes. "I'm okay," she whispered. "I'm okay now that you're here," she added boldly. Something inside of her irises shifted, and suddenly, Taylor's senses were overcome with the singular taste of Karlie's lips against hers and her particular scent invading her nostrils. The blonde welcomed the unexpected kiss, but knew it was different; this wasn't gentleness, this was rough, passionate, lust. It tasted like the original sin, with Karlie's teeth sinking down on her plump bottom lip. A forbidden sound, a dainty hand tangling within blonde hair, the creak of the bed as their bodies shifted and faced each other. Both of the brunette's hands run through her shoulder length tresses, another noise escaping her parted mouth as a hesitant tongue brushed against hers.

"I want you," Karlie whimpered, detaching her lips and moving them lower. Her mouth connected with the sensitive pale skin of her neck, as Taylor tilted her head to the side, allowing her more room to work with. Her teeth scraped the line of her jaw, and the blonde found herself whimpering. A sudden fire lit up within her body, the warmth spreading from her neck to the tip of her toes. Karlie's right hand rested against the mattress while the other found her hip, desperately pulling her closer as the brunette whimpered against her neck.

"Kar—," Taylor gasped, as her lover's teeth sank into her flesh unexpectedly, sending a jolt through her spine. "Karlie, the nuns. They could hear us,"

The brunette whined quietly and pushed her front against Taylor's side. "My desire for you is burning me alive," her hand lightly caressed her thigh, the fabric of the blonde's kirtle being the only thing separating them from skin to skin contact. Taylor stifled a moan, placing her hands against her cheeks and pushing Karlie's face against hers, kissing her senselessly. _Desire._ Was this what the nuns were holding them back from?

The brunette apparently took her kiss for permission, as she placed her hands against her hips and pushed her down. Taylor slid her body against the sheets as she rested her head upon the soft pillow. Karlie hovered above her, hands gingerly trailing up her covered sides. The brunette kissed her, the noise of their lips colliding being the only sound inside the blonde's chamber. Her lover pushed all of her weight against her body, essentially lying on top of her as her hands — guided by lust — glided over her trembling arms and reached her hair, tugging it gently as she moved her lips to her neck. Their legs tangled, Karlie sucked on her flesh, a collective quiet moan escaping from their lips. Taylor had never felt such a strong emotion split her whole body in half; it was as if she was slowly ascending towards the sky, invisible wings flapping around her as she reached fluffy and white clouds.

Karlie suddenly put her weight on one arm, propping herself up as she started untying the buttons of the front of Taylor's kirtle. _I'm wearing nothing underneath,_ she thought in a panic, as her chest now heaved for a different reason. While moments ago it was terror taking the air out of her lungs, now it was anticipation and pining. Karlie's hands were slow, hesitant but urgent as the number of the buttons were coming to an end. Taylor's shallow breaths and occasional whimpers made Karlie glance up at her. "Can I?" she questioned, her fingers already opening the front of her kirtle. When her lover nodded quickly, her chest was already exposed. The brunette casted her gaze upon the creamy and perky breasts of the other blonde, the nub of her hard nipple beckoning her to close the distance. Taylor watched her as she wrapped her lips around the rosy skin, unexpectedly sucking on it. The shorter girl moaned, the sound surprising her given that she has never emitted one. As much as it was wrong, it felt good. _Incredibly_ good. Perhaps Karlie lacked experience, but the firmness of her tongue and the certainty of her kisses certainly compensated for it.

The more the brunette kissed and sucked and nibbled on her breasts, the more the room filled with her sinful moans.

When she was satisfied with her work, Karlie moved her kisses to her shoulders, letting the sleeves of her uniform slide off of her arms. Meanwhile, her hands played with her breasts, kneading them as it earned her more of Taylor's heavenly whimpers. The blonde kept one of her hands against the pillow, gripping it tightly as the other found Karlie's broad shoulders. Her lover, driven by desire, didn't take off her kirtle, but rather slid her right hand up her leg and under the satin fabric of her uniform.

The contact came as a surprise for the blonde, as the brunette avoided her undergarment and immediately touched the warm place between her legs. Karlie sucked on her neck while Taylor let out a quiet high pitched moan, wriggling beneath her feather touch. Nobody has ever touched her there; only the Karlie in her dreams had, but this wasn't a fragment of her unconscious mind. This was reality, and she probably had let out a loud moan as Karlie came up to her face and silenced her with a passionate kiss. Her fingers moved with inexperience, her thumb stroking her clit and making her shiver. Taylor moaned, the pleasure being too much for her to handle as she arched her back and wiggled beneath Karlie's weight. She tangled her own hands in her brunette hair, tugging it whenever the feeling made her clench her inner walls around her lover's digits.

It was a journey, a trip, the high getting closer and closer as Taylor ascended the sinful mountain of pleasure. She saw a light at the top of it, Karlie's kisses soothing the faint pain she was feeling as she met her thrusts with her eager hips. Her whole body was shaking with anticipation, her nails digging inside tender flesh as she continuously moaned against Karlie's ear, who was also breathing heavily against her neck. "Kar—Karlie," she whimpered, but the other girl kissed her instead. When their lips parted and Taylor looked down at their moving bodies, she saw Karlie's arm disappearing beneath the wrinkled fabric of her kirtle, and the sight made her even more aroused.

The brunette must have felt it, too, as she unexpectedly pulled out of her and abandoned her face in order to slide down her body. If Karlie's fingers inside of her were great, her tongue against her was even better. The blonde tasted like the clouds of heaven and burnt the back of the brunette's throat like the flames of hell. Taylor moaned once again, her face scrunching up in pleasure, her back arching and her hand gripping the pillow so as to ground herself. She bit her lip, unwillingly glancing down at the brunette knelt between her spread legs. She wishes she hadn't, because the sight of Karlie's face disappearing underneath the skirt of her uniform, her brunette hair the only visible thing, aroused her even more. While one hand almost broke the cushion underneath her head, the other gripped Karlie's free one, the other busy in holding Taylor's hips down.

Climbing towards the top of the mountain became easier, quicker, as the blonde looked up at the ceiling and let out a silent gasp as the tension within her body broke in half. The high that came along with the pleasure lasted for a few seconds, in which Karlie fixed her kirtle and came up, finally laying half of her weight on top of her.

Taylor's whole body trembled with the sensation that lust had left behind, however, she still felt like her hunger hadn't been completely satisfied. Therefore, when Karlie kissed her passionately on the lips — and tasted herself, — she wrapped her right arm around her back and pressed their fronts together, her other hand slipping beneath her kirtle. Taylor kissed her neck, while her digits finally came into contact with Karlie's anatomy. The brunette was much more silent than her, as she hid her face on the crook of her neck and threw her right leg over Taylor's abdomen, giving her more access. When the blonde found her sweet spot and easily slid inside of her, she started with a slow pace, trying to mimic what the taller girl had done to her mere moments ago.

With one arm squished between their fronts, Karlie's free hand reached over the blonde's body and gripped the other part of the mattress, her hips quickly falling into a rhythm as they grinded against Taylor's hand. If experiencing a high had felt surreal, watching someone else experience it was more like witnessing the birth of an impeccable angel. Karlie's moans were directly against Taylor's ear, only for her to hear, with her thin lips brushing against her cheek. The bed under them creaked with their rushed movements, the smell of lust and arousal floating around the room as Karlie quickly reached the top with a long and silent moan.

They relaxed against each other, the brunette's hand resting against her still bare and pale chest as she finally looked up at her blue eyes. Taylor caressed her slightly flushed cheek, sweat lining both of their foreheads as Karlie quietly whispered, "This was surreal,"

The shorter girl giggled. "I hope in a good way,"

Karlie quietly moaned against her cheek as she said, "I can _still_ feel _you_ inside of _me_ ,"

Taylor blushed, and kissed her forehead gently. "What you just did—," she stuttered. "That was incredible. I've never felt more content in my life,"

The brunette gazed into her blue eyes before gently kissing the tip of her nose. "Me too,"

Although neither of them have said it, this was their way of saying _I love you._ The three words have never been uttered by neither of them, as they were too shy and far too enamored to translate what they felt into three simple words. Taylor kissed her forehead again, and knew that, sooner or later, Karlie would have to go back to her own dorm. But for now, she was just happy with laying here, wordlessly, with her lover between her arms.

They laid there, with their faces a few centimeters apart and sharing the pillow as they gazed into each other's eyes. Karlie's words were the last sound she heard, before Taylor fell into a deep slumber:

 

 

"I wish I had met you sooner."


	15. Chapter 14

Sister Catherine was watching them from afar.

A few weeks ago, a nun whose name is Irene, had proposed that the students dedicate a whole afternoon to spend outside once a month. She thought that passing a day outside of the boarding school would motivate them in their studies and in their faith, so after a little insistence from her part and from other nuns, the prioress had finally agreed to the innovative proposition. Today was one of those days; the one hundred pupils had been divided into five groups of twenty people and, fortunately, Karlie and Taylor were in the same group. For each gathering, three nuns would accompany and supervise them.

For this first experimental outing, they had decided to go to a beautiful park nearby the school. They crossed the gravel street, entering the fenced open space of nature. Younger and carefree kids were running around, their mothers watching them carefully as the ivory headband covering their heads protected them from the faint February sun. The nuns responsible for this group were sister Catherine, sister Irene and sister Therese. The three of them were keeping an eye on the group of the twenty girls, but the only one that was watching the two lovers goofing around was sister Catherine, a soft smile playing at her lips. The other two nuns were relatively young, their pale skin looking fresh and their pitch black habit seeming too large for their slim and small bodies. Sister Catherine was probably the oldest among the three of them. She noticed how Karlie and Taylor had distanced themselves from the other pupils, dancing to no sound in particular as wide smiles split their visages in half. They looked as much carefree as the kids giggling around them, Karlie's arms going around Taylor's middle from behind as the blonde had lost her balance. When the action only seemed to worsen the situation, their feet awkwardly tangling, the two stumbled on the ground, both of them erupting in lively laughs. Sister Catherine watched how their hands were still linked together, their legs meeting below their covered knees. She noticed how Taylor placed her head against Karlie's shoulder, the smile on her face becoming more timid and restrained as little dimples appeared at the sides of her mouth. She saw how they stayed on the ground, not caring about the green grass underneath their bodies or the rays of the sun directly hitting their faces. They seemed content; it somehow made the nun frown, wishing she could have had a friendship like theirs.

"Do you think that this will benefit them?"

The nun turned towards the younger sister standing by her side, touched her white wimple and replied, "I think it will. I've seen only happy smiles today,". Sister Catherine looked back at Taylor and Karlie, whose faces were still wearing a huge and delighted grin. "I wish we had a day like this one," she admitted quietly. The two nuns directed their attentions towards the oldest, inquisitive looks on both of their visages. "Look at them, they're having _so much_ fun,"

"We had fun, too. In other ways, but we had fun," sister Therese said.

"I feel like all I've done in my life is loving God and getting down on my knees to pray," sister Catherine mumbled under her breath, but the other two women heard her. They stayed silent for a moment, the gravity and the meaning of the oldest nun's words weighing down upon their shoulders. "I'm—not regretting this. _I_ decided this life, but sometimes I just wish we would have more—,"

"—freedom," sister Irene finished for her. They shared an understanding smile, the younger sister's jade eyes looking warm and generous under the sun's light. "I know," she nodded sympathetically. "That's why I proposed this. I wanted to give those girls—," she pointed to the students in front of them, who were playing and having fun as if they didn't have to go back to the boarding school in a few hours. "—the freedom that we didn't have when we were their age,"

Sister Catherine nodded gratefully before directing her gaze towards the blonde and the brunette, who were now sitting with their backs against a large oak tree. Their sides were touching, but that wasn't what surprised sister Catherine the most; it was Karlie's loving stare as she looked down at the other pupil, who was simply talking while moving her hands around to emphasize the words she couldn't hear. It were the stars inside of her sparkling green eyes, the corner of her lips slightly turned upwards in the most intimate and gentle smile as Karlie listened to Taylor speak. 

 

But sister Catherine smiled; watching them interact was like witnessing the bloom of a beautiful red rose.  
  


 

⛪  
  


 

"You still wear the daisy,"

 

The soave feminine voice was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Taylor turned with a soft smile, instinctively tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, flushing slightly. Sitting outside in the courtyard, Karlie took her place beside her, their thighs brushing lightly. The blonde closed her journal and put it aside, completely facing the other woman by her side. "It's nice, isn't it?" she said, pointing to the yellow flower between her tresses. Karlie nodded. "If it's not in my hair, I usually put it between the pages of my journal or here in my pocket," her chin lowered and she indicated the small hollow of her kirtle, beside her heart. The brunette's eyes lingered on her chest, and when Taylor caught her, she looked away with a blush on her cheeks. What had happened between them after Taylor had met with her father was the only time they've been intimate, never having the opportunity to truly be alone and safe, not even in the storage room. It's been two weeks since Karlie has touched her in such way, the ghost of her fingertips still lingering on the blonde's skin. Taylor _craved_ another night like that one, but with all the prying eyes surrounding them, she knew they had to be discreet and careful about what they did behind closed doors. And then, _God_ , the last time they've kissed each other was _three_ days ago. Taylor missed her, missed her lips and missed the skin to skin contact. 

  
Taylor looked around with wide and attentive eyes, Karlie sitting quietly and curiously gazing at her as she waited for her to say something. And then, Taylor turned towards her, a confidence within her blue irises as she bravely and swiftly kissed her lover's lips. It was just a simple touch, a simple peck, but it was enough to ignite a fire in both girls' heart.

"Tay—,"

"I needed to,"

Out of breath, Karlie nodded. Taylor timidly gazed into her jade green eyes, one of her hands squished between their sides as the other hung in the air, unsure if she should — or rather, if she _could_ — reach out and touch her face. The blonde had the immense urge to close the gap again, as her hungry and lustful stare fell upon her thin lips, but the tangible tension between them was sliced by the shrilling noise of the bell ringing far away. The shorter girl was the first to stand up, waiting for her lover. They made their way towards the hallway, a few of the other students walking along them as they all hurried towards the dining hall. Night was quickly approaching, the cobblestone walls reflecting the orange and red colors of the sunset. As the two lovers headed towards their destination, Taylor suddenly felt an authoritative voice calling out her name from behind them. When she turned towards the source, their bodies halting in the midst of the waves of pupils, she met the prioress's cold eyes and felt an immense desire to just run away and hide like a little kid.

"Yes, sister Agnes?" her voice trembled terribly, and she felt Karlie's breath hitch.

"Could we have a word?"

Taylor glanced at sister Catherine, whose visage was lowered and withholding a scowl. She seemed worried, but the blonde swallowed and nodded tensely.

"Actually, you may come too, Karlie," the prioress added with a slightly higher voice, referring to the retreating girl behind Taylor. The two girls looked at each other in a panic, eyes wide and filled with fear as Karlie obliged. They followed the two sisters down the hall, the sound of the chattering students fading into tense silence as each corridor they walked through became darker and darker. They reached an area neither one of them has been to, and sister Catherine opened a wooden door and let the others in. Once inside, she closed the door safely and lit a candle, as the sunset colors weren't enough to provide them with some light. Two other nuns were inside the large room, a mahogany desk standing ominously in the middle of it. Taylor caught a glimpse of a small musk leather whip laying on the surface of the table, and shivered. Did someone catch their love affair?

"As you may know, students must _not_ wander around the school at night, correct?" the prioress walked around her until she stood in front of her, her dark hair hidden underneath the white wimple. Sister Agnes' eyes were as unreadable as ever, the wrinkles beneath them accentuated by the flickering light of the candles. She lifted her brows, waiting for her student to reply.

"Correct."

"Well, and you are aware that if one my students breaks a rule, they get punished, right?"

Taylor nodded, averting her gaze. She didn't understand why the nun was talking solely to her, when she was sure that they've been discovered.

Sister Agnes sighed. "One of the sisters caught you getting inside the storage room a few nights ago. One—," she stepped forward, highlighting her next words as she basically said them a few centimeters away from Taylor. "Why weren't you sleeping in your dorm? And _two_ — why did you have access to the storage room when I'm pretty sure Karlie is the only _one_ to have the keys,"

The time to build a lie was limited, so she quickly replied, "I—I'm sorry. I—I couldn't sleep, and I—,"

"Did Karlie give you the keys when she perfectly knows she shouldn't have?" the nun quickly glanced at the girl standing quietly behind the blonde.

Taylor heard Karlie open her mouth to speak, coming to her defense to probably cover her, but she didn't let her. She wouldn't let the sisters punish the both of them.

"Sister Agnes, I—,"

"I stole them," Taylor quickly lied. She knew by the disappointment swimming within the prioress' eyes that she was in so much trouble. If her going around the school at night wasn't enough, this would probably earn her a more severe retribution. Karlie gasped behind her, probably understanding that she didn't want to let the brunette cover her, but before she could expose her and tell the nuns that what she was saying was not the truth, Taylor spoke again. "I stole them when Karlie wasn't looking. I wanted to go to the storage room to have a space all to myself. I—I'm sorry,"

Sister Agnes sighed once again, her head shaking slightly as she turned towards the other sisters. They shared an unreadable look, Taylor's body trembling with anticipation as she stared at the whip on the table.

"I cannot let this go. You must be punished for this," the prioress' voice was as hard as the pavement beneath their shoes, but the words that came next made Taylor swallow thickly. "Bend over the desk."

The blonde obliged, her cheek laying against the indented wood of the table as she waited for what was coming next.

"Could I—shall I leave?" she heard Karlie say, her voice wavering.

But then, sister Agnes replied, "You may stay and watch."

Taylor knew Karlie wanted to protect her, to say something on her behalf and get her out of trouble, but it was too late. From the corner of her eye, she saw the brunette shift uncomfortably, and her punishment hadn't even begun. "Sister Angelica, please, could you untie the binding of Taylor's kirtle and show me her back? And please, bring me the holy water." The prioress demanded, standing behind her where Taylor couldn't see her. Sister Catherine obliged and did what she was told. In the deafening silence of the chamber, she heard the faint sound of the nun lifting the whip from the table, and the first hit came sooner than expected. Unprepared, Taylor moaned, her eyes closing shut as her hands made their way to grip the edges of the desk, her knuckles turning white. She bit her lip, feeling her bare back sting from the strength of the first blow. Her chest heaved with dread, but as much as she prepared herself for the next hit, she realized that she couldn't be ready for such an unexpected thing, and soon the harsh material of the whip came into contact with the skin of her back. She whimpered, the sound of the whip slapping against her flesh and her painful moans echoing throughout the small walls of the room. Taylor heard Karlie sniffle, but she was too occupied in stifling a scream as the third blow took her breath away in the worst way possible. She couldn't see anyone from her position, but as the fifth and sixth slap hit her now bruised back, she felt embarrassed and ashamed. Embarrassed for letting Karlie witness this, and ashamed for having being so carefree and reckless. And when the tenth blow came, she couldn't hold it in anymore; tears streamed down from her reddened cheeks, and although the prioress was speaking, she only caught the words, "Holy water will clean your disappointing behavior," before feeling her wounds burn for coming into contact with the cold liquid. She whimpered, wishing everything would just finish. "Sister Catherine, please, fix her kirtle." Taylor felt gentle hands begin to cover her bare back, and when she was done, a soft hand helped her up.

The blonde glanced at her lover, whose eyes were filled with unshed tears. However, too soon, sister Agnes blocked her vision. "You shall go to your room and skip dinner. This is your punishment, and I sincerely hope you will learn from your mistakes and never break the rules again."

Taylor let out a silent cry as she felt hunger eat at her stomach. She rubbed her hands against her wet cheeks, the tears never halting as the bruises on her back stung like hell. Sister Catherine held her hand, and when she met her gaze, her eyes just showed one emotion; empathy.

Karlie began, "Sister Agnes, I—,"

"And you," the prioress faced the brunette. "Give me the keys to the storage room," the tall girl quickly handed her the keys, and that only meant one thing; not having access to the only private room inside this school could only disadvantage the two lovers. The nun and Karlie shared a look, as the brunette held back from Taylor, who had yet to meet her stare. The brunette wanted to reach out, take her in her arms, but having seen what could happen to them, she refrained and clenched her jaw.

"Sister, ple— ,"

"You may leave, now,"

With that, she casted a last glance in Taylor's way, _hesitated,_ and then exited the room silently. 

 


	16. Chapter 15

Breathing has never hurt so bad.

The wounds on the skin of her back sting, and she felt like the devil was constantly grasping her shoulders, gripping them tightly and never letting go of her. Taylor lied on her side, her hands clutching her forearms firmly while silent sobs shook her whole body. Closing her eyes, she could still feel the hard material of the whip against her flesh, and hear the sound that the action produced along with her moans and painful sobs. She hadn't expected such a cruel punishment from the nuns; however, if it wasn't with physical pain, how could they punish their students then?

Taylor curled up, folding her knees and bringing them to her chest as she hugged herself. She was hungry, afflicted and in desperate need of affection. The blonde's pillow was stained with her tears, and when she tried to move onto her back to try and fall asleep, she realized the binding of her kirtle pushing against her bruises hurt too much. Taylor let out another loud and desperate cry, whimpering as she gave up and once again laid on her side. The night was still young, the students were probably still having dinner, but _God_ , she just missed Karlie. Taylor hated herself for letting her see her at the lowest point of her life, and she hated herself even more when she considered that what the brunette had witnessed an hour ago had probably pained her emotionally. She didn't think about the possibility of her holding back from wanting to help her; she didn't see how Karlie had looked away from her when tears had started to spill from the blonde's eyes.

Lying had seemed the best option for her when sister Agnes had asked her the reason why she was in the storage room. She couldn't simply say that she was there because she had to see Karlie and _kiss_ her and _touch_ her. What would they have done if she had straight up told them the truth about her and the brunette? The punishment definitely wouldn't have been _just_ ten strokes. Who knows what could happen to them if the nuns found out about their little affairs. Taylor knew from the very first day that with this, with having the privilege of satisfying her needs and desires by kissing and touching Karlie, there would be _risks._ Her being around Karlie was a risk itself, but them secretly meeting at the storage room, them grazing each other's fingers under the table, or stealing glances from across the room, made every single wound on her back worth it. Taylor's love for the brunette made her feel complete, it made her heart soar with something that she's never felt. It made her feel _alive_ , something that religion and praying has never given her. In Karlie's presence, she constantly felt on a mountain's edge, an abyss under the tip of her toes waiting just for her. With each kiss, each touch or glance, she was freefalling, with nothing holding her back.

Thinking about the brunette distracted her from the pain on her back, as her sobs and cries gradually faded into simple whimpers and sniffles. Taylor clutched the ivory sheets beneath her fingers, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to focus on the memory of Karlie kissing her neck while touching her face. Eventually, a deep slumber engulfed her in its warm hands, and the next moment she opened her eyelids, shy rays of sun were filtering through the small square window across her. The blonde heard the faint sound of a bell ringing, and unwillingly got up, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands. The cuts on her back burned her skin, and she stifled a light whimper by biting her bottom lip.

Taylor ignored the pain for the entirety of the morning, heading towards the shared bathrooms to have her daily shower. Karlie luckily wasn't there, probably deciding to come later, after the first Latin lesson. The nuns ordered the few students to undress themselves, and Taylor did so slowly and shyly. She knew that her wounds would be bright red today, and the hot water the sisters would throw at her would probably make them burn. Nevertheless, she still took off her kirtle and stood naked among the other bare students, shuddering and whimpering quietly whenever a nun poured the wooden bucket of steaming water on her body. She rubbed a sponge against her skin, cleaning wherever she could reach. When the five minutes of shower were finished, she felt a few pair of eyes on her as she put on a perfumed and clean grey kirtle, ready for her day. The girls that had been looking at her were probably wondering why there were crimson red cuts on her back, but without uttering a word, as soon as she was dressed she exited the bathroom and went to her first class.

Everything went well; nobody was staring at her, the nuns weren't watching her with careful and attentive eyes. But still, there was one thing missing. _Karlie._ She didn't see her coming. Taylor was headed to the church, needing to go over some of the songs she would have to play in about thirty minutes. However, gentle fingers wrapped around her wrist, stopping her. The blonde turned around, surprise all around her face as she met Karlie's worried and anxious wide green eyes. The first thing she wanted to do was lunge at her and fall into her embrace, but being in the middle of a moving ocean of students, Taylor didn't dare to move. She swallowed, stared at the brunette, and waited for her to speak. Karlie looked around, her gaze attentive as she set her eyes on something the blonde couldn't see. Then, suddenly, the brunette grabbed her wrist and dragged her through the crowd of pupils, going in their opposite direction. Taylor didn't try to break free, until her grip was too harsh and pulled away just as they reached a secluded hallway, where no one could notice nor observe them.

"We need to talk," Karlie started, voice unsure and wavering. Her breath was irregular, a clear sign that she was overthinking or panicking about something Taylor wasn't aware of. She tried to calm her obvious anxiety by putting a hand against the brunette's forearm, but Karlie took a step back, creating a distance between them that has never been there before. The blonde tried not to take it personally, tried not to let the disappointment and pain get to her as she pursed her lips. Of course they should be careful; they were still outside, with the blinding light of the sun upon them, where everyone was waiting for them to give in and fall apart.

"About what?" Taylor feigned ignorance, already fearing the worst. She swallowed quickly, a sudden tension floating around them.

Karlie sighed and shifted her weight uncomfortably. She took a deep breath, "About what happened last night,"

The brunette was still being too vague, and Taylor swallowed again and blinked a few times. "You—don't worry about me. The wounds will soon turn into scars, they're not a prob—,"

"It's not that," she interrupted her. "It was the hardest thing to watch you bend over that desk and get punished while covering and protecting me. You didn't have to do that. You _shouldn't_ have done that,"

"What was I supposed to say?"

Karlie sighed. "You didn't deserve that punishment. I did,"

"We're in this together," Taylor admitted quietly. "We're both committing a sin. I deserved those blows,"

"I did too, then," Karlie replied exasperated. "I just—," Karlie inhaled shakily, holding her breath before exhaling slowly. She covered her face with both of her hands while shaking it, her feet moving slowly to decrease the distance between them. "I just need you," she whispered, looking down into her blue eyes. Taylor felt her heart clenching, a dull throb forming between her legs as Karlie's pinky brushed against her arm. The brunette shyly averted her gaze, taking another deep breath. "I'll come tonight to your room, that way we—,"

"No please, Kar, don't," Taylor panicked, finally moving towards her and grabbing her hands. She heard the brunette inhale sharply, their fronts almost touching as she continued, "You can't. They might see you and you could get punish—,"

"Tay—,"

"Please, Karlie. I'll come to your room, just tell me the number and I—,"

"No!" she exclaimed, involuntarily pushing her against the wall. Their bodies collided, unwillingly sending a jolt through both of their bodies. "No," she repeated with more calm. "You can't risk that."

"For you, I would risk it all," Taylor whispered, and she made the mistake to glance down at her thin lips. Lips that she desperately craved and needed against her own. It was as if gravity was pulling them towards one another, as the blonde instinctively leaned in, but Karlie spoke and brought her back to earth.

"You shall not risk this. They'll watch you carefully now that they know you wander around the school at night," the brunette whispered. The deep breath she took clouded Taylor's face, the blonde leaning against her shoulder as she involuntarily whimpered. The tension pulling at her stomach was too much, and she needed Karlie to know how much she wanted her. How much she _pined_ her.

"Kar, please," she moaned against her ear. She heard the taller girl swallow thickly, the grip on her hands tightening as her mouth brushed against her cheek. Karlie pulled away far too soon, too much distance separating them for Taylor's liking.

"I'll come to you. Tonight. Just wait for me," Karlie said in a whisper, fearing that someone might eavesdrop on them. With that, her index finger squeezed the blonde's, their eyes never parting until Karlie walked away and left her alone in the dark hallway. Taylor stared at the spot she was previously standing on, leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes: how could God give her hell and dress it up like heaven if then she couldn't even sin?   
  


 

⛪  
  


 

Taylor has never felt so much desire in her entire life, not even the first time Karlie has kissed her. She was waiting in her room, the night outside silent, sitting patiently on the edge of her bed when Karlie, without knocking, walked in the room with her perfect face and with her sparkling green eyes. The blonde immediately run into her arms, throwing her hands around her neck and kissing her passionately. Karlie kissed her back with as much force, fingers tightly gripping her waist, her own body pushing against Taylor's. It felt like ages since the last time they've kissed each other _properly_ , and just when the blonde tilted her head to deepen it, the brunette suddenly pulled away. 

  
She caressed her flushed cheek with the back of her hand, her knuckles brushing against soft skin. Karlie kissed her again, gently, before grabbing her hand and dragging her to bed. Karlie sat against the wooden headboard, her legs spread as she beckoned the other girl to sit in between them. Taylor did just that, their limbs entangling and creating an imperfect mess. The blonde carefully sat against the brunette's front, the sensation of Karlie's covered breasts against her wounds making her take a deep and steadying breath. The brunette gently circled her waist, pulling her against her body, and with a swift movement of the hand, she moved Taylor's soft blonde tresses to the side to give her direct access to creamy skin. Karlie moved closer, her breath on her lover's ear as she sloppily kissed her neck, just below her jawline. Taylor, as if in a trance, tilted her head to the side, plump lips parting, a soft noise coming out of them as she grabbed the hands on her stomach and squeezed them tightly. Karlie's mouth made a wet path of kisses until she reached the part of her body where her shoulder and neck met. Gently, she slowly began to untie the binding on the back of Taylor's kirtle, and the blonde was so far gone that she didn't even care that, once her whole back was bare of any flimsy fabric, the brunette could see every scar that the whip had left behind. Taylor let out a gentle whimper as Karlie moved her body forward with just a slight push to her waist, wanting to have full access to the skin of her back. The blonde stifled a surprised gasp, as the taller girl's lips moved along the length of one of her scars. Taylor smiled slightly; Karlie was _kissing_ every scar that was on her body, as if she was apologizing for something that she hasn't even done. She was so tender, taking her time with each bruise and hesitating every time Taylor flinched ever so slightly.

After having kissed each one of the blonde's wounds, Karlie placed her mouth against the nape of her neck, gently wrapping her arms around Taylor's body and pulling her closer once again. The brunette breathed in her unique scent, moaning quietly as she rubbed her hands along the blonde's abdomen.

"I've been longing for you ever since we made love for the very first time," Karlie whispered in her lover's ear. Taylor quietly whimpered, tilting her head to the side to properly meet her intense green irises. As their eyes met, the blonde leaned in agonizingly slow, capturing the taller girl's lips between her plump ones.

Suddenly, in between kisses, Karlie's hands that were around her waist began to move downwards, slightly lifting the skirt of her kirtle and slipping her hands underneath. The blonde, too distracted by the addicting taste of her lover's lips, was surprised when the brunette's fingertips teasingly moved along her slit. Taylor moaned in their kiss, her hips involuntarily following Karlie's retreating digits. The brunette watched her lover as she thrusted two fingers deep inside of her, the blonde moaning quietly as she inhaled deeply, her chest moving erratically. The shorter girl's back arched, as Karlie instantly set a steady pace of thrusts and strokes, both inside and outside of her. Soon, the sound of rustling sheets and sinful noises coming from both of them filled the silence of the night, as the brunette brought her even closer and kneaded one of Taylor's breasts through the fabric of her kirtle. The blonde moaned, throwing her head back in pleasure as she found a comfortable position that permitted her to grind against Karlie's hand. The brunette kissed the patch of skin of Taylor's arched neck, her hand still on the blonde's breast as she pinched her nipple lightly. Taylor's own hands were buried in her lover's hair, tugging it tenderly as her body convulsed with want and writhed in between Karlie's embrace.

Taylor found herself climbing the mountain of pleasure much faster than the last time; perhaps it was the hand over her breast, or maybe it was the other in between her legs that brought her over the edge. Nevertheless, the blonde gripped her lover's arm tightly, as a moan escaped her lips and vibrated against Karlie's mouth that was against the side of her throat.

However, Taylor felt like she couldn't just stop now; this couldn't finish so soon. "Ah, _God,_ Karlie," she moaned, rolling over and breaking the contact between Karlie's hands and her body. Driven by an immense longing, the blonde climbed on the brunette's lap and straddled her, her lover's fingers returning to their ministrations as Taylor rhythmically moved her hips against the hand between her trembling thighs. She whimpered, and _oh God_ , this was even better. The pressure of Karlie's fingers against her clit, the involuntary pace that her own desire had set, was driving her crazy. Taylor possessively gripped Karlie's broad shoulders, hearing the brunette mumble incoherent words as she wrapped her free arm around the blonde's waist. "Please, don't stop, please— _oh_ ,"

She was out of control; her head found its place on the crook of Karlie's neck, as the movement of her hips gradually increased. Taylor clenched her inner walls around her lover's digits, and a collective moan filled the silent room.

What she had experienced the last time couldn't be heaven, because she was sure that _this_ was heaven. Her thighs quivered uncontrollably, her stomach burned with lust, and the sounds coming out of her mouth didn't seem to have a limit, as they poured from her lips like a sinful waterfall. With Karlie's back flushed against the wooden headboard, Taylor pushed her more against it, grinding harder and harder as she couldn't get tired of the sensation that the brunette's digits scraping her inner walls brought her.

When she finally reached the edge, a silent moan parting her lips, she felt reborn; a sliver of sweat marked her creamy skin, as she stumbled tiredly against Karlie's heaving body. The brunette pulled out of her, pushing the tip of her sticky fingers inside her mouth and tasting Taylor's arousal. She moaned quietly, kissing the blonde's lips to let her taste herself. When they parted, the shorter girl was the first to gently smile.

Karlie caressed her cheek gently, and Taylor leaned in her soft touch. She closed her eyes, enjoying the aftertaste of their second time together.

The taller girl kissed her cheek. "I should go,"

Taylor wanted her to stay for a little longer, but she knew she couldn't hold her back. They've already risked too much. The blonde gripped her shoulders, Karlie understanding her train of thoughts without even asking her about it.

Wordlessly, Taylor pushed herself off of Karlie's lap and laid down on the bed, watching her lover get up and fix her kirtle. Karlie quietly padded to the door, and before she could exit the chamber, she quickly looked back at the girl lying on the mattress.

"I'll see you tomorrow, love," Karlie whispered her promise, stepping out of Taylor's bedroom while the other girl watched her leave.


	17. Chapter 16

The scars on her back, slowly, healed without anyone noticing.

Minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into days, but Taylor never saw Karlie again after that night. Taylor felt like something had changed, and not for the better. It wasn't like Karlie was avoiding her; they never crossed paths, they never had a class together, nor did Taylor see the brunette during the usual Mass. The blonde had started to worry; what if something had happened to her and she didn't know? What if Karlie was tired of her and of their little affair? What if—

But then Taylor heard it; her laugh, echoing around the hallways of the school like it was some kind of forbidden sound.

She turned around so fast that the healing scars on her back hurt a little at the sudden movement, but everything faded into nothing when she laid her eyes upon her. Karlie looked ethereal; perhaps it was because she hadn't seen her in days, and she had _missed_ her in more ways than one. Or maybe it was because, under the light of the burning sun of spring, her skin seemed golden. It had a glow of its own. And her smile—her smile was like the cherry on top. If Taylor wasn't blind before seeing Karlie today, she surely was now.

_What do I do?,_ she asked herself in a panic. But she didn't have time to register what was happening, because before she knew it, Karlie's eyes crossed the entire hallway and met hers in a stolen glance. The smile on the brunette's face faltered, the light in her eyes slightly vanished, and then she said something to the girl she was talking to. Taylor watched the entire interaction; how the other pupil nodded apprehensively and how Karlie suddenly walked down another hallway, away from the other students.

Now, without an ounce of doubt, Karlie was avoiding her; she had seen Taylor, and apparently she didn't want to talk to her. But Taylor didn't want to let her go that easily; she wanted explanations, and before she knew it, her feet were involuntarily dragging her toward the runaway Karlie. She saw her walk down a dark corridor, and despite her own racing heart, she still followed her, grabbing her by the wrist as soon as she was close enough.

"Karlie, I—,"

"What are you doing?"

Karlie frantically looked around, snatching her hand away from the blonde's. Taylor hid her disappointment and tried to look as unaffected by Karlie's rejection as possible. "I haven't seen you in days, I—I've missed you, Karlie,"

Hearing her name out loud from the blonde made the brunette shiver. "Taylor, I—,"

"Were you avoiding me?" Taylor immediately asked.

Karlie looked helpless, as she furiously opened her mouth various times just to close it seconds later. The taller girl grabbed the shorter one by the wrist, pushing her inside an empty room; or rather, an empty, dimly lit chapel. There, a small altar stood ominously a few feet away from them, two red candles lit beside the shrine sitting on top of it.

Taylor looked at Karlie, her eyes wide and waiting for an explanation. She was holding back from her, because even though they needed to talk, the blonde would rather push her own body against Karlie's and feel her lips forcefully press against her own. She's never been a needy person; but then, she's never been a sinful one, until Karlie came along and turned her whole world upside down.

"I'm waiting," Taylor stated quietly, impatiently. She held her trembling hands into fists by her sides, as she stared at the taller girl, who was standing in front of her, unbothered.

"For what?"

Taylor sighed exasperatedly. "We haven't seen each other in a while and you don't have an explanation for that?" the blonde asked breathlessly, already feeling the familiar stinging of tears threatening her blue eyes. She didn't want to cry; not when there was not a reason yet.

"I—I've been busy," Karlie replied, sounding unsure of her own statement.

Taylor, however, could see right through her lie. "Don't lie to me, Karlie. You've been avoiding me, and I want to know why,"

The taller girl shook her head, insecurity lining all of her face as she formed a thin line with her mouth. The action made Taylor's eyes fall down upon it, and the blonde, just to see if Karlie still wanted her as much as she wanted Karlie, lunged forward, grabbed her face and aggressively pressed her lips against the brunette's. The blonde quietly whimpered, having missed the peculiar taste of Karlie's lips, but soon regretted her actions when the brunette basically pushed her away from her.

"Why did you do that?" Karlie quietly asked, rubbing the back of her hand against her swollen mouth.

This time, Taylor showed the other girl how hurt she was when she heard Karlie say those words. "What? What do you—what do you mean?"

"Taylor—,"

"Do you remember us making love _twice_? Or did you just forget because I mean nothing to you now?"

"It's not like that,"

"Then explain it to me, Karlie. Explain it to me, because you've been avoiding me, you refuse to kiss me after all that we've done together,"

She watched Karlie swallow thickly, not meeting her gaze as she replied. "I remember it. I remember every second of it. Every feeling, every sound. _Everything._ " Karlie affirmed, taking a step forward. "I could never forget about those nights. How you looked beneath and above me. How you sounded every time I kissed your neck. I could never forget about those moments with you."

Taylor weakly managed a forced smile, as Karlie grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles. "Then why were you avoiding me these days?"

Karlie, instead of answering her, shook her head, cupped her cheeks and, as if it were the last time, kissed her. Taylor blindly reached out to her, gripping the fabric of her kirtle a little too tightly as Karlie attacked her mouth with her own. They kissed each other roughly, the brunette tilting her head to the side in order to have better access to the blonde's plump lips. Their tongues briefly met, before Karlie suddenly pulled away and took two steps back.

"I—we can't do this," she hastily said. "We can't _keep_ doing this,"

"What are you saying?"

All of the previous worries returned, not understanding where Karlie was heading to with this conversation. Taylor run one of her hands through her ruffled blonde hair, and tried to move closer to the other girl, but Karlie took another step back.

"I don't want them to hurt you again. I don't want you to get hurt again because of _me_ ,"

"It wasn't your fault, Karlie. It was mine. It was stupid of me to carelessly walk around and—,"

"You were coming to see me. That's why they saw you. You were walking around at night _because_ of me,"

Taylor struggled to breathe, as she tried to reach out but to no avail. "Karlie, I—it won't happen again, I swear. I will be more careful, I—,"

"They're watching us closely now, they will find out about us if we keep seeing each other this way,"

Karlie seemed so sure of this, so much that it made Taylor tear up. "Please, Karlie, I can't do without you. You can't just—tell me that we can't see each other anymore," she pleaded quietly. When she once again reached out to Karlie, the brunette was obliged to press her back against the wooden door in order to avoid the blonde's touch. Taylor couldn't help but fall to her knees. With shaking hands, she grabbed Karlie's wrists and begged, "Please, Karlie, don't leave me. I'm nothing without you, please,"

She was fully crying now, the tears freely streaming down her face as Karlie tried to break free from her tight grasp. She caught a glimpse of pain in the brunette's eyes, and perhaps the taller girl pitied her. Here she was, begging Karlie to never leave her while also kneeling before her. She knew she looked desperate, almost crazy, but her love for Karlie had made her this way.

"Taylor," the brunette shook her head, looking away from Taylor's pleading blue eyes beneath her. "I'm sorry, but it's for the best. We can't see each other anymore,"

"No, no, no, please!" Taylor let out a desperate sob, as she clutched Karlie's hands tightly. "Please," she sobbed, her forehead against the brunette's abdomen as her tears stained Karlie's kirtle with her sorrow. "Please,"

"I can't," Karlie choked out, and judging by the tremor in her voice, Taylor knew she was nearly crying herself. "Please, I'm sorry,"

"No, Karlie, you can't leave me!" Taylor exclaimed, sounding almost angry at the other girl. She was too weak to stand up, therefore she stayed still, knelt before Karlie while trying not to break down completely; she still had to fight for her, she couldn't let her slip away this easily. "You can't leave me after what we've been through! You can't leave me after you gave me that daisy, after you've shown me love in a way that not even the nuns nor God has ever showed me before! Please, Karlie, stay. Stay with me, I—,"

"I'm sorry, Taylor, I really am, but I can't. We can't do this anymore, it's too risky for the both of us and—,"

"I love you!" Taylor exclaimed hurriedly, thinking that if Karlie needed a great reason to stay, then this would be her last chance. "I love you, Karlie! I love you!"

Her heart echoed within her ears as she gauged Karlie's reaction; the brunette looked taken aback, her lips parted and green eyes filled with bewilderment. The taller girl seemed to stop trying to break free, and maybe Taylor had convinced her. Perhaps her love would have made her stay, but then a tear trailed down Karlie's left cheek and landed on Taylor's bottom lip.

"I'm sorry,"

That was the last thing Karlie said, before she harshly and unexpectedly pulled away from Taylor and exited the room. The blonde had been too weak to keep on fighting for her, and therefore, when the wooden door was closed once again and she was sure she was alone, Taylor let herself fall on the cold ground, the only witness to her wailing and pain being the compassionate God above her. 

The daisy held between her thumb and index finger twirled in the gentle breeze, its yellow petals withered and slightly bent; after Karlie had left her that day, one week ago, it seemed that the tiny flower had died with her. The life had slipped away from its brown bud, and did the same thing with Taylor. She sat by the fence of the garden; it was another one of those useless outings, and today the nuns had chosen a place in the open, where the spring light of the warm sun would bathe the students from head to toe. But Taylor had made the decision to sit all by herself, under the fresh shadow of a tree, and stared at the gift that Karlie had given her three months prior. In the faint yellow of the petals, she saw their memories together; their first kiss, the first time they've made love, the forbidden stares, the lingering touches, the sound of Karlie's laugh, the taste of her lips. It was funny how, a simple little flower like a daisy, now held so much importance to her.

Spending the majority of her life in a boarding school, Taylor had never paid attention to the flowers that surrounded her, not until the day of her birthday, when Karlie had shyly handed her the tiny daisy that was now dying between her fingers. The blonde could never forget that day, the very first time her lips had touched the brunette's in a sinful kiss.

Her heart clenched a little when a particular hard breeze tore one of the withered petals of the yellow flower and carried it away. Taylor watched it run around, feeling a part of her own body leave just to go with that singular petal.

When it was too far away from her sight, she slouched her shoulders and lowered her head, defeated.

"Why are you here all alone?"

A voice coming from above startled her. It was just sister Catherine, a benevolent smile gracing her visage. Taylor couldn't even manage a smile; she hadn't been able to do that ever since Karlie had left her. She shrugged, her eyes closing for a second before unveiling them once again just to set them upon the flower in her hand. Taylor twirled the stem between her fingers, not paying the nun any mind as the latter quietly sat across her. Sister Catherine observed her saddened actions, her smile momentarily fading as she was flooded by the student's evident sorrow.

"Did you pick that flower up?"

Taylor shook her head slowly. "Somebody gave it to me," her voice was shallow, wavering as the words let themselves be carried away by the wind.

The soft sound of pupils chattering and giggling, along with the noise of the city — hooves clopping against cobblestone, merchants trading with civilians — surrounded them. Sister Catherine noticed how Taylor was sitting alone instead of having that brunette girl beside her, how she seemed lost without her, but immediately dismissed those thoughts when remembering that that girl was in another group. She knew Taylor had difficulties in making friends, but something about her behavior was just off. The nun wanted to ask her about her friend, but held back when seeing the student let out a desperate sigh.

"Is everything alright, Taylor?" she quietly asked, eyeing the two other nuns that were monitoring the other pupils. They would be just fine without her.

The blonde looked up at her for the first time, looking as panicked as a deer caught in the middle of a road. Her blue eyes held all of her worries, but they were too clouded for sister Catherine to understand them. Taylor hesitantly shook her head, avoiding the nun's careful and attentive stare as she said, "I don't feel good,"

"How come?" the sister asked calmly, searching for the student's frightened eyes.

"I feel—like I'm disconnected. Disconnected from God," she admitted shyly. "I feel like I don't belong here anymore."

Sister Catherine furrowed her brows. "Did something happen that made you feel this particular way, darling?"

Taylor held onto the little daisy, the sound of Karlie's last words to her echoing within the depth of her mind. She shrugged, not wanting to fully admit the truth. What she had just said was true; she felt disconnected. In a room full of people, she felt alone. And when she was alone, she felt like everyone was watching her every move, waiting for her to fail the next step.

She clutched the side of her kirtle, feeling the fabric almost break beneath her firm grip.

"I'm glad you told me this, Taylor," sister Catherine said after a moment of silence, nodding with a grateful smile. Taylor glanced at her before averting her gaze. "All you can do to feel connected to God again is pray, and if you feel like you've done something wrong or bad, you can ask for His forgiveness. He forgives everyone, as long as you're determined in never committing the same sin again."

Taylor swallowed thickly; as much as she wanted to feel normal again, she couldn't deny the desire she still felt towards Karlie. Nevertheless, she nodded apprehensively, and hoped to look as much confident as possible. The nun stood up, expecting the student to do the same since it was time to go back to school.

"We shall go back," sister Catherine said, offeringone of her hands to the shy pupil. Taylor put the daisy back in the frontpocket of her kirtle, and the nun couldn't help but wonder why she still keptthe flower even though it was all bent and withered. The blond took her hand,and together, they went back to the boarding school without uttering anotherword.


	18. Chapter 17

The tiny daisy lost all of its faint yellow petals three days after the outing at the garden.

Taylor watched all of them slowly fall on the wooden table of the library with a defeated gaze. When the last one died, the blonde dropped her head and stifled a sorrowful cry. She held the stem in her right hand, her fingers trembling as she tried to hold back the burning tears threatening her eyes. Her knees were still a little bit scraped, and every time she saw them under the skirt of her uniform, she was reminded of that painful night; the one where Karlie had left her. Ever since that moment, her dreams were filled with nightmares, repeating what had happened with the brunette inside of that small dimly lit chapel. She always woke up with sweat on her forehead, a running heart, and an unbearable ache pulling at her chest. She ended up crying most of the times, and every time she went back to sleep, she wondered; when will all of this end? She couldn't keep on crying the loss of her greatest love. The dark lines underneath her eyes showed everyone just how much she's been struggling, fighting at night the demons that haunted her during the day.

When it was all too much to bare, Taylor stood up, clutching her books close to her chest while leaving the flower on top of the table. The pupil that sat a few feet away from her looked up at her, but Taylor didn't mind her as she made a beeline for the exit. She felt herself falling, as if the ground made of cobblestone was deteriorating right beneath her feet. With her breath ragged and shallow, she reached the high double doors made of wood and forcefully opened them. However, luck wasn't by her side, as she basically stumbled upon someone and crashed onto them. Her books slipped away from her trembling hands, and when she looked up, she wasn't sure if she had been transported to heaven or hell. The angelic green eyes gazing at her couldn't be related to the sinful sounds that the mouth below them had emitted just a few months prior.

Neither of them uttered a word, as Karlie knelt to the ground and picked up the books, immediately handing them to the unmoving blonde. Seeing her after all this time, made Taylor want to jump right into her arms, but she didn't. Instead, she lowered her head, hating the dryness of her throat and the ocean that wanted to spill over her blue eyes. Without saying anything — although she wanted to say so many things to Karlie — she walked past the brunette.

 

And, as soon as no one was around, Taylor run towards the church, unaware of the fact that Karlie had found the withered daisy on the table the blonde was sitting at just a few minutes prior. 

 

⛪

 

_"Life is too short to live it in the darkness."_

  
_The voice echoed. Taylor stood in the middle of the street, the ones around her empty. Looking up, she saw the walls surrounding the boarding school and the night sky dotted with stars. Why was she outside? Shouldn't she be in her dorm, possibly sleeping? The blonde weakly took a step forward, the wind hissing as it brushed against her ear. It was impossibly unsettling, how all of the city was calm. She heard the distant and muffled sound of steps, but when she turned towards the source, there was no one following her. She was alone. And incredibly frightened._

_Taylor hugged herself, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and trembling both from the cold and fear. She walked along the boarding school, feeling incredibly out of place, before the sound of the steps increased until it was right behind her. The blonde heard the noise of a muffled voice, before her body fell on the ground. She grazed her knees, the fabric of her kirtle ruined due to the gravel of the street. When Taylor turned, she was face to face with a tall and sturdy man, who gazed down at her, his face covered with a black veil. Only his dark eyes were visible, and only when he raised his arms, did Taylor notice the axe that he was holding._

_She let out a screech, backing away with the help of her elbows. She dragged her body along the road, feeling the cobblestones scrape the sensitive skin of her back._

_The unknown man followed her, always holding his weapon above his head and staring at the weeping girl before him. Taylor tried to scream for help, but her lips were sealed. The cries and sobs coming out of her mouth, soundless. It made her panic, and her heart stopped when her head touched a hard surface, signaling her that she was stuck and couldn't move away._

_When the man quickly lowered the axe to hit her, she threw her arms in front of her face so as to protect herself, but right at that moment, everything turned black._

Taylor woke up with a jolt, still feeling the concrete under her back as she felt a few tears trail down her cheeks. Her heart wanted to escape from her ribcage, her whole body trembling with fright. The blonde put her head on her face, quietly weeping as the vivid images of the nightmare flashed at the forefront of her mind.

The sun was setting outside, and was surprised to find herself in the small church. She had fallen asleep on one of the pews, the ones around her fortunately empty. Taylor wiped the wet tears rapidly falling from her cheeks and quickly pulled herself together when hearing steps behind her.

"Taylor?"

With a deep breath, she turned and faced sister Catherine, who raised her eyebrows upon the sight of a distraught pupil. "Yes, sister?", her voice was still hoarse from crying and sleep, and she cleared her throat when noticing the skeptical look on the nun's visage.

"Are you okay?" Taylor briskly nodded. "Well, then. The prioress sent me to tell you that you've been chosen for a quick trip. You're one of the best students of this school, and us sisters have selected two girls to come with us. We are going to see the monastery in which you will spend the next years of your life."

The blonde had forgotten about that detail; one year from now, she would have to leave this boarding school and be sent to a monastery, where she will spend the rest of her life. She would become a faithful nun, and the thought made her slouch her shoulders.

The blonde nodded nevertheless, standing up and following the sister outside. The nun told her to go change, that her clothes were already lying on her bed. She reminded her to meet her at the entrance of the boarding school, where a carriage would take them to their destination by the end of the day. Taylor walked towards her dorm while the others spent the last half an hour of their free time outside, and she almost envied them, but thinking about going away from this place for a little bit intrigued her. Apart from their outings at the garden, she's never gone too far away from this school. She was aware that she wouldn't be alone, but it was nice; getting away from here and distracting herself with the future.

The garment they had given her was always a kirtle, although it was black and had a loose hood. Taylor put it on, and just as the bell outside rang, she run towards the entrance, afraid of being late. Sister Catherine hadn't told her for how long they would be gone, therefore she didn't take anything with her.

The blonde reached the others in the nick of time. Along with sister Catherine, the prioress and three other nuns were coming with them. When Taylor asked who they were waiting for, she was reminded of the presence of an additional student, and nodded apprehensively. The other pupil arrived a few minutes later, and her breath hitched on her throat when she turned around to discover who it was.

The prioress spoke, "Oh, Karlie, here you are. We're finally full.", the smile on her face was fake, and Taylor stared at the brunette for a long moment. Karlie looked at her with swirling emotions in her eyes, but said nothing. The blonde was clearly shaken, and sister Catherine placed a hand on her shoulder while the others got on the waiting carriage.

"Are you okay?" it was the second time that day that the nun asked her how she was, and for the second time, Taylor nodded hesitantly. Unfortunately for her, the only empty spot was beside the brunette, who tensely watched her as she sat beside her.

The carriage started moving, and the blonde held onto her own hand, her knuckles turning white as she directed her gaze outside, hyper aware of Karlie's presence beside her. All she could hear was the brunette's breathing, and all she could smell was Karlie's strong scent. One of the other nuns had to sit outside beside the coachman, while sister Catherine, sister Agnes and the other two sisters sat inside with the two pupils. The prioress eyed them quietly, a suspicious glint floating within her dark irises. Taylor tried to ignore it, swallowing thickly and focusing on the passing nature outside the vehicle. The afternoon was quickly turning into nightfall, the torches burning even more as they illuminated the gravel street. She didn't know how long the trip to the monastery would last, but she hoped it would come to an end really soon, because she was unable to bear the brunette's presence beside her. Taylor thought of everything that would distract her, ending up imagining a future that would never happen. She thought about her Father, and wondered if he was okay. She thought about her dead mother, and wondered if heaven was far better than real life. She imagined herself doing something else that didn't involve praying nor God, and ended up fantasizing about her working in the countryside. She thought about long days under the hot sun, her farm thriving and bringing her infinite amounts of money. Taylor wondered what it was like life outside the boarding school; what it was like not believing in God and not having a schedule for everything she did.

After a while, when the sun was finally behind the little hills and there was nothing but woods entertaining her daydreaming session, Taylor slightly turned towards the girl beside her. Karlie was staring at her own feet, a distant look inside her eyes. She was as beautiful as ever, her skin looking soft under the soft glow of the tiny lantern hanging on the roof of the carriage. The vehicle slightly trembled when the horses dragging it had to avoid a large rock on the street. Their shoulders brushed, and a slight blush appeared on both of their cheeks.

The prioress cleared her throat, and Taylor hoped that the tension and awkwardness between her and Karlie wasn't as palpable as she dreaded. "Since we're going to reach the monastery in about five minutes and there is no sun to illuminate our path, the nuns of the place will show you where your rooms are. Tomorrow, while we will talk with the prioress of the nunnery, one of the monastery's sisters will show you around. We're going to spend two nights there, so please, girls, _behave._ We've chosen you because you're the best back at the boarding school. Don't make me regret it."

The two nodded and looked at each other with wide eyes. "We'll be good, sister Agnes. We promise.", Karlie replied for the both of them.

Minutes later, the carriage halted, and the doors opened. They got off the vehicle, thanking the coachman who immediately started going back to the boarding school after having arranged with the prioress when to come and pick them up. The group walked quietly towards the entrance, one of them knocking lightly. The doors opened, and a nun of the place greeted them with a tight smile.

"Welcome," she said. "Come in, it's probably cold outside."

The two students followed them, halting when another nun of the monastery arrived. Their tunic was different; while the nuns of the boarding school wore a grey habit, the nuns of the monastery wore a black one. Their whole neck was covered, and the white wimple also hid their forehead. They looked much more mysterious than the ones back at the school, and Taylor held back a shudder when one of them directed her attention towards the two standing pupils.

"I'm sister Clarissa, the prioress of this monastery, and this is sister Cristina, who will lead your students to their room. As for you, follow me.", the older nun stated, talking to sister Agnes. As the group of nuns left, sister Cristina greeted the two pupils with a warm smile; she was young and beautiful, and she kind of reminded Taylor of sister Catherine.

"Girls, please follow me," she said kindly. Her voice was delicate and quiet, and they started walking through the abbey. The hallways leading to their rooms were long and dark, and Taylor looked around herself while crossing her arms over her chest. Given the coldness of the air, the two students had raised their hoods and covered their hair. Taylor felt Karlie's stare on her, but when she turned to face her, the brunette was already looking elsewhere.

"Here we are," sister Cristina affirmed, pointing to a wooden door. The torch hanging a few feet away illuminated their faces. "This is your room."

" _Our_ room?" Taylor asked hesitantly.

"We only have rooms that have two beds, and only the prioress has a room with one single bed. I hope this isn't a problem.", the nun looked between them, perplexed.

"It really isn't, sister. Thank you," the blonde replied, offering a warm smile.

The nun nodded, saying that she needed to go to sleep before leaving the two students alone. The girls stood alone in the darkness of the hallway, the fact that they were going to sleep in the same room finally settling in. Taylor took the lantern that hung beside the door, and before she could step inside the room, Karlie spoke.

"Are you okay?"

The blonde halted, her hand pausing on the doorknob. She faced the other girl, who wore a worried frown. She tried not to let her emotions show on her visage, as she replied. "I'm fine, Karlie."

"Well, I mean, we have to share a room and—,"

"I'm fine. We just happen to be on the same trip. It doesn't mean you have to talk to me. You have made it very clear that you don't want to deal with me."

That being said, the blonde student opened the door, and Karlie closed it behind her back just as Taylor placed the lantern on the nightstand that stood between the two beds.

"Taylor, you know it was for the best."

The blonde bit her lip, frustrated that tears were already gathering at the corner of her blue eyes. "I know," she whispered. "But I still miss you."

She heard Karlie sigh, the sound of her steps coming closer echoing throughout the dark room. Taylor felt her presence behind her, as the brunette slowly whispered back, "I can't. _We_ can't, Taylor."

The blonde sucked her upper lip, walking away from Karlie as she sat on the bed on the left. She saw Karlie look at her from across the room, her shoulders slouched. Before leaving the boarding school, Taylor had almost looked forward to this outing. It could have been an escape from all the sorrow and suffering that she felt there. However, how could she relax and let it all go and distract herself when they had to take her pain along with them? If she had known that Karlie was coming, she would have declined the offer. Doing it when she had seen her two minutes before leaving would have been obvious, but now? What could she do? Her heart felt like it was being crashed by a massive weight, her hands constantly trembling ever since Karlie had sat beside her on the carriage.

"Taylor?" Karlie called her name softly, her voice barely above a whisper since all of the monastery was sleeping. Nobody could hear their conversation. "Are you okay?"

"I told you already.", Taylor answered, not wanting to say that she was fine, because she knew that she would be lying.

"I just want to make sure that you're okay," the worry in Karlie's voice made Taylor quietly weep. "Are you crying?"

"I'm not.", Taylor lied. "I just—why is everything so complicated?"

The brunette walked across the room and sat on the bed in front of hers. Their knees brushed, and Karlie lowered her hood. "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to do this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being a nun. I want to live my life, and this is not mine. I want to be with the person that I love, but that is prohibited. I want to live in a farm, have cows and cultivate my own fields, but I can't have that. Why is it so complicated?"

With tears in her eyes, Taylor looked up and met Karlie's green stare for the first time. She found solace in them, although seeing the brunette and having her so close to her was so painful that it made her whole body ache.

"I don't know," Karlie replied truthfully, lowering her head. "I wish I could give you an answer."

Taylor sniffled quietly, before saying in a faint whisper, "I love you, Karlie," she waited a moment, witnessed Karlie's reaction, and added, "Do you love me?"

The brunette sat there, with her eyes illuminated only by the ochre glow of the lantern, and stayed quiet. A lone tear trailed down Taylor's cheek, who waited for a response that never came. The blonde stood up, looking away from the other student when lifting the kirtle over her head. The thin fabric of the white wool of Taylor's undergarment left little to the brunette's imagination, who stared at her body in awe. The blonde put the kirtle at the end of the bed, and got under the covers slowly.

"I'm sorry."

Karlie's pained voice was like a knife to Taylor's heart, and the blonde turned her back towards the brunette, who was still sitting on the bed, motionless.

Taylor took a deep breath, closed her eyes and whispered, "Goodnight, Karlie."


	19. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! New update! Thank you so much for reading, as always, tell me what you think because it means a lot to me. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The church bells chimed, waking up the monastery just as the first rays of daylight fell upon the building. Taylor opened her eyes lazily, her surroundings looking unfamiliar. The room was dark, the candle inside the lantern extinguished. Sunshine poured inside the chamber through the small opening in the wall that was the window, and hit the blonde directly in the face, forcing her to sit up against the wooden headboard. The bed creaked due to her sudden movements. After the short girl rubbed her eyes to send away the last bit of sleep in her body, she turned her head and glanced at the still sleeping brunette. Karlie was lying on her back, her face turned towards the blonde. She looked so peaceful; her thin lips slightly parted, her eyelashes fluttering from time to time as she breathed slowly through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. Since she was the first to wake up, Taylor knew that she had to wake the other student up. They had to meet with the other nuns at the refectory, where they would all eat breakfast. Then, sister Cristina would show them the place, explaining everything perfectly and clearing all of their doubts, if they had any.

Taylor heard commotion outside the chamber. Reluctantly, she got up and fixed the covers of the bed. The flimsy ivory fabric of her undergarment was too thin to protect her from the cold breeze of the early morning, therefore she quickly slid her arms into the sleeves of her black kirtle and fixed the hood on her shoulders. Taylor sighed, knowing that it was time to wake the other girl up. Loathly, she turned around and shuffled closer to Karlie's bed. She stared at her calm features for a moment, finding solace in the comforting rise and fall of her chest. The blonde took another deep breath, kneeling and placing a hand on her shoulder. She shook her gently, whispering her name quietly.

Karlie lazily opened her eyes, their green color catching Taylor off guard. They were so bright, so lively and sparkling that they left the blonde speechless. The brunette stared at her for a second longer, before propping her weight on her elbows and rubbing her eyes. The blankets slid off her body, showing her modest chest, which was clad in an undergarment similar to Taylor's. The blonde's eyes involuntarily fell upon her perky breasts, and blushed when Karlie cleared her throat. The shorter girl stood up, telling the other student that she would wait for her outside the room. Karlie watched her go, the sound of the door closing filling the eerie silence.

As soon as Taylor was outside, she saw nuns slowly walk towards what she supposed was the dining hall. The night before she hadn't had the time to properly take in their surroundings, so it was a surprise to see a cloister right across her. It reminded her of the boarding school, except this was larger and more spacious. The arcades had more details to the capital, and the columns were thicker and made of stone. While some sisters that passed by Taylor greeted her with a warm smile, others eyed her skeptically, given the fact that she was the only one that was wearing different clothes.

Karlie emerged from their room a moment later, offering a smile that the blonde didn't reciprocate. It was awkward for a moment, before Taylor led the way and the brunette was obliged to follow her. Sister Catherine met them halfway, offering a light _good morning_ and sending a warm smile their way. The refectory of this monastery was huge and majestic; the chamber was divided into four sections by impressive columns made of marble, and in each section there was a long, almost infinite, wooden table, where delicate white plates and iron cutlery laid. Sister Catherine told them that they could sit beside sister Cristina, so that they could talk and ask something about the place. The two girls followed her advice, and when one of the two spotted the nun, they walked towards her. There were two empty seats in front of the sister, who warmly accepted their company. The nuns surrounding them glanced at them briefly, before diverting their attention to something else.

When the refectory was full, everyone took five minutes to say a silent prayer. Taylor watched Karlie for a moment, who stared back at her with a quizzical expression. The blonde quickly shrugged, clasping her hands and closing her eyes as the words to _Hail Mary_ filled her brain.

When a bell rang, quiet commotion rose inside the room, as other nuns came in to serve the food. Everything was delicious, and sister Cristina was polite and friendly. She asked them about their studies, about what they liked to do in their free time. While Karlie blushed profusely, Taylor replied, "I like to write songs.". The nun looked at her with a smile, as she asked her, "What do you write about?"

That got the blonde blushing as much as Karlie had a few moments prior. "Anything, really." She lied. _I write about my feelings for the girl who's casually sitting beside me,_ was the proper and correct answer.

"Oh, and do you sing?"

Taylor smiled. "Yes. I also play the organ and the piano, so I sing my lyrics while playing one of those instruments."

"That's really interesting, Taylor," sister Cristina grinned. "What about you, Karlie?"

The brunette stuttered, "I—uh, I like to—um, I like to read. I read a lot of books in my free time."

"What do you read?"

"I usually read poems. I like Italian poets, like Guinizelli and Cavalcanti. Also, I love Dante's and Petrarch's works."

"You must be really smart, then."

Karlie chuckled. "I hope I am."

The brunette looked at Taylor, and her cheeks flushed red when seeing that the blonde had been staring at her. However, the shorter girl quickly averts her gaze, a light pink coloring her cheekbones as she ate her food quietly. Their conversation went on smoothly, with comfortable pauses and light laughs. Just as the bell rang again, signaling the end of their breakfast, it was time for the majority of the nuns to go pray. Sister Cristina said, "Girls, please follow me. I'll show you around."  
  


 

⛪  
  


 

               The monastery was breathtaking. It was magnificent, with its details for the columns and decorations to the hanging torches. The place itself was beautiful, but the more sister Cristina showed them around, the more Taylor got breathless. When the nun had explained that there was a specific room where nuns prayed day and night, the blonde had taken a deep breath to steady the racing heart that was trapped her ribcage. Sister Cristina had said, "We are not allowed to go inside because there's a sister praying. This room is special because the nun praying has a moment of reflection, surrounded only by God's presence. She asks for his forgiveness, to give her strength when the Devil does everything in His power to distract her.". Then, she went on to say that a nun stays inside that room for a whole day, and when the clock strikes midnight, another sister comes inside to relieve her. 

  
When sister Cristina had started walking again, talking quietly because of the other sisters praying, Karlie had glanced at the blonde beside her and had noticed the vulnerability within her blue irises. The brunette had asked her if she was okay, and Taylor had told her the truth.

"All of this is just so real, you know?" there was an edge to her whispered voice, and Karlie had smiled sympathetically. Of course she knew. Little did Taylor know that the taller girl was feeling just as scared as her.

At the end of the exploration, sister Cristina had told them that she would see them again at dinner, and had gave them the freedom to walk around by themselves. The two were finally alone, but the blonde quickly realized that she couldn't be alone with Karlie. All of her suppressed emotions just came back, stronger than ever, as they walked inside the small and empty chapel. There were a few pews, and they sat at the front, near the rectangular altar. Taylor glanced at the wooden crucifix hanging above it before sitting down. Karlie did the same while crossing herself.

They sat in silence, both of them dwelling upon what they had seen during the afternoon. The monastery was a beautiful place, but it was the lifestyle that scared them. The prospect of living the rest of their lives praying, doing something that they didn't enjoy just because somebody had obliged them, frightened them. It made their heart race, their palm sweat, and head spin with swirling thoughts. The fact that by the end of the next year, they would be sent here, or somewhere else, made them realize that their time together was coming to an end. It made them realize that they wouldn't be able to see each other ever again, and that made Taylor tear up, as she quickly bent over and placed her elbows on her knees, hands joined. She whimpered, feeling the walls closing in as the reality was too suffocating to deal with. The blonde closed her eyes, covering her face with her short blonde hair, not wanting Karlie to see her this way.

But Karlie did.

"Are you okay?"

A hand was suddenly placed against her tense back, and Taylor shied away from her touch. Rejection burnt bright inside Karlie's heart, and it made an indelible bruise. The brunette heard the shorter girl quietly cry, her hunched shoulders shaking slightly. The taller girl wanted to provide her some comfort, tell her that everything would be okay and that she was worrying for nothing, but she couldn't. She had hurt Taylor, and the night before had been the last stab in the blonde's heart.

Therefore, she retracted her trembling hand and placed it in her lap, painfully watching Taylor weep silently. Her thoughts went back to their time shared together, to when Karlie had first seen Taylor. The yellow, brown and red autumn leaves had just started falling down from the trees, the days had gotten shorter, the nights longer. She still remembered the first time she's heard her sing, how her voice had sounded so soave, so delicate, in the silence of the empty church. She recalled their first real conversation, how she had been so nervous to speak with her. How a strange longing growing in her heart had kept her awake for infinite nights. And then, she remembered clearly when she had bent down, picked up a yellow flower for the girl, just to see it withered on a wooden table of the library months later. But that day, choosing that daisy and giving it to Taylor that night, had been worth it. Her kind gift had led to a forbidden kiss, one that had sealed their hearts together forever. Thinking about their relationship, about the moments that now seemed to be just a faded memory in her mind, made the brunette frown. In just a short amount of time, she had gone through so much just because of a girl. That same girl was now hunched beside her, tears of sorrow and desperation staining the soft skin of her cheeks. Karlie wanted to send her pain away, hold her in her arms despite all the alarms going off in her mind.

Therefore, she reached out, and traced the outline of Taylor's spine. Her touch must have been light, invisible, because the blonde didn't back away. Instead, her cries got louder, more painful, as her hands run through the incredibly soft tresses cascading over her shoulders. Karlie wanted to apologize for everything, for having put her through an useless amount of sadness. She felt her own heart clench at the sight before her, because she knew that, in part, this was all her fault.

Karlie wanted to speak, to open her mouth and just let the words slip past it, but just as her lips moved, a bell outside rang. Suddenly, unexpectedly, Taylor's cries stopped, along with her shaking shoulders and excruciating sobs. The brunette watched her slowly wipe her cheeks with the sleeve of her kirtle. She sat with her back against the wooden seatback of the pew, hesitated, and then looked at Karlie. Their gazes stayed locked for a couple of seconds, enough time for Karlie to see Taylor's bloodshot and puffy eyes. Despite the sadness, Karlie couldn't help but think that she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. Perhaps, the pieces of a broken heart were the only thing that made someone look truly impeccable.

Taylor cleared her throat, stood up on trembling legs and walked towards the doors. Karlie heard her waver, the sound of the blonde's heavy breath echoing through the walls. There were so many words left unsaid between them, but maybe it was better that way. Perhaps, some things were better left unsaid.

It was all silence for a few seconds, before Taylor sighed a whimper out of her lips, and exited the small church in a hurry.  
  


 

⛪  
  


 

               Dinner has been fairly tranquil. The two girls, rather than sitting side by side, had been separated by only three occupied seats. Perhaps a little distance wouldn't have hurt them, but Karlie had been the only one to notice the saddened look within Taylor's eyes, an invisible cloud of pain hanging over her head like a halo. When the blonde had finished her meal, she had excused herself, saying she was too tired and needed to sleep. Being the kind soul that she was, she thanked sister Cristina for everything, and then proceeded to thank the surrounding nuns. She had exited the dining hall quickly, indiscreetly, everyone paying attention to their food but Karlie. The brunette had watched her go, but she couldn't have followed her; it would have been too obvious. Therefore, now that dinner was over and she had said goodbye to everyone, she walked back to their room for the last night at the monastery, and hoped to find Taylor asleep. That way, she wouldn't have to deal with her sad blue gaze, with the painful frown and with her hunched shoulders. 

  
However, just as she quietly opened the door to her chamber and silently closed it behind her back, she gulped at the sight before her; Taylor was sitting on the edge of her bed, her bare chest on full display as the upper part of her undergarment hung below her firm abdomen.

"Oh my God!" Karlie exclaimed, her eyes unable to divert their gaze from the blonde's modest breasts. "I'm—sorry, I—," she stuttered, finally reclaiming the lost control over her own body. The brunette hurriedly turned her back towards the other girl. She heard the sound of sheets rustling, and then Taylor's voice, "It's not like you haven't seen all this before,"

She sounded sarcastic, almost cruel, as a quiet chuckle followed after her statement. Karlie blushed deeply, and when she turned around a minute later, the blonde was lying on her back with her undergarment on. She was still too exposed for Karlie, who struggled to keep her gaze on her face instead of her breasts. The flimsy fabric left little to her imagination, and she was brought back to the memory of their first time, when she had bravely undressed Taylor and had exposed her chest. The thought of kissing it, of sucking her rosy nipples, made Karlie squeeze her legs, as she uncomfortably walked towards her own bed. She shyly turned her back to the shorter girl, as she quickly lifted the kirtle over her head and placed it at the end of the blankets. Karlie hurriedly lied down on the mattress, slipping beneath the sheets as she lied on her side. She watched the rise and fall of Taylor's chest, and the more she looked at it, the more she found herself getting sleepy.

But she found the strength to ask one question, one that has tormented her brain recently. "Taylor?"

"Hm?"

Karlie hesitated. "Did you ever finish that—your song? The one you were writing months ago."

The brunette heard her breath deeply, as the blonde shyly glanced at her. "I—," she paused, her blue eyes staring at the ceiling above them. Karlie watched her attentively. "Yes."

The brunette swallowed. _Will I ever get to hear it?,_ she wanted to ask. Instead, what came out of her mouth was, "I'm sure it's amazing."

Taylor gulped, her head finally facing Karlie. Their eyes met, and the taller girl took advantage of this moment, of the flickering light of the candle between them, to admire the deep color of her irises. She had missed them, but what she had missed the most was holding Taylor against her own body. Feel her muscles relax upon her feather touch. She missed the sighs of relief and pleasure that the girl emitted whenever she kissed her flesh. She missed seeing up close every detail of her face, and she missed even more kissing her, getting lost in the sinful and forbidden taste of her lips as they caressed hers.

"It's about you," Taylor whispered, swallowing thickly. Her delicate neck looked inviting to the brunette's vision.

"What?" Karlie's voice was as low and as soft as the blonde's. She had gotten so lost in her thoughts and memories that she had forgotten what they were talking about.

The blonde breathed deeply. "The song. It's about you," she confessed.

The statement made Karlie blush. "Really?"

Taylor just nodded. She then returned to looking back at the ceiling, her eyes narrowing and hands resting atop her abdomen. Karlie didn't know what to say; she was at a loss of words. What was there to say? The fact that Taylor had written a song about her, about their relationship and their secret moments, made her feel guilty. Guilty because she was holding them back. Guilty because Taylor had given her soul to her, and the brunette had given her nothing. Guilty because Taylor was hurting, and she was hurting alone. Karlie knew she deserved better than this, but Fate hadn't been on their side when it had decided to let them born in such a cruel age, where love between the same sex was strictly forbidden. Perhaps, if they had been born hundreds and hundreds of years later, maybe their love wouldn't have been so hated by the society. Perhaps, in another life, in another universe or in another era, their love wouldn't have been classified as prohibited and sinful.

And, as Karlie fell asleep with a frown on her face, she came to the conclusion that she hated God for giving her the perfect girl, only for Him to whisk her away right under her nose.  


	20. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update! The next chapter will probably be the last one, and then I was thinking of an epilogue (although that is up to you, it depends if you want it or not). I hope you enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> As always, please leave kudos if you liked it, and comment down below your opinion. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the support, I love you!

They returned to S. Clement the morning after.

The air was crisp, fresh, and clean as it slipped inside Taylor's nostrils. Once they got off the carriage, the nuns returned to their tasks, and Karlie and Taylor parted ways, one going left, and the other going right. The ride back had been painfully quiet; now that the two girls both knew what their future looked like, their hopes and dreams had been crashed. There was no comfort, no calmness after the storm. They both knew that, at the end of the year, they will be separated for the rest of their lives. Taylor would turn twenty, and she would be sent to a monastery, possibly the one they had visited for the past two days. Perhaps, if fortune were by their side, Karlie would end up in the same cloister as the blonde, but realistically speaking, the chances of it happening were very small. Besides, Karlie wouldn't know how to act, if she and Taylor ended up in the same monastery but having no possibility to be together. The brunette preferred to have physical distance between them, instead of just a mental one. Here, back at the boarding school, it was starting to become impossible to stay away from Taylor. She was everywhere; at the library, at the dining hall. It was painful to stay away from her, to act as if what they did months ago had meant nothing to her. Karlie didn't _regret_ it, on the contrary, she would turn back time just to get another little taste of the blonde shorter girl. The brunette missed her every day, she was on her mind every second and every minute of her day, whether she was praying or studying or reading, Taylor was always haunting her thoughts. It was like running through a labyrinth, but there was no escape.

Karlie had helped sister Catherine carry the nun's bags back to her room, and had felt the sister's curious gaze on her for the entirety of their walk towards the chamber. Fortunately, sister Catherine hadn't asked anything, and the brunette had used the excuse that she had to study in order to escape her interrogatory eyes. Even sitting at the library, Karlie couldn't even focus on the words written on the book that smelt like ancient. She recalled reading one of Petrarch's sonnets once, and how she had thought that it suited Taylor perfectly. It was curious, how a single poet had found the words to describe a person that he loved with his entire heart. Karlie stood up from her seat, looking for that book again. When she found it, she searched for that same sonnet and found it at the very end of page thirteen. Petrarch described his love's blonde hair, how the soft breeze scattered the sweet gold and how it gathered in a lovely knot of curls. _Now longing for her, now truly seeing her,_ the sonnet said. It had made Karlie think of Taylor's short, slightly curly blonde hair, the way it covered her forehead when there was a slight breeze in the spring air. It made her think about the first time they had kissed, how the simple lingering of their lips had made Karlie long for her. And it made her think about their first time making love, how the brunette had truly seen her in a way nobody had ever seen before. After reading that sonnet for the millionth time, Karlie stood up with a shaking heart in her ribcage, and decided that she needed a nap. She slowly exited the library, a small frown upon her thin lips as she walked through the empty hallways. Karlie passed by the ajar doors of the church, but stopped when hearing the haunting sound of an organ. The brunette froze; it was obviously Taylor. She recognized the notes of the song, and was surprised when the music was suddenly matched with a quiet and trembling voice. It was hesitant, but it was simply Taylor's. But what made Karlie's breath hitch wasn't the fact that the blonde was on the other side of the door, it was the fact that she was singing _her_ song. She couldn't remember the last time she's heard it, but her pulse accelerated as soon as the first words reached her alert ears.

_"Don't blame me, love made me crazy, if it doesn't you aren't doing it right,"_

Taylor's voice was powerful but small, and as Karlie silently stepped closer to the door and peeked her head in, she's painfully reminded of their first meeting. She recalled how she had heard such an angelic voice fill the autumn silence, and how it had made her smile. She had walked in that afternoon, listening to that girl's voice while staring at the small of her back.

_"Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be using for the rest of my life,"_

It went on, and Karlie attentively listened to each word that was slipping past Taylor's plump and rosy lips. The church was empty and dark, almost unsettling, but still, the brunette stood outside, her head poking inside as she intended to listen to the song fully.

_"Something, happened for the first time in_

_The darkest little paradise shaking, pacing, I just_

_Need you,"_

The blonde's voice was sultry, deep and incredibly painful to listen to as she sang, _"For you, I would cross the line, I would waste my time, I would lose my mind."_

When she reached the chorus again, her fingers harshly pressed down on the black and white keys, the beautiful sound of the organ filling the silence of the church as Karlie's mouth stayed agape for the entirety of the chorus. Hearing Taylor sing that the love she felt for the brunette had made her go crazy, created a lump at the base of her throat.

The second verse was filled with emotions, her eyes closing shut as she went on, _"My name is whatever you decide and I'm just going to call you mine_

_I'm insane, but I'm your baby_

_Echoes, of your name inside my mind_

_Halo, hiding my obsession I once was poison ivy but,_

_Now I'm your daisy,"_

The way Taylor's voice reached a higher tone, how a single word reminded Karlie of their whole relationship, made Karlie breath in sharply. The yellow daisy the brunette had given her for her birthday was still imprinted at the back of her brain, and the significance of it would always be inside Karlie's heart. That tiny flower was the beginning of their relationship, as it had given her the courage to lean in and close the gap between their lips. Karlie remembered that night vividly, the taste of Taylor's lips still lingering on her mouth.

_"For you, I would fall from grace_

_Just to touch your face_

_If you walk away_

_I'd beg you on my knees to_

_Stay."_

Karlie was brought back to two different nights; the one where she had been obliged to watch Taylor being punished and the one where she had left her because she had been too scared to keep on hiding their love. The brunette still remembered Taylor's painful moans as the leather whip had met the skin of her back multiple times. She was uncertain, what night between the two had been the one that hurt her the most; seeing Taylor suffer and having no choice but to watch or seeing her suffer and having the possibility to take her pain away.

The blonde's voice increased and gained power as she proceeded with the chorus. She was daring, as she harmonized a few words.

_"I get so high, oh!_

_Every time, yeah, every time you're loving me_

_You're loving me_

_Trip of my life, oh!_

_Every time, yeah, every time you're touching me_

_You're touching me,"_

And then, the sound of the organ was softer, Taylor's voice unstable and emotional as she sang, _"Every time, every time you're loving me,"._ Their entire relationship flashed before Karlie's eyes as the blonde sang, _"Using for the rest of my life,"_ and then proceeded to complete the lyric with a perfectly high note that echoed throughout the walls of the church. The brunette felt the lump in her throat increase as Taylor kept on harmonizing, the organ replacing the sound that the words would have made. She sounded so broken, so vulnerable as she hit the last note with her thumb and forefinger. Karlie heard her sigh, her shoulders slouching as she hung her head in defeat.

The brunette held back a sob, as she took a few steps back, careful not to make a sound. Deciding she had heard enough, the tall girl wiped the tears gathering at the corner of her eyes, and let her feet drag her towards the safety of her room.   
  
  
  


⛪  
  
  


  
The soft rain hitting her window was the only sound that was keeping her company. The bell that chimed two hours before midnight had filled the silence more than one hour ago, but sleep apparently didn't want to visit Taylor tonight. Wide awake, the blonde stared at the tiny droplets slide against the glass, the sky turning white from time to time as a loud thunder followed soon after. The blonde lied on the soft sheets of her bed, her back resting comfortably atop the mattress. Her head against the pillow, she hugged her slender torso, her dainty fingers wrapping around the silky fabric of her ivory undergarment. Her head was filled with thoughts that consisted of solely the brunette and what the future held for them. Although she knew from the beginning that this was going to happen, she couldn't help but fear their forthcoming separation. She found herself wishing she had never met her, because then her heart wouldn't hurt this much right now. However, on the other hand, if she had never met Karlie, as a consequence she would have never found the words to her song. Taylor liked to think that what she and Karlie had, from the very first time they've met to the last time they've seen each other, had been a miracle. Even though it had hurt them both to fall in love, it had also made them feel alive, almost as if they hadn't been truly living until their eyes had met for the first time. And Taylor wanted to forget Karlie. Forget what they had done together, what the brunette had made her feel. But her feelings were a seal on her heart, they were a golden chain, forever tying her with Karlie. The blonde couldn't forget her; not when she was always on her mind.

Taylor sighed, rubbing her eyes just as she heard hurried footsteps outside of her room. The blonde quickly sat up, frightened by the sudden noise, but her fear soon turned into bewilderment as her door was opened by a breathless Karlie. The brunette's mouth was agape, her right hand firmly gripping the doorknob. There was a second, where they both momentarily got lost in each other, before the tall girl finally closed the door behind her back. As Taylor stood up quickly, she heard her lock the door.

Two meters divided them, and before the blonde could ask for an explanation, Karlie quickly spoke.

"I was a coward," her voice wavered, but the determination behind her words was prominent. "I rejected you when you needed me the most, and I will never forgive myself for this. For leaving you alone, for breaking your heart after you had brought out the best of me," Karlie took a deep breath, her feet hesitant as she shuffled closer. Taylor waited with bated breath. "You made me happy. For the first time in my entire life, being here, in this school, didn't make me feel like I was locked inside a cage. You—," the brunette pursed her lips, a thunder filling her pause as she pointed a trembling finger to the blonde. "You make me feel alive, as if everything around me doesn't really matter, because all that matters to me is _you_. You, who makes my heart hasten when you walk in a room. You, who has suffered because of me. You, who—," she took another step, now standing a few centimeters away from the blonde girl, whose eyes quickly looked up at the brunette. "Who risked all that you were just to fall in love with me. I'm sorry, Taylor,"

When she received nothing but the sound of droplets falling outside, Karlie tightened her hands into fists, rocking them back and forth as she shook her head. "Coward, coward, coward!" the brunette exclaimed, running a hand through her disheveled hair. Taylor stared at the desperation within her eyes, as she continued, "Damned me, for letting me hurt you. You don't deserve all this pain. You deserve pure love, a love that is gold, that shines in the middle of the night. You deserve someone that isn't afraid to love you. Someone that stays by your side. Someone that holds your hand when you need it the most." Karlie sighed, her eyes roaming all over Taylor's face. The blonde stayed still, her hands shaking by her waist as she kept her mouth shut. "And I've realized—throughout the weeks that we've been apart— that _I_ want to be that person. _I_ want to be able to love you. _I_ want to be by your side, hold your hand and kiss you. I want to be _that_ person, if you let me."

The brunette waited for her to say something, but nothing came out of Taylor's pursed lips. Karlie swallowed, looked at the ground for a second, before meeting her eyes once again, determination and hope shining within her green irises. "So, tell me, Taylor."

The blonde blinked several times, a lightning illuminating Karlie's angel features for a moment.

"What?" her voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

Karlie's eyes fell down upon her mouth for an instant, before going back up to Taylor's eyes. "Tell me you love me."

The statement made her heart stop, as she began to protest, "Karl—,"

"Taylor, tell me you love me."

Karlie took her hands, and the blonde let her. She looked up at her, unsure. "Why should I tell you I love you? Only for you to reject me again? Only for you to—,"

"Taylor," Karlie interrupted her, squeezing her hands. The blonde swallowed. The brunette faintly smiled. "Tell me you love me."

Taylor held back. She was hesitant, the fingers holding the palm of her hand firm and giving her solace. Her lips parted, and although her voice sounded too vulnerable for her ears, she whispered, "I love you."

The corner of Karlie's lips turned upwards in the most beautiful grin, one of her hands coming up to cup the soft skin of Taylor's cheek. The brunette stared at her lips, as she whispered just as softly,

"I love you, too."

It was a timid confession, a shot in the dark, and Taylor let her body get cradled by the softness and the tenderness of Karlie's voice. Time froze, their lips colliding just as a thunder echoed inside their head. They closed their eyes, savoring the moment as Taylor tasted the sweet feeling of coming back home in Karlie's daring tongue. The brunette's hands closed around her head, long fingers kneading velvety blonde hair. Taylor's arms circled her tiny waist, shy hands gripping the taller girl's sides in order to bring her closer. The noise of their lips molding echoed inside the small room as their heads tilted to the side, the kiss deepening and their breath shortening.

Kissing Karlie again felt like coming up for fresh air. She was the breath of life inside her lungs, as their mouths parted and they gave space to their eager tongues. They engaged in the gentlest war of domination, Karlie's body pushing Taylor's against the nearest wall. A collective moan left both of their heaving bodies, and the more time slipped between their fingers, the more the withheld desperation within them surfaced like the light at the end of a dark long tunnel.

Neither of them cared about anything, it was just the two of them now, simply existing in the world as they consumed their love for the other by kissing each other deeply and longingly.

Karlie tugged Taylor's hair, her mouth devouring the blonde's with bruising and feral open mouth kisses. The shorter girl held onto her shoulders, lungs screaming for air while her heart yearned for Karlie to come closer, even though there was no space separating their bodies.

The taller girl slightly pulled away, the blonde leaning in so as to prolong the contact between their mouths. Karlie's fingers fumbled with the buttons of Taylor's undergarment, as they shook slightly. The blonde held the other girl by the waist, her desire making her hands wander lower as her forehead rested against the brunette's shoulder. A whimper vibrated against Taylor's throat, fingers daringly brushing against Karlie's backside. The brunette moaned, her hips pushing against the blonde's as the buttons finally came undone. Taylor raised her head, kissing Karlie's swollen lips as her own hands searched for the hem of the taller girl's kirtle. Karlie helped her by unfastening the lace around her torso, the fabric now loose as it pooled around her ankles. While the blonde's hands busied themselves with the buttons of Karlie's undergarment, the brunette kissed her cheek, then her jawline, before making a light and ghosting trail of pecks down the length of her long neck. Now that both of their buttons were undone, and the opening on the front of their undergarment left space to new patches of creamy skin, Karlie pushed Taylor off the wall and started moving them towards the bed nearby. The blonde was the first to tumble onto the mattress, a delicate whimper falling from her plump and swollen lips as Karlie's body gently rested upon hers. Their limbs tangled as if they were meant to be, and then their mouths connected again, desperately trying to soothe the burning pining inside their hearts.

One of Karlie's arms circled her waist meanwhile the other went around her neck, a hand running through tender blonde tresses of hair. Her left leg straddled Taylor's hip, while the other subtly slipped between the blonde's legs. Karlie lowered the loose fabric that covered the shorter girl's torso, unveiling perky and round breasts. The ivory undergarment now pooled around her waist, and the blonde shyly kissed the brunette, whose clothes were being tugged by the impatient girl lying beneath her. Karlie let her own undergarment circle her waist, her hands softly cupping Taylor's cheeks as she lied against her. The feeling of their bare breasts brushing against each other made them both moan quietly, as they relished the warm sensation that spread through them. Karlie eagerly took off her own clothes, wanting to feel Taylor's body completely, without any barriers between them. The blonde whimpered when the brunette's hands slowly slid the ivory undergarment off her body and threw it elsewhere.

The realization that they were both naked in front of each other hit them as soon as a lightning illuminated the whole room. Taylor stared at Karlie's body with her mouth hanging open, wondering how in the world someone could be so perfect. She was sure that the brunette had been chiseled by perfection, because she was _so_ beautiful under her hungry eyes, that the blonde couldn't even think.

Taylor reached out for Karlie, who willingly accepted her hands and nestled between the blonde's spread legs. The shorter girl wrapped her thin arms around the brunette's long neck, their lips finding each other once again. Their bodies molded into one, difficult to understand where one began and where the other ended.

As their kisses became more sloppy, the whimpers a little bit more frequent, Karlie finally kissed her neck, her lips leaving a wet path behind them as they reached Taylor's sternum. The brunette kneaded one of her breasts while adoring the other with her mouth, thin lips closing around a rosy and erect nipple. Taylor moaned, her limbs writhing beneath Karlie's weight. The blonde gripped the headboard above her with one hand, while the other stroked the soft and golden skin of Karlie's shoulder blades. The brunette tentatively nipped the soft flesh of Taylor's abdomen, leaving behind a red bruise right near her belly. The sensation sent an electric jolt along the shorter girl's spine, who unwillingly raised her hips in order to quicken the other girl's pace. Karlie kissed her hips, lovingly gripping her legs as she teased the skin of her inner thighs with her ghosting lips. She hesitantly looked up, searching for affirmation within Taylor's blue irises. She found lust, love, and even fear, even though it wasn't the first time for them. They've done this already, but perhaps it was the meaningfulness of this time that frightened them. By the way, Karlie sent her a reassuring smile, before firmly kissing the most sensitive part of Taylor's body. The brunette heard her shudder, and she breathed in the scent of the blonde's arousal before diving in once again. Taylor's taste soon became addicting, as Karlie's tongue played her like a violin, sinful notes coming out of the blonde's lips as a result. Her actions were slow, teasing, as the shorter girl's uncontrollable hips met each flick of the tongue that came by Karlie's part.

But she wanted more; the bittersweet taste on her tongue wasn't enough. She was too far away from the blonde, whose lips were parting in a waterfall of moans. Karlie wanted to be closer, to feel Taylor's body tremble against her own.

Therefore, blinded by the immense desire rippling through her, she stopped, and quickly straddled the other girl, who stifled a bewildered whimper. Taylor blindly grasped her waist, her blue eyes holding a storm within them as Karlie aligned their centers. When the brunette hastily and suddenly moved her hips forward, the friction made them both shake with need. Taylor spread her legs, meeting Karlie's impatient thrusts halfway. The blonde was the one to set a steady and painfully slow pace, her hands holding onto the brunette's tiny waist for dear life. Karlie placed her own hands against the pillow, around Taylor's head, as she continuously grinded against the blonde's body. She started peppering her neck with kisses, Taylor's hands coming up to leave faint scratches down the length of her back as the tension between them built quickly. The shortness of their breaths meant that they were both close to their highs, and as they came undone at the same time, the tension within them finally breaking in half, Karlie remembered the bridge of Taylor's song. She had been right when she had compared their love making to a trip; the brunette was sure she was seeing stars behind her closed eyelids, her forehead resting against Taylor's shoulder as she welcomed each wave of pleasure that overtook her body. It had been better than last time, because this time there was no rush, no hurry. Their actions were led only by passion, by lust and by desire, their bodies moving along each other as if it was meant to be that way. Losing control had never felt so good, and Karlie let herself go as she gently placed her weight on top of the other girl, who immediately changed their positions. They lied on their sides, their chests still rising and falling in a quick way. Taylor pecked her lips, the aftertaste of her arousal still lingering on Karlie's tongue. The brunette immediately pulled her closer, both of their arms going around the other's waist.

Their faces, mere inches apart, lied on the same pillow.

Karlie stared at Taylor's eyes for a long moment, before whispering, "I'm sorry."

The blonde furrowed her brows. "For what?"

"For leaving you. For hurting you."

Taylor nuzzled her nose, closing her eyes as she replied, "I forgive you, darling,"

"Really?"

Taylor nodded. "At least you came back to me."

"And I'm never leaving."

Karlie run her fingers along her bare arm. "You promise?"

The brunette hummed. "I promise," she sealed the commitment with a soft kiss on the tip of Taylor's nose. "I love you. I'll never be able to stop loving you."

The blonde smiled. "I will never let you stop loving me," she replied. "And I love you, too," she added quietly, cuddling close to the brunette. She hid her face in the crook of her neck, and neither of them cared that Karlie should probably go back to her room. The magic that lingered in the air after the intimate moment shared together was too special to be broken suddenly, therefore they stayed silent for a while. Taylor wondered what it would feel like, to fall asleep between Karlie's arms and wake up by her side. She wondered what a life with Karlie would be like. Her mind, busy with invented situations, was too tired and exhausted to keep on going, but she caught the taller girl's words as she spoke with her lips against Taylor's ear.

"I heard you sing today,"

The blonde raised her head, meeting the brunette's green and sparkling stare. "You heard my song?"

"Yeah," Karlie replied with a faint smile. She tucked a strand of loose blonde hair behind her ear, kissing her forehead lovingly. "I love it."

Taylor couldn't help but smile broadly. "Thank you for saying that," she blushed.

Karlie kissed her deeply, her left hand cupping her cheek as she pushed her on her back. They pulled away, the ghost of a smile upturning both of their lips as the brunette's left hand lowered. It brushed along Taylor's sternum, the blonde writhing slightly beneath her feather touch. She moaned quietly when Karlie leaned in to nip her jaw, her hand subtly sliding across her abdomen and reaching the warm space between her legs. The brunette whimpered at the feeling, her digits making contact with slightly wet folds. Karlie used one of her legs to spread Taylor's, propping her weight on her right elbow as she looked down at the other girl. The blonde was mesmerized by the sight above her; Karlie's lips slightly parted, as her own green eyes stared at Taylor's face in order to gauge the reaction to her light strokes. The blonde reached for something to grasp, and she ended up grabbing the soft skin of the brunette's back, as her hips involuntarily bucked upwards to meet each deep thrust. Their heavy breath filled the silence of the room, along with the sound of the thunders and the rain. It wasn't long before Taylor achieved her well-deserved high, her back arching into Karlie as a silent moan escaped from her parted lips. The brunette kissed her chin, then her cheeks, before finally meeting her mouth in a lingering kiss. The sound of their mouths parting echoed inside the dark room, as Karlie hugged her close before peppering her shoulder with little kisses.

"I don't want you to go," Taylor whispered, her own arms going around the brunette's relaxed back.

Karlie looked up at her. "Then I will stay right here."

The blonde blinked. "But you can't."

"I know," she smiled, leaving a sloppy kiss on the tip of her nose. Taylor blushed.

"I don't want you to get in trouble because of me. We've had enough trouble."

Karlie sighed. "You're right,"

Although they agreed that the brunette should leave soon, neither of them moved. Karlie's leg shifted, brushing against Taylor's calf. She rubbed her chin against the blonde's shoulder, and the shorter girl's eyes closed for a moment.

"You're tired."

"I'm not."

"You are,"

Taylor paused. "But I want to live the few moments we're together. I don't want to spend our time together asleep."

Karlie caressed her face. "Go to sleep, love," she said. "I have to go, too."

Taylor nodded, cupping her face with one hand before leaving a longing kiss on her lips. Karlie teasingly bit her bottom lip, the blonde whimpering quietly in the silence of the room. When they parted, the brunette finally pulled away from her body, untangling their limbs and standing up. The blonde got under the covers quickly, missing her lover's warmth as she watched Karlie pick up her clothes and lazily put them back on her bare body. When she was dressed, the brunette walked to the bed and bent down to give Taylor's forehead a light kiss.

"I love you," she said.

The smile that came from Taylor's part was blinding. "I love you, too," she squeezed one of her hands. Karlie padded towards the door, their eyes meeting one last time before the brunette disappeared outside the room. The blonde lied on the bed, her heart filled with pure love and an undying smile lighting her face as she fell asleep a few moments later.  

* * *

 


	21. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this is the final chapter before the epilogue. I'm probably going to update the epilogue soon, and I'm just really sad that this story is coming to an end, although I'm really proud of it. I hope you like this one, and we'll see each other at the end of the epilogue, so stay tuned for more guys!
> 
> Also, if you want, I'm on curious cat, my name is fallfrovmgrace_ so if you want to leave your opinion there, my dms are always open!
> 
> Enjoy!

April began with a cloudy day, but Taylor, after having spent days crying and drowning in her own sadness because of the brunette's absence, was extremely happy. She was over the moon with joy, and her state of bliss could only be attributed to Karlie. They were more careful than before, kissed only behind closed doors, but still saw each other regularly. Their love was stronger, their bond now indissoluble, and they were happy. Living at the boarding school was more bearable, although the future was still something they didn't like to think about. It was unavoidable, sooner or later they had to part ways, but Karlie had assured Taylor that she would always find a way to write a letter to her. Just because they weren't going to be physically together, it didn't mean that their relationship was going to finish with their separation. Still, what would happen next was always going to be a difficult topic for them, and whenever they talked about it, it would usually lead to desperate kisses, arms clinging to the other's body, and racing thoughts running within worried minds.

However, today was a good day.

For the first time in her entire life, Taylor was going to see the beach. The school had decided that, for the April outing, they would move a little more and visit a place that probably none of the students had ever seen. The blonde was ecstatic, to say the least. Karlie was fortunately a part of her group, so this was a chance to live a beautiful moment together.

This morning, Taylor had woken up with a huge grin splitting her face, and had gone to class feeling grateful for existing. She had seen Karlie at the dining hall, and there they had had lunch together, sitting side by side while laughing about everything and nothing. Now, Taylor finished writing something inside her journal, and the last words she wrote before someone knocked at her door were simple yet unusual; _I think life is going to be okay._

"Taylor? We have to go,"

It was Karlie, sweet and charming Karlie, who smiled at her as soon as Taylor's body was near hers. The brunette unexpectedly pushed her inside the room for a moment, closing the door behind them before cupping the blonde's face and kissing her. Taylor giggled against her lips, pulling away from their kiss just to hug the taller girl close to her body.

"Are you excited for this outing?"

Taylor nodded against her shoulder. "Yes. I've never seen the beach."

"It's going to be amazing,"

Karlie squeezed her hands, before letting them go and exiting Taylor's bedroom. They joined the other ten students, who were excitedly mingling together. On their way to the beach, Karlie stayed by Taylor's side while the blonde chatted with other girls. With the brunette by her side, Taylor felt confident. The words didn't get stuck in her throat, her mouth wasn't dry, and her hands didn't fidget. Karlie rendered her someone with a bubbly personality, someone who was easy to talk to, and the blonde felt like a different person. She almost didn't recognize the person she was months and months prior, and perhaps sister Catherine had noticed it too, because a small smile was on her face for the whole trip.

They reached the beach an hour before sunset, and the colors of the sky fascinated Taylor, who looked up with parted lips and sparkling blue eyes. The other sisters that were with them suggested they take off their shoes, and Taylor almost let out a scream of pure happiness when her bare feet touched the grainy texture of the sand. She sank her toes beneath the sand, smiling broadly as the tickling feeling made her jump up and down. The nuns told them that they had the freedom to walk around, but not to distance themselves too much. Taylor watched the other girls as they neared the shoreline, a laugh escaping their lips as their feet touched cold water for the first time. The blonde felt fingers gently grab hers, and when she turned around, she was not surprised to be face to face with the most beautiful, entrancing smile she had ever seen.

"Do you like it?" Karlie asked.

Taylor grinned. "I love it," she squealed with delight, her shoulders raising and her eyebrows lifting as her eyes widened. The brunette laughed out loud, her pinky linking with hers as they stood side by side. They watched the sun slowly go down, their shoulders brushing when Taylor looked up at Karlie.

"This is the best day of my life," she said quietly, only for them to hear.

Karlie's eyes briefly glanced at the nuns a few feet away, and when she noticed that they were talking and none of them were watching them, she turned towards Taylor with the most loving smile and green eyes that almost resembled hearts. The brunette boldly grabbed her hand and squeezed it three times, wanting to convey to her how much she loved her in this moment. Taylor placed her head on her shoulder, subtly kissing her neck as she asked, "This is platonic, right?"

"Of course it is," Karlie chuckled. She hesitantly wrapped her arm around Taylor's, hugging her close. She thought, that if they didn't feel suspicious then they wouldn't look suspicious. Therefore, Karlie placed her chin on top of Taylor's head thanks to their height difference, and smiled broadly. It was so calm; their surroundings, the fading chuckles of the other students, the waves crashing against the shore, and lastly the seagulls chirping. Everything was perfect, and Taylor just wished she could just live in this moment forever, Karlie's arms around her and her heart beating against her ear.

"Do you wonder what there is over there?" Karlie whispered quietly, pointing her index finger in front of them.

Taylor narrowed her eyes, not understanding what she meant. "Where?" she asked just as quietly. The sun was going down, half of it already behind the sea.

"There, beyond the sea. Where is the sun going?"

Taylor looked up at Karlie, the colors of the sunset making her all the more angelic. She fell even more in love with her, as a tiny smile lit up her face. "I like to think that there is someone else, over the sea."

"Really?"

"Yeah, we can't be the only ones in this world."

Karlie glanced at her. "You're right."

They stayed quiet for a while, the sun already disappearing behind the infinite amount of water. Karlie spoke quietly, "I'm going to bring you there, someday. Whatever is on the other side of this sea, we will find out together."

Taylor looked up suddenly, her eyes filled with delight and bewilderment. "Really?" Karlie nodded enthusiastically. The blonde almost kissed her, but held back when she heard sister Catherine's laugh melt with the other students'. "You promise?"

It was an impossible promise that neither of them could keep, but Karlie did. The brunette rubbed her thumb against her shoulder, and pulled her closer. Green eyes locked with blue ones, as she whispered just for Taylor to hear, "I promise."  
  
  
  
  


-  
  
  
  
  


_"Karlie! Where's the kid?"_

_The brunette smiled as she walked in the kitchen, a blond toddler hanging from her hip. Upon the sight of her lover with their kid, Taylor grinned. She looked exhausted, the white, rose apron around her waist a little torn at the edges. The blonde woman walked across the small room, reaching out and taking the little boy in her arms. "We were playing outside. He was showing me his friends,"_

_Taylor looked up at her after having placed the boy's weight against her hip. "Friends?"_

_The kid spoke up loudly, "Yes, mom! I have five friends and they're all funny."_

_Karlie chuckled, a hand rubbing the side of Taylor's abdomen. "Frederick, do you want to show mom your friends?"_

_The boy writhed in Taylor's loose grasp, and when she let him go, he run outside the modest house. His parents followed him outside, and Karlie grabbed Taylor's hand. It was a sunny day of summer, the sunshine casting a golden color upon the fields of the countryside. The two women lived away from the city, with their kid Frederick of five years old. They weren't married since the society forbade any type of homosexual relationship, therefore they had decided to run away. Sometime along the way, they had found a small boy who was just as lost as them, and together they had created a family. A beautiful, nurturing family. Taylor and Karlie were happy. They spent most of the days cultivating their lands, living solely of what they created. It was exhausting, staying under the hot rays of the sun for most of the time, but everything about this was worth it. They had a kid, they had a house, they weren't persecuted, and most importantly, they had each other. At the end of the day, they were both just glad that the body lying next to them was the love of their life._

_"This is Grey Stone, and this is Golden Stone!" Frederick exclaimed, five little stones forming a circle beneath his feet._

_A smile appeared on Taylor's face. "Who are the others?" she asked, amused. Karlie chuckled by her side._

_"This is White Stone, this is Black Stone and this is Grey Little Stone!" he continued. Taylor crouched beside him and ruffled his sandy brown hair. A light breeze swept Taylor's bangs aside, her blue eyes sparkling under the sun's hot rays. "Mom?"_

_"Yes, darling?"_

_"Can I play with my friends? I promise we will be done before dinner,"_

_The blonde woman looked up at her lover, whose face held the same expression of love and adoration._

_Karlie was the one to reply, "That's great, Frederick. Me and mom are going to be inside, alright? If you need us, you know where to find us,"_

_Taylor stood up while Frederick sat on the ground, the gravel not bothering him as he started playing with his stones. The shorter woman laughed quietly before grabbing her lover's hand and turning on her feet. They walked back to their house, standing a few feet away from the front wooden door. It was still early, but the sun was already going down, about to hide behind the trees for the night._

_"He's the cutest boy alive," Karlie mumbled. The brunette wrapped her arms around Taylor from behind, her front colliding gently with the blonde's back. She kissed her cheek, never getting tired of feeling Taylor's hot skin beneath her lips. "I'm glad we found him,"_

_"I am, too,"_

_The shorter woman turned in her embrace, their noses grazing briefly before Taylor smiled and kissed her lover. Their lips stayed locked for a few seconds, before their wide grins broke it off prematurely. The brunette kissed her forehead, her arms tightening their hold around her abdomen._

_"I love you, Taylor," she whispered. The blonde nuzzled her face against hers, cuddling close to her body. It was calm, and everything was perfect._

_Taylor's words filled the silence with a gentle promise of love. "I love you too, Karlie."_

Karlie woke up with a mild sense of dread. The dream she just woke up from was haunting her mind, as the last images of Taylor's mature features continuously flashed at the forefront of her brain. It was the most detailed dream she had ever had, and she felt her heart quicken when she realized that her mind had portrayed a future that she couldn't have. As she sat up on her bed, she noticed that it was day outside. The church bells chimed, and probably that was what had woken her up so suddenly, although she could still hear the fading voice of the blonde girl telling her she loved her. She still smelled the faint air of countryside, a smell that had never invaded her nostrils before. She could still perfectly picture the young boy named Frederick, and she could still hear his high pitched voice inside her head.

Karlie took a deep breath, rubbed her eyes, and stood up from the bed. She put on her kirtle and got ready for her day. The temperatures outside were a little bit too hot, since summer was about to arrive and April was coming to an end. Two days were left before May began, and Karlie couldn't wait to experience this warm season with her lover. At the thought of Taylor, a smile brightened her features, as she fixed the last buttons of her kirtle and exited her room. The hallways to the dining hall were quiet, all the girls walking towards their destination with their heads hanging low. Karlie found it strange, but didn't give it much thought.

When she walked in the refectory, her eyes immediately looked for golden hair and ocean blue eyes, but when she found nothing, with disappointment, she found a seat beside other girls she didn't know, and quietly ate her breakfast. For the entirety of the meal, she thought about her dream, about how much she yearned to live in that world instead of this one, because there things seemed to be a lot more simple. She could kiss Taylor freely, she could hold her hand without looking around to see if anyone was watching, and she could love the girl fearlessly. Her thoughts seemed to stay a lot in the last part of her dream, where the blonde was comfortably standing between her arms and kissing her lips. Her words echoed throughout her head, and she almost missed the bell that rang excitedly thirty minutes later.

Class was as boring as ever, and they were even more so when there were racing thoughts circling around her mind, hanging above her subconscious like a dark cloud. Fortunately, they finished sooner rather than later, and her disappointment doubled when she noticed that Taylor wasn't at the dining hall for lunch. Karlie had wanted to see her, maybe tell her about her strange dream. They had seen each other two days prior, and the last thing the blonde had told her was that she loved her deeply. Her blue eyes had seemed so sincere, and Karlie had kissed her after that. They had held hands for a few seconds, and then Taylor disappeared outside Karlie's room. The brunette missed her, even though it had been two days without her. Taylor had become her drug, and she couldn't get enough, no matter how many nights or days she spent with the blonde girl.

In the afternoon, Karlie went to the library, and she had been so sure that she was going to see Taylor there that she almost groaned loudly when entering the large room and finding no trace of the blonde. Still, she sat down on one of the tables and studied poetry for hours and hours. her mind was a little bit clouded by her vivid dream, but poems helped her get her mind off of everything. Therefore she was surprised when the bell chimed, signaling that it was time for their free time. Karlie smiled, because this meant that she could see Taylor for a little bit.

The brunette stood up, put back the books on their respective shelves, and exited the library with the biggest smile on her face. She walked through various hallways, however, her delighted expression soon faltered when sister Agnes suddenly appeared a few feet away from her, three other nuns standing quietly behind her.

"Hello, sister Agnes," she greeted them, holding back a nervous chuckle. Sister Catherine seemed worried, as she eyed her with a concerned gaze.

The prioress was cold and distant, as she said, "Could we speak with you, Karlie? It's _really_ important."

The brunette looked at each nun, caught off guard by the sudden request. Then, she hesitantly nodded, and followed the sisters down the hall. She was painfully reminded of that time when sister Agnes had punished Taylor, the dark hallway looking familiar as they neared what she now believed was the prioress' office. They walked in the room, the rays of the sun filtering through the small window behind the wooden desk.

"Sit down."

With her heart beating in her throat, she sat down on the chair in front of the table, directly across from the prioress. The other nuns stood behind her, their features dark. A frown was on sister Catherine's lips. Sister Agnes stared at her for a moment, before opening a drawer and pulling out sheets of paper. The nun looked through it for a moment, before underlying a few words and then handing it out to the taller girl.

"Read."

Karlie's shaking hands took the piece of paper, before her scared green eyes lowered and fell upon the ink on the white sheet. Her heart stopped beating when she realized that she was reading the rules of the boarding school, and the painful and blaring words _Any sexual relationship with another student is extremely forbidden_ stared back at her. She felt her lips part, the underlined rule screaming at her for having been so reckless.

"Why is—is this one underlined?" she stammered, her voice clearly weak and lacking confidence.

Sister Agnes breathed in deeply, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Because _you_ and Miss _Taylor_ have broken this rule for the past months."

A surprised laugh came out of Karlie's lips. Dumbfounded, she said, "No, no, no. It's not true. I would _never_ disobey you, sisters."

The prioress tilted her head to the side, an eyebrow rising skeptically. "Taylor has confessed everything. _Everything._ We know _everything_. We know every single sin that you've committed together."

Karlie felt the air inside her lungs leave her body, and breathing was becoming hard. She felt like a bird caught in a golden cage, her wings, suddenly, tied. "Taylor confessed?"

"We—,"

"We have _obliged_ her to tell us the truth." Sister Catherine interrupted the prioress. The younger nun received a glare from the older one, but that was enough to put a little rest to Karlie's heart. Taylor didn't confess intentionally and that reassured her, somehow.

"Why didn't you summon both of us?" Karlie asked quietly. Her heartbeat had slowed down at the reassurance, however, it quickened once again when sister Irene answered her question.

"We have decided to take measures."

Karlie's lips parted, but her heart completely stopped when the prioress added, "We have expelled her from this boarding school and we've sent her to another one, far away from here, where she'll be cleansed from her sin and she'll be put back on God's right path."

The brunette stuttered, "No, you—you cannot have done that. I—,"

"You have disobeyed God, and you must pay the consequences."

Karlie's entire world crashed down, her walls destroyed as she began weeping quietly. She stood up, rage and sorrow burning inside her eyes as she slammed the sheets of paper on the table. The brunette looked down at the prioress, whose jaw was firmly clenched. "You cannot have done that! You cannot have done _that_!" she exclaimed with tears running down her cheeks. She sobbed uncontrollably, her mind clouded by desperation.

When she looked at the other nuns, she saw sister Catherine stare back at her with compassionate eyes. The sister's hands shook as she uttered, "Taylor has left you this last letter,"

The prioress seemed on the edge of protesting, but held herself back and simply glared at the young woman. Sister Catherine ignored her stare, as she handed the brunette the small piece of paper. Karlie looked at it for a moment, before harshly snatching it away from the nun's grasp. Sister Catherine winced, and took a step back as the brunette's shoulders shook because of her silent sobs.

Karlie's bottom lip quivered, millions of emotions going inside her head as her eyes stayed glued to the white paper in her hands.

Slowly, she looked up at the prioress, holding her gaze as she whispered, "How could _you_ ,"

She shook her head, more tears staining her face with burning sadness; Karlie took a few steps back. "How could you have _done_ that!" she exclaimed, whimpering as she forcefully opened the door and slammed it behind her back.

She run through a few hallways, the girls walking by her staring at her go as they wondered why she was crying like that. When she had no more strength to keep on walking, she stood with her back against a wall. In front of her, as she slid against the stone wall and sat down on the bare ground, she stared at the detailed arcades and held onto the small piece of paper that held Taylor's last words.

She brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she cried loudly, not caring about what others thought about her. Although it was almost summer, everything around her felt cold; Taylor was gone. Taylor was gone and with her, she had unintentionally taken Karlie's heart with her. The brunette was alone, _again_ , and the worst thing about all of this was that she didn't even know where the nuns had sent the blonde to. She could be miles and miles away, but still, she would never see her again. A memory of her laugh and the faint smell of daisies was all that was left of Taylor.

The brunette pulled away from her knees, unfolding the piece of paper. The ink staining the whiteness of the sheet was blinding, and she couldn't help but notice a few tear marks on the end of the page. Karlie clutched it tightly, and as she began reading Taylor's letter, the blonde's voice echoed inside her mind:

**Dear my lover,**

 

**I'm sorry.**

 

**For everything that has and has not happened. I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. I never planned on falling in love with you, but I realized that life has its strange ways to make people fall in love so easily yet so cruelly. Right from the start, we were destined to fall apart, but we only ended up falling for each other instead. Darling, my pain is marking this piece of paper with my tears and I know some are streaming down your beautiful, angelic face, too. Karlie, I wish I could see you again one last time. I wish I could hold you in my arms again, press my lips onto your soft ones again and never leave your side. I wish life could be more fair to us, but the world is against us. People will tell us we're dirty, that we're sinful and useless, but we won't listen to them. And love, as much as it hurts thinking about you, it will be everything I'll do for the rest of my life, because you're my drug, you're my baby. I'm your daisy and I won't ever stop loving you, even when my heart will stop beating, even when I will exhale my last breath, I will love you unconditionally. Darling, if I knew we had to say goodbye, then this would have been the part where we would have hugged each other tightly and kissed until we couldn't feel our lips anymore. This would be the part where we would look into each other's eyes one last time, we would take in each other's features to imprint them in our minds and remember them forever. Karlie, my love, I have so many things to say but little time to tell them to you. I want you to remember me, remember us, staring at the sunset that spring day we went to the sea with school. I will forever remember you, remember the way our hands fit together, remember the way your green eyes shined in the dead of the night, remember the first time our eyes met, the first time you put your lips onto mine, the first time we made love to each other. I will forever remember you, Karlie.**

 

**And darling, I want you to know that I love you, that I miss you terribly, and that I will forever hold the memory of you close to my heart.**

 

**We will meet again, I promise**

 

**Yours truly,**

 

**Taylor**

>  


	22. Chapter 22

It was the end of August when Taylor's Father came to the boarding school.

Karlie was still miserable, a bright smile never gracing her face again after the nuns had sent Taylor away. She was sitting outside against a tree, when suddenly a tall, old man approached her with a tentative step.

"Excuse me?"

Karlie looked up, confused to see a visitor wondering around the school with no supervisor by his side. _He shouldn't be here,_ she thought, unaware of the man's identity. "Yes, sir?"

"I'm—looking for a girl," he said quietly, timidly. The brunette stood up, giving the man her complete attention.

"What's her name?" she asked.

"Her name—she's my daughter, Taylor. Last time I visited she was here," he replied, but Karlie's brain stopped functioning as soon as that cursed name slipped out of his chapped and thin lips. Her own mouth parted, her trembling fingers forming tight fists by her waist. She felt her heart beating rapidly against her ribcage, the rays of the sun suddenly too bright for her sensitive green eyes. The tall girl looked around, panicked, not knowing what to do. What could she say to him? She certainly couldn't tell him that his daughter was sent in another boarding school because in this one she had had a sinful relationship with the very same girl standing before him.

"I—,"

Before she could say anything, however, sister Agnes spoke up from behind him. Karlie saw the glare sent her way, and immediately closed her mouth. The prioress had been oppressive in the last five months, supervising her every movement.

"Mister Swift?"

The man turned towards the voice. "Oh, sister Agnes. It's so good to see you. I'm looking for my daughter, where is she?"

The old nun shuffled towards them, and Karlie shyly lowered her head, her teeth sinking in the rosy skin of her quivering bottom lip. "Karlie?" the brunette perked up at the sound of her own name. The nun's visage was distant, the gaze within her eyes cold and uninviting. Karlie swallowed. "Don't you have something _better_ to do?" the voice was filled with venom, and it was meant to hurt her. A lump formed at the base of her throat, as she breathed in deeply and exhaled shakily. The man glanced at her briefly, but did a double take when seeing the conflict within her eyes.

Karlie licked her bottom lip, nodding in defeat as she retreated to the safety of her own room.   
  
  


-  
  
  
  


She had nightmares for weeks after meeting Taylor's Father, his absence bringing back old wounds around her heart. Karlie often woke up with sweat lining her forehead and a heart racing in her chest, however, this time, when her eyes shot open, it wasn't because her mind had kept reminding her that Taylor was gone, but rather a loud screech echoing throughout the walls of the boarding school.

The brunette quickly got up, pulled her kirtle on, and went outside her bedroom. The first thing she noticed was the grey sky covered with dark stormy clouds. Then, her vision finally caught on what was happening around her; madness couldn't properly describe what she was seeing.

Hundreds of students were running back and forth the hallways, fear staining their cheeks and panic illuminating their irises. When Karlie took a step forward, tentatively, she was suddenly submerged in the crowd of alarmed girls, some of them stumbling upon her and almost making her fall to the ground. The brunette fought against the amount of people, walking in the opposite direction as them. The hallways were dark, the lit torches extinguished and lying on the ground. Karlie spotted a few nuns, doing nothing to calm down their students as they too run with them. The brunette wanted so desperately to understand what was going on, and she was almost about to grab someone and ask them, but then realized that it was probably a bad idea. Therefore, with confusion and fright etched in her visage, she walked with the crowd, following them until they were all outside. It was there that she understood, with the sight of dead corpses lying on the streets and tall, lanky men wearing white masks with a protuberance that resembled a bird beak.

The Plague.

It had invaded their city, and Karlie didn't know where to go. She aimlessly walked around the streets, her breath short and her entire body trembling with fright. She wasn't afraid of dying, because she was sure she had died when Taylor had left her five months prior. However, having only read of this terrible epidemic disease and its millions of victims around the continent, she was afraid of seeing it firsthand. The more she walked, the more she saw people dying, exhaling their last breath as life slipped away from their bodies full of buboes. Karlie almost tripped when she stepped over an old woman's foot, but quickly recovered when her alarmed green eyes caught sight of a familiar face.

"No, it can't be. No—,"

Karlie immediately run towards the limp body lying on the ground, kneeling by their side as she pushed them on their back. "No!" she exclaimed. Her eyes watered, because what stood beneath her was the wounded body of her blonde lover. Karlie wept, whispering, "Taylor, please. I'm here. I'm here," as she wrapped her thin arm under Taylor's back and lied her fragile frame on her lap. She heard a quiet, almost inaudible whimper coming from the short girl's chapped lips. Taylor's white kirtle was torn at the edges, letting Karlie see what the plague had done to her beautiful body.

The brunette sat down on the street made of cobblestone, the commotion around her vanishing as she cupped Taylor's left cheek with her quivering and dirty hand. "Please, baby, open your eyes. Do it for me, please, do it for _me_ ," she whispered, her tears landing on Taylor's skinny collarbones. When the blonde finally opened her eyes, Karlie stifled a loud sob at the sight; they were emotionless and lifeless, the spark she had so loved now gone forever.

"Karlie?" Taylor's voice was hoarse, and it broke terribly at the last word of the brunette's name. Karlie placed her forehead against Taylor's, and she felt one of the blonde's hands reaching up to her as she weakly cupped her forearm. Feeling her against her, hearing her voice and looking into her blue eyes, was all that she wanted and yearned for the last five months, but not this way. What she saw scared her, it made her feel powerless, because she _knew_ this was going to be the very last time for her to properly see Taylor _alive._

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, closing her eyes as she tried to focus on solely the blonde. Now that she was near Taylor's face, she could hear her wheezing, making her even more emotional as she knew that the girl was fighting death just to be with her one last time. "I love you so much, Taylor. I love you, I want to be with you."

The blonde caressed her brunette hair, letting her hand fall down on her chest covered by the grey kirtle. Taylor's skin became more pale, and she struggled as she whispered, "I—I love you, too. I want to be with—with you."

Karlie tentatively kissed her, capturing her bottom lip between her thin ones. She felt Taylor grip the collar of her kirtle, as if holding onto her would let her live longer. Karlie hugged her close after pulling away, feeling the blonde's hot tears soak the skin of her neck.

"You're going to get sick," Taylor said against her ear.

It made Karlie shiver, but she replied nonetheless, "I don't care. I'm not leaving you now that I found you."

That seemed to be the right thing to say, as Taylor held onto her even more tightly, an agonizing cough coming out of her mouth making her whole body move back and forth. Karlie rubbed her back, kissing her temple in a soothing manner.

"I don't want to go," Taylor suddenly whispered, sounding scared. "I don't want to leave you. I want to be with you."

Karlie cried as she held Taylor's face in her hands. "I know. I don't want you to go either." she sobbed, kissing her ruffled and dirty blonde hair. The shorter girl gasped for air, and held onto her arms.

"Karlie,"

"I'm here, baby,"

They looked into each other's eyes, Taylor's closing from time to time.

The brunette smiled as she began, "We're going to be together. Forever. Just you and me against the whole world. How does that sound?"

Taylor's first real smile broke Karlie's heart into million pieces, as the blonde whispered, "Our love is always going to be stuck in time."

The brunette smiled weakly, kissing her forehead again. Two lone tears streamed down her face, and she kissed Taylor one last time, as she said quietly, just for them to hear, "I love you, Taylor. I'm going to love you forever, until the end of time."

The broad smile that pulled apart Taylor's lips was breathtaking and heartbreaking at the same time, as she uttered her last words with a determined and quiet voice, "Until the end of time,". The blonde breathed in sharply, her eyes closing as she silently collapsed into Karlie's arms, lifeless. Karlie let out a silent cry, mouth wide into an inaudible sob, as tears marked her cheeks. She held onto Taylor's cold, delicate body, her own trembling with unbearable pain and sorrow. Karlie wept and wept, until the weak rays of the sun covered by the dark clouds turned into deadly darkness.

And there, with Taylor's dead body between her thin arms, she fell into a never ending slumber, only meeting the blonde again once her own heart had stopped beating.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe that this is the end of this story. It's been such a great journey, I loved writing their characters and describing their relationship, from friendship to something deeper. 
> 
> As you know, I'm a slut for angst, so this ending was planned from the very start, and I have to admit that I cried more than once while writing the epilogue, especially the ending scene. 
> 
> I hope you liked this story as much as I did, and please tell me what you think, what your favorite and least favorite character was and what was the moment that you loved the most. Personally, I loved writing sister Catherine's character, because she was the only one who was compassionate towards Karlie when Taylor was sent to another boarding school. I really couldn't stand sister Agnes, but there had to be the "bad guy" on this story. 
> 
> Anyway, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the extreme support and love you've given to me and to this story. I'm forever thankful for you guys, because you are the ones who give me the inspiration and make me want to open my laptop and write and write and write. So thank you so much, guys. I love you.
> 
> Also, one thing:
> 
> 1\. If you want to rant about this tragic ending or anything else, just send me a message on my curious cat, it's fallfrovmgrace_ (I don't bite lol, I appreciate receiving messages)
> 
> Until next time!


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